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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to leave my bf?

112 replies

Trumanshow · 09/11/2020 22:14

So..he is 40+and still lives at home with his mum. He has 3 kids he sees for less than 24 hours a week and doesnt speak to them in between. He works on a building site..but doesnt achieve much as always being let go. He says hes always tired..he gets home about 5 and gets a takeaway (other than the 2 or 3 nights a week I see him and I cook) and is asleep by 9.he has no responsibilities other than work... I have a child and work part time..i dont sit down until 9 ish so we barely ever speak. When he is here and my daughter is he gets annoyed I put her first and make sure her bedtime routine is the same (mostly me reading her a story and saying her prayers) .ive complained about not ever seeing him or speaking to him (nearly 3 years and hes cheated on me 5 times) so hes announced he has to have doctors appointment and and I'm not being supportive apparently...Am I being very unreasonable just thinking hes a lazy shit (hes at least 7 stone over weight) he tells me all the time I'm a mess up and a loser.

OP posts:
TheChristmasPrincess · 09/11/2020 23:31

I think you need to completely reassess why you are still in a relationship with this man. Are you struggling financially and rely on him to contribute in times of need? Are you lonely and in want of a companion? Did you do a lot of socialising early on in your relationship and now it’s suddenly stopped (especially during lockdown)?

If he is making you miserable and treats you so badly, you need to be brave and take the next step in ending your relationship. Make a plan to fill in the void that he leaves in your life. Save on what you would spend on him to have an emergency clothing fund, go out more with your friend or have game nights with your daughter. Slowly get back into dating when society gets back to normal. You seem to be doing all the giving and receiving bare minimum from him, you will quickly realise how little he impacted your day to day life and how you are much better off without him. Also get some counselling for your self esteem issues. You are worth so much, you are amazing and you will do so much better by yourself 🙂

Holothane · 09/11/2020 23:34

Jaw drops get rid and get rid now then start planning a good Christmas without this lazy person in your life.

tensmum1964 · 09/11/2020 23:37

So he's an overweight, lazy cheating slob who still lives with his mum and emotionally abuses you. He barely sees his own kids and expects you to put him before yours and you need to ask if leaving him is unfair. I'm lost for words.

AdoraBell · 09/11/2020 23:39

Sack him off. You deserve much better.

BeaMends · 09/11/2020 23:40

@tensmum1964

So he's an overweight, lazy cheating slob who still lives with his mum and emotionally abuses you. He barely sees his own kids and expects you to put him before yours and you need to ask if leaving him is unfair. I'm lost for words.
Seconded.
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/11/2020 23:41

Honestly thought this was a wynd up!

Saz12 · 09/11/2020 23:49

You have low self-esteem in part because your partner is a prick!!!!

He is selfish. He not only cheated on you, but says he’ll do it again if you’re not doing what he wants. He is manipulative and a bully (emotionally). It doesn’t matter that he’s lazy, or lives with his mum, or that he’s overweight or that he barely holds down a job. What matters is that he isn’t actually nice to you.

In the last week, how many times has he said or done something kind to you? Doesn’t need to be anything big, just something basic like asking how you are and really listening when you tell him about your day, or making you a cup of tea, or doing something helpful in your house. that sort of stuff.

If you told him that you’d messed something up at work, would he sympathise and try to understand your POV, or would he tell you your stupid?

Greenhairbrush · 09/11/2020 23:53

What do you see in him?

Read your post back, and answer it as if it were a friend or someone on here posting for advice.

Original poster
Trumanshow · 09/11/2020 23:53

He never ever listens to me. I can be talking and he will.just talk over me, or just not respond as hes not listening and playing on his phone. I have insane low self esteem and have struggled lots. I'm not used to talking to people about things so when I do it's a bit of a release...then I realise hes not even listened.

OP posts:
Porcupineinwaiting · 09/11/2020 23:55

So I repeat the question OP. How could bring single be worse than being with this prick?

Greenhairbrush · 09/11/2020 23:56

Sorry, I’ve just seen your later posts. Glad you see that you’re worth much more than he has to offer.

WitchWife · 10/11/2020 00:01

Glad you’re getting it all out here @Trumanshow. I bet he’s awful in bed as well. And I bet he doesn’t do his laundry properly and his house is a shit pit.

Original poster
Trumanshow · 10/11/2020 00:10

Witch...his mum or me does his laundry. His room in his mums house is a shit pit. His kids sleep on the floor in there sharing a couple of mattress' I dont let my daughter go into where he lives because its filthy and smelly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trumanshow · 10/11/2020 00:12

Thank you all. I love him. Hes been there for me when noone else was and I was weak and had no one. I'm stronger now and all these questions fly around my head

OP posts:
MadameMeursault · 10/11/2020 00:29

I’m struggling to believe this could be real, sorry I’m not troll hunting, but you just seem to have typed a long list of hideous attributes any one of which would have had a sensible woman running for the hills. Please value yourself more and dump him.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 10/11/2020 00:37

I can't quite work out why you didn't have these thoughts after the first three weeks.
THREE YEARS?? WTF??? Hmm

redastherose · 10/11/2020 01:06

Op ask yourself what precisely you love about him. Really think about it. When you do you might realise you don't actually love him at all, perhaps the person you pretend to yourself he is. Or the person he pretended to be when you first met. From what you have said he is a lazy, selfish, a persistent cheat who couldn't even bother to help you when you were ill and really needed some assistance, he is jealous of you spending time with your daughter and ignores you when you talk. There is nothing there to live that I can see.

lovemelongtime · 10/11/2020 05:25

You know you deserve better

AnnaFiveTowns · 10/11/2020 05:53

What are you getting out of this? Just dump him.

mytimeonline · 10/11/2020 06:04

You found Clarity
Manipulation is no mind game you need either
Tradies are always sleaze bags!

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/11/2020 06:06

Sorry but this reads like a joke post. I’m not saying it is. I’m just questioning how anyone could be in love with such a sack of shit. He clearly wasn’t there for you when others weren’t when you were desperate for painkillers, orange juice and cat food.

You sound addicted to him. The scraps that he throws at you, I mean. Get rid. Burn everything associated with him. Keep the coat though.

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 10/11/2020 06:13

OP with respect, he is not a boy but a man, you should do what your instincts tell you.

AlwaysCheddar · 10/11/2020 06:17

You need to be a good role model too so ditch him now. Can’t believe you need to ask.

MimiDaisy11 · 10/11/2020 06:23

@Trumanshow

So..he is 40+and still lives at home with his mum. He has 3 kids he sees for less than 24 hours a week and doesnt speak to them in between. He works on a building site..but doesnt achieve much as always being let go. He says hes always tired..he gets home about 5 and gets a takeaway (other than the 2 or 3 nights a week I see him and I cook) and is asleep by 9.he has no responsibilities other than work... I have a child and work part time..i dont sit down until 9 ish so we barely ever speak. When he is here and my daughter is he gets annoyed I put her first and make sure her bedtime routine is the same (mostly me reading her a story and saying her prayers) .ive complained about not ever seeing him or speaking to him (nearly 3 years and hes cheated on me 5 times) so hes announced he has to have doctors appointment and and I'm not being supportive apparently...Am I being very unreasonable just thinking hes a lazy shit (hes at least 7 stone over weight) he tells me all the time I'm a mess up and a loser.
Obviously you must the know the answer everyone would give? For a start if you're boyfriend was the most wonderful person in the world that did everything right it'd still would be reasonable for you to leave him if you wanted to.
MimiDaisy11 · 10/11/2020 06:24

your*

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