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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend jokes i have no friends.

88 replies

redtrurto · 09/11/2020 14:44

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I am 24 and he is 23.
I am not the most social human being but I have my best friend who (of course when life was normal and there was no covid) we would go for meals and walks together often. I also have a uni friend who lives about an hour away and we will message over facebook and meet up about once every three months (pre-covid).
I have some people I speak to from work too (wouldn't class as friends but do have chats and message them sometimes).

I am quite introverted and I am happy with the amount of people I have in my life. I go for coffee with my mum and have 2 little sisters who also keep me occupied (9 and 10).

However, boyfriend has quite a few friends who he goes out drinking with something or on holidays with.

Whenever he goes out, he always says "you would probably be going out too if you had friends".

or "why don't you go out with your friends. Oh forgot you don;t have any"

He says it in a jokey way but I'm finding it quite tedious.

The thing is I don't care that he goes out. I'm not a massive drinker so would usually go and see my friend for a meal or takeaway and she's not a massive clubber either.So I don't get why he's being snidey with me.

Anyway, this came up as boyfriend was saying how once lockdown is over he can't wait for the pubs to open. I said it would be nice that first weekend of lockdown being over if we have a nice weekend away together. He laughed and said him and his friends have already planned a night out in a town an hour away once it's over and they'll probably get a hotel. I then said just said okay and he said "you'd understand if you had friends" and laughed,

He means it as a joke but I'm getting quite hurt by it.

OP posts:
Original poster
redtrurto · 09/11/2020 14:46

By the way, me and boyfriend still live at home with parents so we won't be seeing each other really during this lockdown which is why i suggested a weekend away once it's over (if that's even possible and lockdown isn't extended).

OP posts:
Boom45 · 09/11/2020 14:47

He sounds dreadful. Keeping your self esteem good and low so he can do what he likes and not worry about you leaving him.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 09/11/2020 14:47

Well I would say you probably needed one person fewer in your life: him. Bin the snidey fucker.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/11/2020 14:48

Have you spoken to him about it? It's a nasty "joke" and tbh if you don't live together and he's more into meeting his friends instead of his g/f maybe it's time to move on?

missyB1 · 09/11/2020 14:49

It’s not a joke and he’s not meaning it as one. He’s putting you down and trying to tell you that you are inferior to him. Next time he says it reply with
“You sound such a twat when you say that, I’m actually embarrassed for you.”

To be honest I just wouldn’t tolerate that kind of bullshit, and nor should you.

Fleurdelys1 · 09/11/2020 14:49

Quality over quantity every time!

Lovewineandchocs · 09/11/2020 14:49

That’s not a joke, he sounds awful. I appreciate he must have redeeming qualities as you’ve been with him a year and a half but honestly, if someone kept making “jokes” like that to me I’d ditch them. No-one’s obliged to have loads of mates/drinking buddies, your friendships sound lovely, don’t let him denigrate you like that.

katy1213 · 09/11/2020 14:50

Well, he clearly has so many friends that he won't miss you when you dump him.

Mammylamb · 09/11/2020 14:51

Think it’s time for you to move on; he sounds like a prick and doesn’t sound very nice to you.

I had a boyfriend like this when I was younger, If he wasn’t slagging you about this, it would be about something else. You sound like you have a happy, contained life, time to empty the trash

GoJoe2020 · 09/11/2020 14:52

Hes' not your friend, is he? Get rid.

pleasecaffeinateme · 09/11/2020 14:52

Please dump him. He isn't joking and he sounds quite cruel. You do have friends and just because your friendships aren't the same or as many as his, it doesn't mean they're not friendships.

Cocomarine · 09/11/2020 14:52

It’s only a joke if it’s funny.
Why do you think he means it as a joke? What part of it could he legitimately say is funny?
He’s being a snide little shit, which isn’t something I look for in a boyfriend.

Don’t wait for another time... bring this up now, and tell him it’s hurtful and you don’t want to hear it.

If instead of saying sorry, he accuses you of having no sense of humour, dump him - because he’s shown even more that it’s not a joke, he just enjoys being nasty.

Cocomarine · 09/11/2020 14:54

I do actually agree with the “dump him” replies. My suggestion of having it out with him and dumping him if he says you can’t take a joke (which he will) was just in case you didn’t feel ready to just dump him.

BlueBirdGreenFence · 09/11/2020 14:54

That's not a joke. It's plain nasty. Tell him to do one. Arrogant prick.

islockdownoveryet · 09/11/2020 14:54

He says he's joking but what he's doing is putting you down . He's knocking you down , belittling you and making you feel like shit .
It's not ok so end it , he won't change could you really be happy with someone who finds it funny to make you feel like shit .?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/11/2020 14:54

He is not joking, op. He is putting you down intentionally. Get rid of this horrible prick. His "jokes" will only continue to get worse.

Calmandmeasured1 · 09/11/2020 14:55

Better to have one or two good friends than loads of acquaintances.

Neotraditional · 09/11/2020 14:55

He sounds awful OP. Please realise your worth and find a man who will love and respect you. It’s not obligatory to go clubbing and drinking and lots of people prefer their own company - there’s nothing wrong with that Flowers

M0rT · 09/11/2020 14:55

If your friends boyfriend said that to her in your hearing would you think it was a joke?

Calmandmeasured1 · 09/11/2020 14:55

He is not joking, op. He is putting you down intentionally. Get rid of this horrible prick. His "jokes" will only continue to get worse.
This.

HollowTalk · 09/11/2020 14:57

He's really awful. Who would say that to someone, especially someone they are supposed to really like?

In any case you two sound very badly suited. You will find someone much nicer who wants to live life like you do - tell this one to clear off.

ShebaShimmyShake · 09/11/2020 15:03

He sounds lovely.

There's nothing wrong with being a social butterfly or with being introverted with a small circle and a lot of alone time. But you may need to think about your compatibility if you are different in this regard and it causes issues. I think the fact that he's an arse about it is more of an issue than the fact that he's more sociable than you.

ContessaDiPulpo · 09/11/2020 15:05

He doesn't sound like a nice person. Have you told him that it makes you feel crap when he says these things? If you have and he's continued then that makes him a grade A arsehole.

funnylittlefloozie · 09/11/2020 15:07

He's not joking, he's a nasty little tit. You sound lovely, and you could do far, FAR better than him.

Marmozet · 09/11/2020 15:09

He clearly means something by it if he keeps saying that. Get rid he sounds nasty and belittling.