Boyfriend jokes i have no friends.

[redtrurto]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I am 24 and he is 23.
I am not the most social human being but I have my best friend who (of course when life was normal and there was no covid) we would go for meals and walks together often. I also have a uni friend who lives about an hour away and we will message over facebook and meet up about once every three months (pre-covid).
I have some people I speak to from work too (wouldn't class as friends but do have chats and message them sometimes).

I am quite introverted and I am happy with the amount of people I have in my life. I go for coffee with my mum and have 2 little sisters who also keep me occupied (9 and 10).

However, boyfriend has quite a few friends who he goes out drinking with something or on holidays with.

Whenever he goes out, he always says "you would probably be going out too if you had friends".

or "why don't you go out with your friends. Oh forgot you don;t have any"

He says it in a jokey way but I'm finding it quite tedious.

The thing is I don't care that he goes out. I'm not a massive drinker so would usually go and see my friend for a meal or takeaway and she's not a massive clubber either.So I don't get why he's being snidey with me.

Anyway, this came up as boyfriend was saying how once lockdown is over he can't wait for the pubs to open. I said it would be nice that first weekend of lockdown being over if we have a nice weekend away together. He laughed and said him and his friends have already planned a night out in a town an hour away once it's over and they'll probably get a hotel. I then said just said okay and he said "you'd understand if you had friends" and laughed,

He means it as a joke but I'm getting quite hurt by it.

What a waster.

Honestly if his friends are as shallow as him, maybe he should date them.

Dump the waste of skin, get a cat.

He is horrible. He is saying it repeatedly as a way to lower your self esteem. I had this done to me by a sibling. It's truly awful.

He sneering at you; it's nasty. It will undermine your confidence.

He's a right nasty twat, who keeps having a dig at you.

Why?

Because he likes to.

He likes feeling superior to you.

He doesn't care a whit about you.

If he did, he would get some much enjoyment from being such a rude twat.

Why would you put up with this OP?

You are yoo good for him.

He's a nasty twat.

Dump.

I was going to suggest and ask maybe you are leaning too much on him as a substitute for having less friends and he might feel stifled and not want to hang around with you all the time, but it’s pointless because it doesn’t change what he said or the way he spoke to you. That’s not a joke, it’s a cruel and callous remark.

There are nicer men out there OP, why stay with someone like this?

And you know what, if you suddenly did start going out with a bunch of friends, I bet he would have something nasty to say about that too

I think that he knows that you are in, thinking/waiting for him.

Which is why that is exactly where I wouldn't be

@redtrurto

By the way, me and boyfriend still live at home with parents so we won't be seeing each other really during this lockdown which is why i suggested a weekend away once it's over (if that's even possible and lockdown isn't extended).

Dump his ass. He is not ready for a relationship if his priority after lockdown is getting a hotel room with friends instead of seeing you. He is a waste of space

He thing is, it's not a joke, is it? After potentially not seeing you for weeks/ months, he is planning to see his friends before he sees you. And laughing about it as he turns down your suggestion of a weekend away, while most people would be apologetic. It does sound as though he doesn't take this relationship seriously, or just doesn't understand or appreciate the differences between you - its quite arrogant to think that he is the 'normal' one

Next time he says it you have only one reply

Consider yourself dumped you tedious little boy!

And mean it. Cos he sounds far too immature to be a keeper.

I will eat my hat if this is the only thing he says that is putting you down.

I’m the same age as you both.

I agree with others that he is intentionally putting you down and this will always be a problem in your relationship.

I will also say that I do think you have less friends than average for your age (sorry if that comes across as hurtful! But just a genuine observation) However there’s men that feel the same as you regarding friendships, and so there’s definitely potential dates out there whom you would be more compatible with in a relationship.

For me, I am lucky to have a lot of friends and I don’t necessary want to spend 100% of my free time with my boyfriend or family, I still enjoy going out and holidays etc with my friends. Therefore I know I wouldn’t be compatible with a guy that wanted me to spend every free moment with him, as we sort of lead different lives and have different expectations as a result.

Dump him.

It's not a joke it's a passive aggressive way of putting you down.

The thing is, I doubt he has as many friends as he thinks he does. They sound more like drinking buddies/fair weather friends. Once they start growing up and settling down, wife, kids, mortgage, jobs etc. Alot of his so called friends will disappear.

Better to have afew real close friends like you do.

I didn't have many friends for most of my 20s, OP, and was often alone - it changed later when I found a group I genuinely gelled with. I still don't see them especially frequently but it's great when I do.

You have your way of being social, he has his - neither is right but they are incompatible. And apart from anything, he sounds like a right dick.

I think you’re incompatible. He’s still quite immature, values his party party lifestyle and his huge amount of ‘friends’. You sound quite sensible. Ditch him.

Charming! I feel maybe you might be too different I have about 5 friends and ones my husband and ones my mum so doesn't really count but I'm happy. I had more friends at your age but people drift naturally, no dramas.

**Dump him.

It's not a joke it's a passive aggressive way of putting you down.

The thing is, I doubt he has as many friends as he thinks he does. They sound more like drinking buddies/fair weather friends. Once they start growing up and settling down, wife, kids, mortgage, jobs etc. Alot of his so called friends will disappear.

Better to have afew real close friends like you do.

This, with bells on

He isn't joking, he's belittles you because he's a nasty little bully. He's showing you contempt, there's no overcoming that.

He sounds unnecessarily unkind to me. Have you asked him to stop this? It's very hurtful.

I'm an introvert and I don't have loads of friends so I totally get where you're at in terms of not being a social butterfly. Extroverts don't get it though and he sounds just nasty.

My best relationship has been with DH and we are happy introverts together!

You sound lovely. This isn't going to get better so don't try and put up with it.

It’s a running joke between me and my boyfriend how few friends I have, however we both find it funny. Nothing is said in a snide or nasty way. Just a little jokes usually started by me like oh when we get married mine will fill a pew, yours will fill a church! In your case he’s being cruel and I wouldn’t put up with it. I’m with everyone else, you deserve better. I’d bin him he sounds awful!

He’s snide

Don't waste another second on him or with him. That sounds spiteful to me and I sort of feel that the relationship has run its course anyway.

Psychologically, jokes that are cruel, humiliating or aren't funny, are a 'legitimate' (in their mind) way to express hidden contempt & hostility . You have a close circle of friends. I' d rather that, than lots of fairweather ones who are only around for partying & drinking. You can do so much better. He's emotionally abusive.