To think he was following me?

[Elmo311]

Good evening everyone!

I'm still bloody thinking about this like 3 hours later so I basically wanted opinions on what people think, whether I'm just thinking too much into it!

I took my daughter to the park around 4pm, just a short visit before dinner as the park is about 6 mins walk away.

When we were leaving the park, she decided that she wanted to walk, she's 18months old so the walk was slow! Anyway, a man passed us by and he stared at us, I thought it was weird but maybe he was just thinking that we were in his way and he was annoyed that he had to walk in the grass as I was pushing the buggy and holding her hand and we took up the path.

As we were at the gate to leave the park a couple of mins(?) later he passed by again entering the park , still staring at me.

I carried on out of the park holding my daughters hand and a few mins went by as we were pointing out busses etc, I then put her in the buggy and kept walking towards home, and he passed by AGAIN looking at us! As he turned his head away, he couldn't see me) I actually remember mouthing WTF?

He walked ahead and then turned around to stare at us again and I started to get freaked out so when he turned away I hid behind a Bush next to a house, I then saw him turn around to head back towards us and as he was about to pass I walked out so that he'd be behind us. I think this was to maybe confirm that he was following me? I don't know!

He kept doubling back so whenever he passed me he'd walk back again staring at us. When I got to my house I hid nearby and he couldn't see me so he walked back again.

It was a busy road, luckily. But I'm so freaked out at how vulnerable I felt especially because my daughter was with me. But I also was close to saying "can I help you?" Or something ruder!

Do you find this weird? I even took a photo of him and walking ahead of me incase anything happened I could remember what he was wearing 😫.

What should I have done? All the other adjacent roads were quieter so less safe!

I'm freaking out thinking about what he wanted, whether he wanted to harm us etc :(

P.S I second that the gift of fear is a great book. Never ignore your instincts.

I would go with your instincts, if you feel he was following you he probably was. I have had this happen a few times, I used to work shifts at uni and finished at 9pm, I decided to walk home because it was still light, and the walk wasn't through anywhere secluded. On the road towards halls there were a load of pubs and bars, and I suspect he assumed I was drunk; but he followed me, I popped into the newsagents just to hopefully lose him, and he was waiting on the otherside of the road when I got out, and crossed back over and continued to follow me. Thankfully halls had security guards on reception, and I ran a bit ahead and said don't let him in, I ran up the stairs through the foyer but heard commotion and him shouting, I dread to think what would have happened if they hadn't been there! Also when I was pregnant had someone follow me around when walking home, I felt so uneasy I reported to 101- didn't hear back from them but lots of women with small children or pregnant said they had the same happen to them by someone who fitted the same description, thankfully haven't seen him since. Shudder

@comedycentral "never ignore your instincts" so true !! If something feels wrong most likely it is! Allways trust your gut it's better to be safe than sorry !!!!!!! I remember 2 years ago when I was 18 I had a bad feeling whilst I was in the bus station sitting waiting for my bus I had a feeling like either something bad was happening or was about to happen and something told me to ring my twin sister and thank GOD that I did. I rung but there was no awnser so I rung again and she awnsered the phone screaming my name I've never heard a scream like that in my life. Someone was trying to abduct her whilst she was walking down our road they pulled up and put there hand around her mouth and arm around her neck trying to drag her into the car she was 8 months pregnant at the time aswell. As soon as she screamed ring the police he ran off I know now that the reason she didn't pick up the first time was because she couldn't see as his hand was over her eyes so that she couldn't awnser the phone but she just kept tapping the screen and it eventually awnsered this is why it is pissing me off seeing people saying things like "don't be daft" "it's not like he's gonna be waiting in the park again for her" theese things happen and can happen to anyone never in a million years did I think something like this would happen to one of us but it has and it's taught us both a lesson

And he was following her in the car going up and down the street both ways driving past her before he pulled up trying to drag her in the car so yes if you feel like your being FOLLOWED Never EVER ignore it

totally agree with the follow your instincts comments. sorry you had such an awful experience, report, don't report, but hope you don't let it get to you permanently he's gone now.

Some blokes will follow a woman to basically ogle her and don’t realise how blatant they are. When I used to get the school bus the lads would do this.

Definitely always trust your gut. I'd felt the same way as you OP. That's just weird what he was doing.
Not long ago I was walking with my DS who is 16 months and this car was acting a bit weird. They stopped just ahead of me and I could see him looking in his rear view mirror at us. Luckily DS was in his pram and something told me to go left which was a cut through that a car wouldn't be able to get down. I never walked so fast in my life. The end of the cut through there were some dog walkers so I stayed out for a while pretending to sort DS out. I saw this car go past 3 times. Luckily I know the cut through as live close by. I went onto the main road to go home and this car went past again about to stop. I was already near another cut through and I legged it through into a cul de sac and didn't see them again. Always report them.

I'm very wary of walking by myself of even by myself with DS. I hate feeling like it. I was grabbed by this disgusting man whilst I was away at uni returning to my halls. I actually feel sick at the thought of having to go out by myself. I NEVER take DS to the park if there is no one else around.

So this isn't a sensible reply to your post OP, but it is true. I took a group of Y6 children away on a residential visit in the middle of a forest. One evening the activity we ran was a hare and hounds activity - I set off with a 30 minutes head start and laid a trail through the forest for the children to follow until they caught me. As I was laying the trail, on my own out in the forest, I realised I had been passed by the same man on his bike several times. In all he passed me about half a dozen times and I was getting very nervous. Soon after the sixth time, I heard the children getting nearer, so I decided to hide in a bush, as you do. The man rode past on his bike just as I was creeping into the bush. I hid there, feeling very silly and wondering whether the man now thought I was weird too. Then I realised that instead of getting louder, the children's voices were further away. They had obviously taken a wrong turning. So I leapt out of the bush and ran down the path shouting at the top of my voice "Yoo hoo! It's Mrs Unhinged, chase me!" You've guessed it, the man was just cycling by, and now I knew he thought I was weird!

@comedycentral That sounds terrifying to me, you're so brave calling him out on his behaviour! Glad nothing else happened to you and your baby x

I'd have been scared, too, OP. And I don't think it's OTT to avoid the park for a while, if it makes you feel safer.

Actually, some self-defense experts advise that we all avoid following the exact same route on a daily basis. Instead we should shake up the routine a bit so that we're not completely predictable. It makes things a little more difficult for would-be trouble-makers, since they won't know that we're always at X spot at X time.

@comedycentral I tried to purchase the book but all I can find is the summary?! I'll try again tomorrow when I'm less tired.

@Towelwaffle I used to have things like this happen to me too, when I was younger. I hate this shit!

I'm glad you got away safely from him! Hope he got hit by a bus!

@kmkkkkkk I can tell you're very passionate about this! And rightly so! It's very scary what happened to your sister, I would never be the same again, I hope she's ok.

Instinct is very important and I've always had a very good one, so I think I will trust myself on the fact that he was being a right weirdo.

@stovetopespresso Thank you. I think it will probably trouble me for a few days but then I'll move on from it. This thread is helping me process it all, and not drive my other half crazy!

@LordLancington I looked like shite. It was definitely not to ogle me! I did have a bright red hat and scarf on though. Think I'll buy something black now!

@EatTheHamTina And you're left wondering what they wanted/harm they wanted to cause :(
You're lucky you knew the area and how to evade them. We've got to protect our little ones.

I'm definitely going to report it. Just in case.
Sorry about trauma that you've been through. It does make me think I need to be more careful than I have been x

@Slightlyunhinged That was just what I needed!

@TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara I think I will avoid it, it's funny because I always avoided it for the last 3 years because whenever I walked past there were always youths there just smoking and looking a bit dodgy! I thought it was a bit of a rough park.
Then through lockdown number 1 I realised that it has a nice playground and it's a huge park so I started taking both kids there during the day for a walk and it's always been fine and I've felt safe until tonight.

It's annoying me because I thought I was doing something nice for my daughter by taking her out when I haven't for a week, and instead I feel like I put us in danger and was very stupid :(

Report to police as suspicious behaviour

If there is a parenting group that you are part of then try to share the photo of the man with blurred face and ask if anyone had a similar experience so that there could be warning from the man and multiple reporting to the police

He doesn’t sound normal and his behaviour is threatening. He might be innocent but needs to be investigated

I agree with other posters advising you to report it, you never know who has moved into your area - I say that because in my town there are two ex-offender hostels directly opposite the park and there have been problems in the past. Good for you have the sense to hide and also not letting him see where you live. Dont let it scare you from the park though, you sound like you have good awareness, maybe just try and visit at popular times for a while.

Definitely report to the police, it could be part of a wider pattern locally. I hope you’re okat!

You did the right thing not leading him to your home. I also second approaching a stranger for help or a fake friend etc.

OP this must have been so distressing for you. Please report this incident to the Police and provide them with the photograph you took. I'm a great believer in always trusting your gut instinct, it's better to be safe than sorry. Some advice I was given by my aunt several years ago around personal safety was to carry my keys in my hand or pocket if I was walking alone so I could jab someone with them if they tried to hurt me and if I felt I was being followed and there was no one around on the street to help me, to go to a house with lights on or one that looked occupied and knock the door and ask for help. The Suzy Lamplugh Trust have an excellent website with very good information about personal safety available, you might find it useful to have a look.

I experienced similar thing. It turned out the man had serious MH issues that were cyclical and escalating from time to time as he hadn't been taking his meds. He would be readmitted to residential facilities then back into the community. I think I may have reminded him of someone. It was very disconcerting but he was quite elderly and small so I didn't feel threatened. I contacted Community Protection who were aware of him as he's been staring at other women too. In my case he,seemed to think I was following him ( I wasn't i was just walking in a quiet street probably near to where he was staying). We've also had people on local facebook mention an aggressive staring man on our local park.

There are lots of creeps around at the moment. Buggy eyed ones who have always scared the heck out of me.

OP, something similar happened to me, DH and our then toddler son in a park (not in U.K.). I was suspicious that a man was trailing us. I asked DH to stop (he had DS on his back in a carrier) while I pretended to tie my shoelace. Whaddya know, the man stopped too. When I asked DH to turn around and get a good look at him, the man brushed past us with his head down and ran down a slope out of the park.
In our case I am pretty sure he was after DH’s wallet, which was visible as a square bulge in his rear jeans pocket, just under DS’s feet. I don’t see how he could have got it without pushing DH and potentially harming DS. Anyway, my point is that you probably had something visible that looked stealable, just as you suggested. You’re very vulnerable when dealing with both a buggy and a toddler. Maybe get a buggy board for such occasions.

Thanks to everyone who commented, I'm still bloody thinking about what happened at 4:30 in the morning! I just feel so freaked out by him!

Unfortunately the photo is only of the back of him as he's walking ahead of me, after he turned around to stare at me.

I wasn't brave enough to get one of his face!

I really hate how it's made me feel. I've had weirdos follow me before but this was pre children! I had thought of myself as invisible now and I was happy with that! I haven't felt threatened by a stranger (man) for a few years and I think it's bothering me more because I had my daughter with me and I wanted to protect us both.

I keep thinking about it and if he did want to steal from me he had plenty of opportunity, when we were looking at the busses I was walking with her and carrying her in one arm and pushing the buggy with my free hand- he could've run up then and snatched the bag that was on the free buggy seat, and had a potty of his very own!

He didn't do that which makes me think he wanted to harm us. It's just the eye contact as well, and he really did make me aware of his presence.

Prick!

Why is it always men who do this?

You never hear of a man freaked out because a woman was following him and staring at him!

Makes 0 sense

@Idunnoyou ? Can you clarify what you mean?

I don't know why men do this but I know how terrifying it is. I've been followed when pregnant and with a toddler (both and separately)