To be sick of my toddler trashing my house?

[gchali]

Quite honestly I can't cope with the daily mess. Any sort of untidiness just gives me the worst anxiety and I don't know how to deal with it at the moment his favourite thing to do at the moment is to pull all of the cushions off the sofa and pile them all up in the middle of the room!

How can I stop him from doing this? Or am I resigned to the fact that he's a toddler and this is just how it's going to be? Arghh!

OP, I was expecting much worse from your thread title.

But if it's really bothering you (which it sounds like it is), could you direct your toddler's energy in a way acceptable to you. So an indoor trampoline or some of those folding tunnels or an indoor climbing frame? Or a giant bean bag to jump on?

PizzaMummy That is only your thread to share, it is definitely not your place to use it as am example of how bad things could be.
OP, you are doing well. Dont feel bad. We used to stack the cushions up into rockpools and pretend we were fishing in them.

Of course I won't allow DS to break the tv but I would try to distract him instead of telling him off. I'm constantly clearing up after him, I literally have no time for myself because I'm constantly running around after him. I don't understand how one toddler could cause such destruction. I get you totally do. Sorry for my earlier reply. I just had a massive headache after reading that thread and af is due so I'm totally messed. Apologies for hijacking your thread. Lots of love 💗

Sorry, should say "that is not your thread to share"

I think you are probably bet off seeking help for your anxiety as it probably will only get worse! My teens are hopeless for leaving cups, plates out in the kitchen, clothes on their bedroom floor, shoes in the hall, textbooks and papers piled up on the dining table....and then they get girlfriend and have mates over so that's tripled! xx

Go back to GP you have given the ADs plenty of time to work, you need something else that works better.

Bloody hell @LeGrandBleu. If you are wrong..

Hi folks,

Please don't discuss other threads in order to troll hunt - given the nature, we may have to issue suspensions if it continues. If you have concerns, report them to us.

Well, you are an adult capable of taking steps to deal with your anxiety. Nothing bad is going to happen because the cushions are not in place on the sofa, and I'm pretty sure you know that. I think you mean you don't like the place being untidy.

Your child, however, is a toddler learning and developing through play. You can engage him in different kinds of play, and he would no doubt be delighted, but basically, a child's purpose is to play. I think you would benefit from thinking more about the world from your child's point of view.

By piling up the sofa cushions repeatedly, your DS is making connections in his brain and reinforcing them so they stay permanently wired. That learning about the world is crucial to his development.

When children learn through play, they are learning in the most personalised and efficient way possible. It's the best thing for them.

Running round fixed equipment in a soft play centre also wires some connections but not in the same way.

Instead of focusing on the mess, try to work out what he's learning by piling up the cushions. There are a myriad ways his brain could be developing via this play. Then maybe you will be able to change how you perceive it, from mess to something constructive.

I had friends in your position. If you cant contain the mess in a room you dont use often (eg a dedicated playroom, or the childs bedroom) your only option is a playpen, but your child will not be happy about it and you might find it's not worth a crying miserable child.

Thank you LilyMumsnet.

Mine used to trash my bed, every day, for about 3 years. He'd run and dive under the covers, thrash around, duvet would end up on the floor, pillows thrown in every direction.......He also used to open every cupboard and drawer on a daily basis and try to pull the contents out.

God it pissed me off at the time. But it did stop, by the time he was about 4.5 ish!

Perfectly normal behaviour for a toddler.

If your biggest problem is cushions then you are lucky. My toddler ds has drawn on walls, tipped his drink upside down to make a puddle on the table, he loves to empty a whole box of bricks over the floor and then just leave it, he drew all over himself and his sister once. Toddlers are destructive by nature, not on purpose just cause they are exploring.

You have my sympathy too, 18 month old DS is the same. I’m not particularly anxious or even that house proud but I do like a semblance of order and it does depress me a bit that there’s always stuff pulled out everywhere no matter how much tidying I try and do. I have rearranged kitchen cupboards so the ones he can reach don’t have as much in and have given him his own cupboard, which helps a bit. Also had a huge toy sort out but still seem to have too many. DD is 4 years old and helps tidy now so I know it’s a phase, but since I have a newborn too I know I’m in for years of this! No advice sorry just solidarity!

Could you look at it as you getting the cushions and throws off for you both to play with rather than seeing it as him chucking them around? I like a tidy house and I obsessively straighten cushions etc but when my DSs were little I enjoyed den building and we made some great ones. But if I remember rightly I used to say shall we build whatever and would start taking the stuff off the sofas and he’d join in and I never thought of it as trashing the room.

Does he have access to all of his toys all of the time? If so I would invest in some toy storage and keep the majority out of sight, maybe in the garage, and just have a few in his 'toybox' at a time. Change them out every few days. Jigsaw puzzles, craft supplies and things with small pieces that will just get spread everywhere, bring out when you're ready to do an activity with him, rather than let him access them himself. This a) cuts down on the mess, b) teaches him to respect his things , c) keeps things special so when you really need him to be distracted, like if you're under the weather or something, he'll have toys he's half forgotten about to keep him busy and d) is a great incentive for tidying up - 'WHEN we've put the cushions on the sofa THEN you can have your cars out'

I would also read up about 'schemas'. It can be frustrating when it seems like they're making a mindless mess, or doing something annoying, but if you learn about why they're doing these things it's easier to feel more accepting of it, and to come up with more structured activities that satisfy the same need. For example with a toddler who'd throwing all their toys out of the toybox and across the room, you feel cross at how untidy it is and how the toys get broken, but you read about the trajectory schema and you realise you can redirect that need to throw into something structured and appropriate, like a game of lobbing balled up socks into a basket on the floor.

toddlers are savage little arseholes sometimes

but this is play, exploring. best thing to do is whack those wellies and raincoat on and crack on with your day!

So many children go to school unable to hold a pen or paint a picture, they struggle with laces and toilet training

OP you need to learn what the baby needs to develop. Schools are having to run forest schools because kids just don’t play in the mud anymore

He’s a toddler, he’s exploring. You need to live with it and tidy up in the evenings like the rest of us. Please don’t try and curb the behaviour of such a young child. Arranging sofa cushions is hardly “trashing your house”.

Maybe seek help for your anxiety.

As others have mentioned what he is doing- working on his coordination (and probably imagination too if building dens) is really good for his development. If you struggle with seeing it in your home, could you just spend lots of time out of doors? Is there a local park where he could climb logs and pile branches on top of one another?

I can empathise it drives me mad! I try to make sure there are ways he can make a mess / explore whilst leaving my soft furnishing alone. For example we have toys in both living room abs bedroom and DS knows he can get any amount out / make a mess etc and that’s fine. Also have ‘play blankets’ folded with the toys that can be got out to make dens. However he knows some things aren’t allowed - pulling all the cushions and throws off the couch, clothes off the maiden, pulling things out of the cupboards etc. He also gets involved with tidying up - usually just before bath time but sometimes at lunchtime if it’s been a busy morning and everything’s out (he knows he can get stuff out again after lunch)

What’s been good also is storage - kallax and IKEA toy boxes which are easy enough for him to empty out but really quick to tidy up and hide everything away

As others have mentioned what he is doing- working on his coordination (and probably imagination too if building dens) is really good for his development.

Also his concept of space and place, transporting, the relationship between density and weight, balance, shape, height, textures, number, and planning, his resilience and desire to explore and experiment, predicting what will happen to the cushions and what influences the differences in each resulting pile.

Each time you put them back, you're setting his experiment up for him again and he has a new opportunity to learn.

Could you join in?