To feel really upset for my DD6 and that I've let her down

[MrsWarleggan]

DD6 is the youngest out of the whole year and this term has gone into YR2.

In January her YR1 teacher said she has been coming on leaps and bounds and that as the youngest she of course is slightly behind her peers but that based on current progress she was more than happy that by the end of YR2 she will be on an even keel with everyone else...... Then lockdown happened.

The school was very good with home learning, but as a full time key worker (with a 10 month old DD) I just couldn't do it. We read everyday but every time we tried to allocate time DD6 just lost concentration after 5 minutes. She was at school everyday and by the time we got home, she was exhausted then over weekends I had to catch up on work hours.

We had parents evening last week and whilst they are happy with phonics, writing they are quite concerned about her maths. They recommended computer programs to download and she has been doing it (rather well actually).

Get a phonecall today from her teacher to say they have been allocated funding for children needing additional help and DD has been selected. I'm grateful to the school and he did put a positive spin on it, I of course accepted but when I got off the phone I had a little cry because all I could hear in my head was "Your kid is stupid and she needs etc help" (I know she's not).

I feel like I have completely let her down and I should have persevered with the home learning, but there just wasnt enough hours in the week to fit it all in.

Don't blame yourself. The reason she's getting the help is because of two reasons beyond your control... Having a KW parent to be proud of, and her age relative to her peers. Just be happy she's going to get the boost to help her.

OP my kid had help like this in Yr2. He's bloody brilliant as a teen, runs rings around the exact same kids he was way behind at age 6. Don't stress, be happy with the help.

My brother was the youngest in his year and behind other kids with reading and writing. My parents couldn't really help him with his work ( dad worked long hours, mum had three other kids to look agtet), I helped him and eventually he got a tutor for a year just to raise his confidence. My brother is a junior dr now and is thriving.

Some times kids do need additional help to raise their confidence, it doesn't mean she will always need it or be behind. Be kind to yourself, you are trying your best and that is all any of us can do!

*after

Don't blame yourself. Every child is different and forcing a whole class through the same hoops at the same pace just shows how little the education system reflects human learning process! This year, particularly, teachers are not able to vary the work enough for every child because there are so many 'starting points' in the classroom.

She's not stupid at all, that's a hang up from your own school days where children did used to be labelled as stupid for all sorts of reasons.

It sounds as though the online based learning suits her very well, maybe this new additional support, being away from the distractions of a full classroom is all she actually needs? Rather than the specific learning itself! I know schools do try to keep children IN a classroom as much as possible because of costs and resources, but there's a lot to be said for small group or one to one learning.

You have not let her down op. She has the disadvantage of being the youngest in the class and having so much time off and quite frankly home schooling is really hard.

Dd is similar. She’s in year 1 and youngest in her class. After missing a large chunk of reception she is quite far behind (she does have extra support anyway due to speech delay). Home schooling was really difficult here. Teachers never expected miracles. I felt like a failure when I seen photos of parents on social media doing fantastic jobs of home schooling!! It wasn’t like that for us. I also have an older son with additional needs which made things more difficult when he refused to any home learning. They are both behind academically.

There are so many children who will be the same! Don’t beat yourself up. It’s great the school are doing something to help. Many schools don’t put the effort in!

Thank you for your reassurances/experiences. I know it's going to help her and I am very grateful to the school. Just feel so bad!! 😕

I really don’t see what more you could’ve done and she’s now getting the catch up help she needs. I’m sure she’ll be fine, and by the end of primary it’ll be a distant memory.

I completely understand how you feel. My dd is in year 5 and has always struggled with reading, she is fine with maths. Lockdown was a battle with tears on both sides to get her to do any English based work. She has also been selected for a additional group work. She has been in catch up groups now for 3 consecutive school years.

Every time I spoke to the teachers they assured me it was fine, that she would catch up, that she was intellectually bright. She has recently been for a visual stress assessment that I’ve paid for privately. She has been diagnosed with Irlens Syndrome and also has a visual convergency problem. I would strongly advise you look at getting your dd tested too, teachers aren’t always the experts on these issues and when it doesn’t fit the overall picture of ability it’s worth being checked out.

You are not a bad mum!

You haven’t let her down at all! She’s the youngest in the class and it’s been a massively hard year all around. It’s great that she is getting the extra help now so that she can learn as much as possible.

I have no doubt my ds would be in this category if we had it and he is a Feb birthday! I’m always been told he’s in the “emerging” category which is all new to me as Dd (Oct born) was always ahead!

You haven't let her down at all. Atop that right now! . She's happy, secure and loved and I bet she's proud of her mummy being a keyworker through this awful time.

Loads of kids need extra help somewhere along the line, they don't all learn and develop at the same pace. Be happy he school has identified her needs and is giving her the extra support.

Do not feel bad.

Your child might be a fabulous artist.
A very fast sprinter.
A fantastic explorer.

No child can excel in every single area of school.

Atop = Stop!

Brilliant the school is supporting her. Woth this help she will catch up. You havnt failed her. Life happens

Thanks all 👍

Our school is doing catch up for the whole year groups - breaking them up into smaller groups. My daughter is a September birthday and we’ve been selected so don’t worry it’s a good thing it will help her.

The government had made funds available to all schools for just this purpose. There are many children who need help to catch up for all manner of reasons. Please don't feel bad about it.

Don’t blame yourself as you are doing your best but you need to not be using the ‘youngest in the year’ as a reason , many summer born children do not struggle at all . If your daughter needs additional help and the school has done the right thing by identifying this quickly , which they have , I’d just be grateful that I’d chosen the correct school .

She was in school, not being home educated. You haven't failed.

And many do struggle @floralnomad, which is why it is a 'thing'.

Please don't feel bad. All children need more support than others at some point in their education. It is not your job to teach your dd, it is your job to provide an education which you have done via school.

My niece was the youngest in her year, she's now a solicitor with 2 degrees under her belt.

Give yourself a break!

In some countries, formal learning doesn’t even start until 7. She has loads of time to catch up, and there will be loads of children in her situation- the school has enough of them to have secured additional funding to help. It’s not your fault or your DD’s fault, and school sound on it.

Keep praising, encouraging and being proud of her progress. She’ll be grand, and so will you.

It sounds like you’ve been doing a great job and haven’t let her down at all. The school has been given funding for this because it was a problem all over the country, not just with you. You’re just being a Mum, mums have to feel guilty about something, it’s the rule.

Children develop at different rates and the penny doesn’t always drop at first. Maybe she’ll never be great with figures. I wasn’t and I hate dealing with them but have come to realise I’m actually above average re everyday ability (just not higher mathematics) but am ok with literacy and have two degrees and a diploma. A lot has to do with confidence — praise your daughter for how hard she applies herself, not so much re results so she will get into the habit of studying and the results will naturally follow. Computer maths programmes are great and definitely helped my daughter become proficient when I felt unable to support her with her homework.
Engender a love of books in your DD — let her see you enjoy reading in the odd moments you have time. Read to both your daughters when you are feeding or cuddling the baby — baby won’t care story is over their head. Ask your daughter to retell the story to baby to aid comprehension and vocabulary.
Don’t berate yourself — these are hard times but even in ideal times most mother’s look back and think they could have done better and that’s natural.
Good luck

They're not saying you've failed.

They're saying that due to unavoidable circumstances she has missed out on some of the usual maths teaching she would have had and they are now making sure that she has that teaching.

Working as a key worker and having 2 children to care for throughout lockdown is a massive challenge alone. Any lessons and reading you managed were an achievement not a failure.