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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset by what I’m hearing?

126 replies

Capamile · 04/11/2020 19:57

Sorry another covid related question.
People have probably had enough of this subject but just after opinions and thoughts really as finding it difficult to be biased.
My cousin died of covid aged 52 and had no other health issues, was fit and ate healthily.
Also, bro in law has covid and has been really poorly and in hospital (he’s 33 and again has no health issues).
I work in a very small company and a lot of my colleagues have been chatting about their kids going out although they’re currently under tier 2.
They’ve said their kids ranging from 18-25 have still been meeting friends and we’re talking about how all the young ones have been getting around the tier 2 rules by getting fake student ID cards made with same address on so looks like they all live together.
AIBU to think this is selfish and part of the reason we are going in lockdown tomorrow?
I don’t understand it’s difficult for young people (only 31 myself) and mental health is important but these live at home with their parents so aren’t living alone.
Their parents don’t see anything wrong with what they’re doing but I just feel it’s irresponsible personally.

OP posts:
Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:29

[quote Souldyurr]@Cheeseandlobster I did read the thread - I was the first person to comment. OP may or may not have heard one person saying one thing and has decided to blame an entire group for something that is, factually speaking, not their fault. If I said "my black colleague is breaking the rules therefore black people are to blame" no one would even remotely accept that behaviour because it's horrifically discriminatory and nasty. OP is no different - there's nothing to support what she's saying and it's a really nasty post blaming a group who have lost a hell of a lot during Covid to protect others.[/quote]
Souldyurr
I asked my original question based on what I’d heard today. Why not just say ‘yes, you’re being unreasonable’ instead of saying you don’t believe what I did actually heard and that I’m bashing them when I just wrote what I had heard. You weren’t there! Hmm

OP posts:
Souldyurr · 04/11/2020 20:31

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:31

I completely get why young people are peed off and want to go out. I’m 31 and I’m itching to go out drinking with my friends myself!!
I just got upset by what I heard as when you do lose someone, it’s difficult to accept hearing about colleagues kids finding loopholes to break the rules.

OP posts:
Rotundandhappy · 04/11/2020 20:32

@Souldyurr Jesus Christ, what are you on? Hmm

Souldyurr · 04/11/2020 20:34

@Capamile

I completely get why young people are peed off and want to go out. I’m 31 and I’m itching to go out drinking with my friends myself!! I just got upset by what I heard as when you do lose someone, it’s difficult to accept hearing about colleagues kids finding loopholes to break the rules.
People of every demographic are finding loopholes to break the rules. Old people, young people, black people, white people, Asian people, fat people, thin people, disabled people, lawyers, doctors, men, women... Why are you so obsessed with blaming young people? Given that the parents aren't condemning it in anyway, what makes you think they're sticking to the rules? Are both these colleagues and their children white? Why not blame white people? Stop discriminating. YANBU to say to your colleagues that you disagree with their children's behaviour or to feel that their out of order. YABU to come onto Mumsnet and try to incite people to turn on a demographic of society and blame a whole group of people for something that is not their fault.
HeddaGarbled · 04/11/2020 20:37

Quite, most of the students I know are stressing about online studying and whether they’re going to be allowed home for Christmas, not making fake ID cards. That sounds like an urban myth to me.

Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:38

Souldyurr
My colleague (with 18yo) presumed it was a student ID his daughter had faked.
Conversation between him, me, other lady in office (who has 21 & 23 yo):

Colleague 1: M. is going out tonight before lockdown with her friends. She’s getting one in before tomorrow.

Colleague 2: My pair as well, I hope they aren’t too noisy when they get in as I want an early night

Colleague 3: They won’t be back too late as pubs shut at 10

Me: Are pubs not asking if people live together at the moment as I’ve not been to pub for a while.

Colleague 1: Well, they all got these fake student ids with the same address on

Colleague 2: yes mine have got them as well just in case they’re asked

That’s the main part of the conversation and the part I was shocked by which is why I remember it so well!

Feel like I’m a trial just for stating something I’d heard!!! Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:39

[quote Rotundandhappy]**@Souldyurr* Jesus Christ, what are you on*? Hmm[/quote]
Christ knows! I want some of whatever it is though!!Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:40

@HeddaGarbled

Quite, most of the students I know are stressing about online studying and whether they’re going to be allowed home for Christmas, not making fake ID cards. That sounds like an urban myth to me.
Just what I heard from one of my colleagues. Not said everyone has one! Just 3 young adults of two colleagues (and apparently the friends of one of colleague’s daughters)
OP posts:
Deadringer · 04/11/2020 20:41

Inciting hatred? Ffs. The op asked if she was unreasonable to feel upset. Op yanbu, especially given that you have lost someone, who was relatively young, to covid. The people you are talking about are absolute dickheads. I have a 17 year old and a 22 year old (both students) and neither of them socialise unless it's online, because they are not selfish arseholes. Hope your bil makes a speedy recovery.

Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:43

Souldyurr You seem to read what’s not there.
I didn’t say all young people are flouting the rules.
I asked AIBU to feel upset that my colleagues kids are. And yes, I said it to them.

OP posts:
DimidDavilby · 04/11/2020 20:46

Hinny at 31 you are not a young person I'm sorry.

Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:46

@Deadringer

Inciting hatred? Ffs. The op asked if she was unreasonable to feel upset. Op yanbu, especially given that you have lost someone, who was relatively young, to covid. The people you are talking about are absolute dickheads. I have a 17 year old and a 22 year old (both students) and neither of them socialise unless it's online, because they are not selfish arseholes. Hope your bil makes a speedy recovery.
Thank you! I don’t really understand why my post has been taken so out of context tbh... but hey!
OP posts:
Isolatedizzy · 04/11/2020 20:47

I lost one of my oldest, closest friends to Covid very early on, he was 57 fit, no underlying health conditions. I also lost a work colleague and 2 elderly relatives plus 2 friends of friends.

It's easy for people to be dismissive of it, quote the stats about how few people die etc etc until one of those 'very few people' is someone close to them.

I am very sorry for your loss OP! Thanks

Do your work colleagues know about your cousin?

Souldyurr · 04/11/2020 20:47

@Capamile

Souldyurr My colleague (with 18yo) presumed it was a student ID his daughter had faked. Conversation between him, me, other lady in office (who has 21 & 23 yo):

Colleague 1: M. is going out tonight before lockdown with her friends. She’s getting one in before tomorrow.

Colleague 2: My pair as well, I hope they aren’t too noisy when they get in as I want an early night

Colleague 3: They won’t be back too late as pubs shut at 10

Me: Are pubs not asking if people live together at the moment as I’ve not been to pub for a while.

Colleague 1: Well, they all got these fake student ids with the same address on

Colleague 2: yes mine have got them as well just in case they’re asked

That’s the main part of the conversation and the part I was shocked by which is why I remember it so well!

Feel like I’m a trial just for stating something I’d heard!!! Hmm

So, seeing as you remember the conversation word-for-word it's strange that you've now TWICE changed your mind about whether the colleague said student IDs or fake IDs. Your OP says "fake student ID cards", you then clarified "I presumed student cards as my colleagues said fake ID" when I pointed out student cards don't have addresses on but now you've insisted he said "fake student IDs". So, which one is it? Like I said, most 21 and 23 year olds aren't students anyway. Who the hell checks for ID to prove you all live at the same address? The only person with the power to demand proof of address is the police, the only ID with an address is a driving licence and the police would check the DVLA database to a fake ID is useless. Either you made this up or your colleagues are winding you up. Not to mention, these people don't appear to be breaking the rules. You're allowed to go out to pubs. Like I said, YANBU to be annoyed at your colleagues if this happened or frustrated with the situation. YABU to blame one demographic of society - that's called discrimination and it's wrong (despite what mumsnet says).
Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:50

@DimidDavilby

Hinny at 31 you are not a young person I'm sorry.
I meant I understand what it’s like for young people as it wasn’t THAT long ago that I WAS young.
OP posts:
Souldyurr · 04/11/2020 20:50

For clarification: "kids ranging from 18-25 have still been meeting friends and we’re talking about how all the young ones have been getting around the tier 2 rules". That's the part of your OP that is discriminatory and wrong - you identified a group within society (that is protected under the Equality Act 2010 and then said "ALL" of them were doing something because you heard second hand evidence that three people were apparently doing something - even though the thing they're doing isn't actually against the rules.

Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:53

I already said I remember it because i was so shocked about it.
You need something happy in your life I think as you seem so unnecessarily angry at a complete stranger who heard a conversation you weren’t there to hear.

OP posts:
Souldyurr · 04/11/2020 20:55

@Capamile

I already said I remember it because i was so shocked about it. You need something happy in your life I think as you seem so unnecessarily angry at a complete stranger who heard a conversation you weren’t there to hear.
Huh? Remember what? You've changed it twice - what do you remember? It's also entirely irrelevant what you remember tbh - discrimination is wrong. That's a fact, that's the law. If you don't like it then there's not much you can do. Blaming all young people for Covid by accusing all young people of breaking the rules is disgusting.
Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 20:56

You’ve read my OP all wrong Souldyurr - read it again with highlighted bits which you conveniently removed from your copy and paste...

I put
THEY’VE said THEIR kids ranging from 18-25 have still been meeting friends and we’re (Meant WERE - autocorrect) talking about how all the young ones have been getting around the tier 2 rules by getting fake student ID cards made with same address on so looks like they all live together.

By THEY meaning my colleagues

OP posts:
somelemons · 04/11/2020 20:58

@Souldyurr

For clarification: "kids ranging from 18-25 have still been meeting friends and we’re talking about how all the young ones have been getting around the tier 2 rules". That's the part of your OP that is discriminatory and wrong - you identified a group within society (that is protected under the Equality Act 2010 and then said "ALL" of them were doing something because you heard second hand evidence that three people were apparently doing something - even though the thing they're doing isn't actually against the rules.
Just give it a rest for crying out loud. Why are you being so unpleasant?

A thread started by someone who has been bereaved and is grieving is not the place for you to use as a soapbox for your controversial (and some might say deliberately goady and antagonistic) opinions.

IrishMamaMia · 04/11/2020 20:59

Sorry to hear about your family OP. Really scary how random it can be with Covid.
I'm in your age demographic and I think it has been easier to keep to the rules as apart from work, I mainly do things like bring the kids to the playground and have a quick catch up with mum friends there. I found it hard to get out in the evenings even before Covid. I still have found it very restrictive.
However, I feel quite sorry for young people, it's being going on for months now. I'd never have had the maturity to act sensible at that age. I think the brain only starts to mature fully at 21, 22. I think there's a big difference between a small group of four friends meeting and a big rave. So it depends what they're doing. I hope the fact that it's a lockdown will deter people from spreading.

HeddaGarbled · 04/11/2020 20:59

If all these students are so proficient at making plausible ID cards, they’re wasting their times on degrees: they could be making a fortune turning out fraudulent IDs. Come on now, OP, this is clearly nonsense.

Souldyurr · 04/11/2020 21:00

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Original poster
Capamile · 04/11/2020 21:00

@Isolatedizzy

I lost one of my oldest, closest friends to Covid very early on, he was 57 fit, no underlying health conditions. I also lost a work colleague and 2 elderly relatives plus 2 friends of friends.

It's easy for people to be dismissive of it, quote the stats about how few people die etc etc until one of those 'very few people' is someone close to them.

I am very sorry for your loss OP! Thanks

Do your work colleagues know about your cousin?

Sorry for your losses. Yes, they know about my cousin passing away and my brother in law being admitted to hospital with covid 19 x
OP posts: