Is this year the worst year of your life?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

It's a shit year, I think virtually everyone would agree. But is it the worst you have lived through?

I'm bored, frustrated, and because I am chronically ill and depend heavily on access to specialist doctors for time-sensitive treatments, have a constant level of background anxiety in case SHTF and my doctors are forced to cancel. However, for me it's not the worst period of my life to date.

What about you? I'm interested in different perspectives on this, as we all are coming to the situation from very different places.

I mean the year that happened was my worst year. Not this one.

Absolutely not , 2016 did that for me

The love of my life died in July. Grieving for her is one of the most difficult experiences I have lived through

Yes and no. I lost my DSIS this year, which was devastating and one of the hardest things I've ever faced.

But lockdown and everything else hasn't actually been so bad. In some ways, a lot of things have worked out that I am in a better place and a lot happier with some parts of my life.

A young relative died of coronavirus complications and a few weeks later another close relative in her 40’s died so yeah it’s been shite

Not by a long way. Had some really shit years. This is one of the better ones.

No, its been a mix of good and bad for us.

Bad
Partner lost his job.
I was furloughed (furlough pay barely covered my mortgage).
Partners parents stopped having contact with him (not his fault).
Rugby stopped.

Good
Partner got a new job, yay.
Partner completed his professional qualifications.
Partner had successful surgery which means he can now hold smallish things.
Moved in together.
Got a puppy (planned, not a lockdown thing).
Booked our wedding (hopefully it can go ahead).
Had a lovely little holiday in the forest of dean to have some daddy and son time.

I’ve had some awful years, we’re very lucky that this year has been generally positive for both of us.

@Greenbks I'm so, so sorry. When something like this happens whatever else is going on around us, no matter how seismic it might seem in the scheme of things, seems small and unimportant. A loss like this is so huge it dwarfs everything else. Sincere condolences from a very sympathetic stranger.

I've lost no one this year, but I have no parents to worry about because they've both been dead for a long time at far too young an age. My brother is chronically sick but all I can do is be there for him. I faced 10 years of infertility and lost five babies, two to late miscarriage but not stillbirth, which is a devastation I can't comprehend. There were also traumas with abuse etc., far before this spate of bereavements started.

I've faced far worse than 2020 in my time. But for me the loss of my precious swimming feels like a push closer to the last straw. It might seem a small thing to others but makes an immeasurable difference to my mental and physical wellbeing. This is even more the case in November, my most detested month on the calendar, when the days are shortening fast, are damp and dark, and the solstice still seems miles away.

Small stuff, but to me it's big. But me, DC and DH have our health, and I know from my parents' early deaths and the illnesses leading up to them that without that, you have nothing.

I suppose I should be more grateful.

No it is not the worst year for me. That was three years ago. And I am sure others will think the same.

There is more trauma in our own lives that no one knows or cares about than the general restrictions that affect everyone.

The year my father died wasn't my worst year, not by miles. He was in his 80s so it didn't come as a huge shock. This year has eclipsed that year by miles in terms of stress and worry. Is it bad to say this?

No. One of my best.

(but that's because I've had some terrible years)

Last year was horrific and traumatic.

Himalayansalt

Not bad to say that at all.
My dad died in his 50s- we were very close and I was in my 20s. I thought it was a tough year at the time but went on to have many much much tougher years in my life.

Yes easily my worst year and I had a complete mental breakdown several years ago.

Had a lot of meangingful family things cancelled, and one in particular which can never be rearranged. Suffered from a 2nd horrendous HG pregnancy (was pregnant before lockdown) and really struggled with horrific maternity care, having a toddler at home during lockdown whilst bedbound was so so hard, and in the summer DH was made redundant and despite several interviews still hasnt got another job, savings will run out next year and then we are properly fucked.

All of this means I feel so unprepared for bringing another child into the world. I havent been able to have my therapy since March and feel completley traumatised to be honest

@Greenbks and @SausageCrush

I am so sorry. I cried just reading your posts. Nothing I can do I know but I'm so sorry.

No, I have had worse.

No, that would be 2009 when I wanted to kill myself

Everything since then has been an improvement!

Teen years of child sexual exploitation were by far worse than this year for me.
I’m safe and free and loved and privileged enough to not be affected by money worries right now. I think myself fortunate.

So sorry for all those struggling.

Sending love and best wishes to all those people who are going through such dreadful, fearful times.
For me, there have been far worse years of heartbreaking grief that I still live with every day. In a year's time I hope to God that the hardest bits of this year will just be a memory.

Its certainly been one of my worst years. Not specifically because of Covid-19 though that's been a contributing factor. To cut a very long story short I've been seriously ill for quite a while and Covid has interfered with me getting the treatment I need. That in turn has led to me losing my job. It has been hideously stressful and been made worse by the fact that all the meetings have been over the phone. I don't even know what my union rep or the HR person that I have been dealing with look like. Plus my DH's and adult DD's jobs are both hanging in the balance too, and my elder DS is in year 13 and really struggling with everything. Compared to some people's years that's nothing though I know.

Nope
2019 was and the years my dad and BF died were pretty hairy
This isn’t so bad

MrsAvocet
Please don’t minimise your awful year . That’s shed load of stress
Wishing you all an easier few months
Look after yourself

I can’t lie my sertraline has really helped me
Cope

I think this year means that because everyone is stressed and sad and upset and angry and lost, it’s harder for people to move on from bad events. In normal times although you would still feel all those things life would pull at you and other people would be happy and living life so you would get pulled back up and encouraged to find some joy and keep living. Now everyone is depressed and worried so when something terrible happens you can’t help but stay in that dark place with no light at the ends of the tunnel.

Thanks Thisisworsethananticipated. I feel bad about feeling bad when other people have lost loved ones etc but it has been quite a horrible experience. Its as much the way its been handled as what's actually happened. Given I worked for the NHS I did think they might be a bit more understanding about why my treatment has been delayed but it was not to be. I'll survive though.

It has been I think but that’s more a reflection of how good life has generally been to me than how bad this year has been. It’s seemed really shitty by comparison to prior 4 years when we had our second daughter, bought a lovely house at the seaside, I was promoted at work & had £10k of pay rises, OH found an awesome job that’s really flexible and pays him same as his old one for less hours, both kids got settled into their lovely school, we’ve had loads of great holidays, parties & family get togethers and extended family & friends have been happy & well. By comparison this past year we’ve lost my MIL & uncle (not due to covid), we’ve been stressed out juggling two demanding jobs and homeschooling/entertaining two young children and feeling like we are doing a shit job of both, OH has become depressed (he has been previously but had been well for a long time and we genuinely felt hopeful it wasn’t coming back) & like many we are massively missing friends, family and normal life. I fully accept it’s all very first world problems & that on the whole we have been very fortunate. I have moments where I’m a bit sad because I want my life back but on the whole I’m trying to focus on the positives and enjoy the additional time with my husband and children.