Which child to have in my childcare "bubble"?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

I look after 2 different friends' kids on different days as a favour, since beginning of the term (and yes this was ok, I checked it out and we have been in Tier 1 all along). From Thursday I can only look after one as part of a childcare "bubble".

First child I pick up from school on Monday's, same school as my DC, and her mum arrives at 5.30pm and treats us to a takeaway and wine. Friend is a single mum, her own mum was picking her DD up until COVID and she's shielding so won't do childcare.

Second child I pick up from her pre school when I leave work on a Tuesday lunchtime and have her until 3.30, when I drop her off at her house before collecting my own kids from school. The pre school only can do 15 hours for her , and won't let her have another 3 hours, which is why I help out. My friend is married but her husband has a high demand job currently WFH

Both friends are key workers.

Both children as easy and lovely to look after.

Friend 1 - her work have said that she can WFH after school hours, meaning she'd be WFH until 6.30pm which she isn't keen on doing 5 days a week. She wants to put her DD in breakfast club on Mondays and me to continue to do pick up, so that she can do long days Mondays so that she can finish properly at 3.30pm on Tuesday and Wednesdays

Friend 2 has asked the school if she they can take her DD for the extra hours in light of lockdown - the answer is no, they are at full capacity. So she's also asked me to be part of a childcare bubble. Her DH will carry on WFH but doesn't want to have to watch her on Tuesday afternoons because it will be hard for him, he's constantly on Zoom calls.

Who would you pick? I feel awful that I can only pick 1! I'm inclined to help my single friend - her exH can't help as he lives at the other side of the country, but my married friend's DH technically can do the childcare, he just doesn't want to. Then again? My single friend has been offered a solution from her work whereas my married friend's work and school haven't.

@Hardbackwriter

I would also pick friend 1 but I do think the husband of friend 2 is getting an unfairly hard time. It really isn't easy to WFH while caring for a child of preschool age, and in some jobs it just isn't possible. He's likely to have to adjust his working hours instead of trying to do both at once - which is, of course, exactly the option that friend 1 has but doesn't want to take...

I agree the DH might have a job that's really hard to juggle with a pre-schooler - but he's also got a wife with an employer too, so between them they ought to be able to come up with a better solution. It will no doubt be inconvenient to both him and his wife, and involve annoying compromises and talking to both employers.

The reason he should have to adjust his working hours and not the single mum, is that when he's not working, he's also not solo parenting. He will get some time off from that because he's in a relationship. It is definitely more unfair on the single parent, who gets no downtime at all in her case.

Plus, for the DH, it's 4 days - they're only stuck on a Tuesday, and only for a few hours in fact.

For the single mum it will be a long 4 weeks with no respite.

I agree that I would pick friend 1, for all the reasons you've given - I just think that the DH isn't necessarily being a total dick or a lazy father to say he can't do childcare while working from home. Though for what it's worth I actually think both him and his wife were being unreasonable in the first place to not actually have the amount of childcare they needed in place without having a friend do it for them as a favour every single week - it's not a favour that I would feel comfortable asking for and I think it's really cheeky. We also have a toddler and we pay for the childcare we need! That said, OP doesn't seem to have any problem with the arrangement so that might be my issue not hers.

@Hardbackwriter

I would also pick friend 1 but I do think the husband of friend 2 is getting an unfairly hard time. It really isn't easy to WFH while caring for a child of preschool age, and in some jobs it just isn't possible. He's likely to have to adjust his working hours instead of trying to do both at once - which is, of course, exactly the option that friend 1 has but doesn't want to take...

No it really isn't. But every single woman I know has done it. Weird that.

I would say friend 1 as well. But you sound a lovely friend to both.

@NoSquirrels

Look at it this way if it helps, OP.

Do you want to help a friend or a friend’s husband?

Exactly

Friend 1 100% for her it wouldn’t be just childcare but contact with another adult.

Friend 2’s situation may not be ideal but it could be dealt with if her DH takes on his responsibility.

I would choose friend 1. As for the DH of friend 2 he doesn't want to look after his own child for a few hours one day a week as it will be difficult. Well diddums, welcome to the world of parenting and having to juggle work and childcare.

Friend 1. Friend 2's husband can either suck it up or pay for a babysitter. Agree with poster above that Friend 1 needs to protect her income more as her kids rely on her alone.

Friend #1

#friend1

I am so sick of hearing about fathers working from home who “cannot” help with childcare and lock themselves in the spare room all day working while mums juggle away stressed out to the eyeballs!

friend 1 !! 100%

Definitely friend one, the husband needs to suck it up like the rest of us.

The husband of friend two can look after his own child like the rest of us, I can't believe they have asked for your help in the first place. WTF do they think the rest of the country has been doing!

I do think that there will be a lot less understanding from employers about people WFH with children in this lockdown because childcare and schools are still open, unlike last time.

My mother in law is going to continue to look after ours as well as her other grandchildren -
She is very much about following the rules but she is “officially bubbled” with the other family so she thinks it’s fine to be “childcare bubbled” with us. She obviously understands the risks but isn’t prepared to not see her grandchildren.

At the same time agree that the father has to suck it up and help too though

@Hardbackwriter

I do think that there will be a lot less understanding from employers about people WFH with children in this lockdown because childcare and schools are still open, unlike last time.

Not my experience so far (even pre lockdown). So many people have children who have been sent home to isolate.

Friend one