Which child to have in my childcare "bubble"?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

I look after 2 different friends' kids on different days as a favour, since beginning of the term (and yes this was ok, I checked it out and we have been in Tier 1 all along). From Thursday I can only look after one as part of a childcare "bubble".

First child I pick up from school on Monday's, same school as my DC, and her mum arrives at 5.30pm and treats us to a takeaway and wine. Friend is a single mum, her own mum was picking her DD up until COVID and she's shielding so won't do childcare.

Second child I pick up from her pre school when I leave work on a Tuesday lunchtime and have her until 3.30, when I drop her off at her house before collecting my own kids from school. The pre school only can do 15 hours for her , and won't let her have another 3 hours, which is why I help out. My friend is married but her husband has a high demand job currently WFH

Both friends are key workers.

Both children as easy and lovely to look after.

Friend 1 - her work have said that she can WFH after school hours, meaning she'd be WFH until 6.30pm which she isn't keen on doing 5 days a week. She wants to put her DD in breakfast club on Mondays and me to continue to do pick up, so that she can do long days Mondays so that she can finish properly at 3.30pm on Tuesday and Wednesdays

Friend 2 has asked the school if she they can take her DD for the extra hours in light of lockdown - the answer is no, they are at full capacity. So she's also asked me to be part of a childcare bubble. Her DH will carry on WFH but doesn't want to have to watch her on Tuesday afternoons because it will be hard for him, he's constantly on Zoom calls.

Who would you pick? I feel awful that I can only pick 1! I'm inclined to help my single friend - her exH can't help as he lives at the other side of the country, but my married friend's DH technically can do the childcare, he just doesn't want to. Then again? My single friend has been offered a solution from her work whereas my married friend's work and school haven't.

Friend 1. Friend 2’s husband will have to step up, as countless others have.

Absolutely friend 1! Friend 2’s husband needs to pull his finger out IMO

@NoSquirrels

Look at it this way if it helps, OP.

Do you want to help a friend or a friend’s husband?

This captures it perfectly.

I know a grandparent who provides childcare for 3 different sets of grandchildren (1 day a week each). They will be continuing to do so as far as I'm aware.

I’d help friend 1.
Friend 2’s DH has been taking the piss for long enough. Let him step up or find another solution himself.

Friend 1, she needs the support and needs to protect her single income.

Friend 1 needs the help more but tbh neither are really stuck if df1 is also going to be home.

Another vote for friend 1 without a doubt!

Friend 2 has a solution, it’s just the husband doesn’t want to do it. There are two parents in that household and he needs to step up! We’ve all been WFH with toddlers around, I’m sure he can suck it up for a few hours a week!

Single friend if you have to choose. But if you can support bubble with her and childcare bubble with the other I would do that.

I should say though that it might just not be possible for your friend’s husband to do child care whilst WFH. Some roles just don’t allow it. I have to confirm that I am in a private place before every MT meeting and that no-one can overhear me. I would absolutely not be allowed to combine my work with childcare.

I agree with pp who say friend 1.
She is in more need of your help and company.
With friend 2, you'd be helping out so that her husband doesn't have to step up while you would be leaving friend 1 without any help or your company.

I would help friend 1.
Dad of friend of 2 needs to step up.

Another vote for Friend 1.

Friend 2's DH will have to do what everyone else will need to do. If he doesn't like it, tough.

Friend 1 if course!
Friend 2 has a DH who could do it but just doesn’t want to.

Friend 1

@NoSquirrels

Look at it this way if it helps, OP.

Do you want to help a friend or a friend’s husband?

Well put.

The child's father is being asked to step up just one afternoon a week. He's physically THERE. Or maybe he can be responsible for making alternate childcare arrangements, not just abdicate all responsibility for their child to the mother?

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood
Both DH and I have roles where we are not supposed to be overheard wfh. Guess what, we block out time on a rota basis for the extra hours we need to cover . Not ideal but everyone gets it right now.

friend one

How old is friend 1's kid? Is it actually feasible for her to WFH with them there?

If both children are the same age then absolutely help friend 1 - I don't see why it's fine for Friend 1 to WFH with the kid there but not Friend 2's DH.

If Friend 2's kid is 4 and Friend 1's is 10 then I think I'd feel a bit more sympathy for Friend 2's DH.

Friend 1 definitely.
Friend 2 has a solution - her husband will just have to watch child and work at the same time, like many people will have to do.

Friend 1, I would also be telling friend 2 that as her husband is at home I wouldn't be resuming the childcare after lockdown (unless there's a really good reason such as they used to do the same for you/ take you out for lovely dinners/pet dog when your away or something else)
Parents all over with high pressure jobs have had to take on childcare with WFH because other arrangements have failed. It's normal now, for months We didn't get thru a meeting without someones kid appearing

Definitely friend 1. Single mum, course she doesn't want to work late every night, be nice to spend time with child and have some time to sort other things/relax. Husband of friend 2 should realise he needs to be flexible to childcare issues, caused by co-vid.

Plus, you enjoy some and takeaways with friend 1!

I can book days off (unpaid), but can’t block out time within a day unfortunately. I’m a Court based barrister, currently mostly WFH via MT and am entirely in the hands of the judge when we start and finish. I know that is not typical. I was just highlighting that some people working from home truly cannot combine it with childcare. And it might be, but is not necessarily, about a husband or partner not stepping up.

@ArosGartref

Single adult by bubble with friend 1.

Childcare bubble with friend 2.

I don't think the spirit of the law is that anyone is left without childcare. Although your friend clearly needs to sort out her husband irrespective of any lockdown rules.

This.

As friends 2 isn’t single can she even have a bubble.

Definitely Friend 1. Other parents WFH have had to adapt. Friend 2's DH will have to.