...most EOW arrangements aren’t by mutual agreement...

[untiednations]

...they’re the bare minimum that absent fathers can get away with?

Dickhead at work claiming it’s “very common” that women only let men have their children once a fortnight and that it’s not true that men (in general) try to shirk their responsibilities.

Personally I would hate my ex to see DD more than every other weekend. Hes been in and out of her life, treated her like crap and now he has a gf with kids he wants to be all happy families every other Saturday. She goes out of duty and feeling bad for him and comes back grumpy because shes missed out on seeing friends and hes annoyed her. Eow is more than enough for us. Totally agree about useless lazy waste of space Fathers though, I'm sure it's often their choice

Ugh my BIL starting trying that crap recently about women keeping the DC from their "loving amazing fathers" I suggested he spend an afternoon perusing mumsnet!

I don't know any men that have chosen to have their children more than EOW. But I don't necessarily think 50/50 is always the best thing anyway.

I wish my kids dad would have them more. It’s actually HIM who said he only wants them every other weekend, for the DAY no over nights, so twice a month!! I do think there is some truth to what your colleague said, I made a post about it, a lot of women seem to not like their exes seeing their children much from what I’ve seen on a lot of parenting sites. I’m the opposite and wish ex would take my responsibility but can’t force him to!

I think when 50/ 50 is either unsuitable (distance plus school hours) or not sought then eow becomes inevitable because 1. Weekends suit a lot of employed people and 2. It's not fair on the home parent to not have any weekends.

But yeah. Non resident parents that I know of don't give a fuck and cancel frequently etc. But then I guess if they were decent humans they'd still be with the other parent in an on going relationshi

And they can and do get away with less. A friend would visit her dad for one week a year. Ridiculous.

Absolutely. Ex fucked off with OW, moved a distance away and never at any point asked me if I minded doing everything 26/30 days. He only ever has them on weekends or holidays so no school runs, homework deadlines, costumes, admin, appointments, real parenting basically. Entirely, 100% his choice. But I gather that he has spun it to his new colleagues that he's poor, hard done by, would love to have them more. Tit.

...they’re the bare minimum that absent fathers can get away with?

No, sadly the absent parent (not always the father) can get away with never seeing their child again if that’s what they want.

Many parents don’t want to share their child/ren or else they want to control the situation. It’s often a length, expensive and emotionally draining court process when things can’t be amicably agreed.

My ex loves the loving dad denied access by ex his rhetoric. Truth is he couldn't comit 2 hours a week for 26 weeks to pass a course to be allowed access.

Honestly I don't know why people don't question men like that. If I had someone at work spouting off that he can't see his kids more because of his ex, I'd be asking him why he hasn't gone to court over it and probably watch him splutter some nonsense about it. But least it would show everyone he's talking bollocks.

Too many women try and control the fathers too much and withhold over spiteful and petty reasons. Just this past week we had a post where mom was offended because girlfriend had pics on Social Media and so much advice was to withhold contact. Sometimes its the dad but there are plenty of times where it's mom

@CakeRequired My exes new girlfriend accompanied him in family court. Watched him admitted 46 acts of DV. Accompanied him in criminal court where he was guilty of 2 acts of DV. I'm still the crazy jealous ex upset because he cheated. Some people have blinkers.

@Mumofsend

Yeah sadly some people are thick. They can't be helped.

I think it can be both tbh. I know mums who "won't let" their exes see their dc. Some of those exes have taken the mums to court, although most haven't and play the victim.

I also know of NRPs (male and female), including my ex, who will use any excuse under the sun not to see their dc. My exes current excuse is that he's not allowed because of Covid. Except he is and always has been .

My ex has never looked for more. Granted he cannot take them midweek because of his working hours but I would have no problem with him taking them every weekend or any other time he wants but he doesn’t. In fact he isn’t even taking them at the moment because he is ‘not able for them’ which translates as he doesn’t want me to have free time at all!
I don’t know how he lives with himself

My DH would dearly love to have his DCs more than EOW. His ex moved to the other side of the country, and refuses to travel with the DCs for any handover, so he does all of the travel for all of his visits. It costs him a fortune in accommodation and travel, and he's permanently knackered from all of the travelling.

Not all NRPs are trying to shirk their responsibilities. My DH had his children ripped away from him and had no say in the matter. She makes it as difficult as possible.

Eow is a pretty standard award from courts I think and it's somewhat become a "norm"

It's not enough imo.

It can be that dad is shit and doesn't want more, can be due to work, can be due to mum being selfish, or her work or a number of other things. It's not always that men can't be arsed.

I also think it's kind of universally expected in society that mum has the majority of the time.

My ex is 'fighting to see his kids' in court despite being allowed to see them but just never asking to make arrangements. Yet I can guarantee he's spouting this sort of crap to anyone who will listen

You here all stories, those trying to sherk responsabilities, those wanting more access, those that have probs because someone has moved. I don,t think we can paint everyone with the same brush.

Just to reassure anyone going through this, I saw my df one weekend a month throughout my childhood. Still have a good relationship with him yet also appreciate that my dm did all the heavy lifting. Love them both but know full well my dm did more in terms of bringing us up.

My exH doesn't want a minute more with them. Part of the reason we split is because he found family life suffocating and beneath him so it really was no surprise.

BUT - I prefer it that way. I don't want 50/50. If would just give him opportunities to poison their minds with his right wing racist homophobic claptrap he seems to have subscribed to in the last few years. It also meant I could move back to my hometown with little objection, if he saw them more often i would have had to stay put

My ex took me to court when we fell out, even though he had as much access as he wanted. Judge handed him 6 days every fortnight & he gave half of them back to me because it was “excessive” 🙄 mind you my DS did not like going so it would hell for him

Oh and of course he played the whole alienated father on social media

And 1 visit a month was the norm when I was growing up. I wouldn't have liked 50/50, I liked having one home and another I just visited.

I think this behaviour isn’t often questioned because they (men) have pulled such a blinder convincing society it’s ‘normal’ and that it’s down to ‘psycho women’ preventing men from seeing their kids.

My friend has started seeing someone who only sees his daughter (lives in the same town) once a week for 4 hours because “he doesn’t have time”. My sister can’t see that this makes him a dickhead.