...most EOW arrangements aren’t by mutual agreement...

[untiednations]

...they’re the bare minimum that absent fathers can get away with?

Dickhead at work claiming it’s “very common” that women only let men have their children once a fortnight and that it’s not true that men (in general) try to shirk their responsibilities.

I have met several men who complain that ‘ex is difficult’ but the reality is they are loaded with excuses as to why they aren’t going to fight it.

One at the moment has his DD3 every other Sunday (no sleepover). Wants more... but on the other hand will try to swap the Sunday’s short notice for his hobby. Won’t apply to court. Absolutely can’t do weekdays before of work. Doesn’t think home is suitable for DD to stay (self contained flat) - but yes, the ex is the difficult one. He doesn’t even see his older DC from other mum (because again, she’s a difficult ex).

In fairness I see plenty of posts where mothers refuse for dads to see young children and are regularly advised on here to breastfeed practically till the child starts school so they have a reason to limit access (and then wonder why the father doesn't build up a bond and doesn't then want regular access when it suddenly becomes convenient to the mother to allow it)

Also plenty of posts where the mother has forced the father out of the home - also regularly supported on here - rather than selling and dividing assets equally so both have a home the kids can stay in comfortably- so the father is in unsuitable accommodation/difficult/awkward to have kids stay. Again destroying bonds and then the father moves on and all of a sudden he's the arsehole

I'm a woman and a mother and even I can see we often want our cake and eat it on MN. We don't want to share our children but want the father to have more time with them (see all the xmas threads at the moment!). We want CMS but then complain if a father goes for 50% custody because he's clearly only using it to reduce his maintenance payments. Not to mention all the threads on the pregnancy boards about women having children to men who have clearly expressed no desire to be a father but are told its "our body our choice" thereby taking away any choice for the father?

Seems to me that whilst there is a large group of feckless fathers out there many can't do right for doing wrong. MN is the first the point out a man is being "coercive" "emotionally abusive" and "controlling" but women can be just as manipulative

@ivfbeenbusy

You are right, there are definitely women out there who use the child as a weapon. It's just a lot of people on here refuse to believe that a woman could be a bitch.

I do know of men that are complete wasters (one with 4 children who thought he became father of the year for willingly taking his eldest daughter in for a while as her mother was struggling) and men that are actually good parents (two men who are the main parent and have full custody as the mother couldn't give a shit).

There's always both sides, but I'd still be questioning anyone who was harping on about their ex refusing access and ask what they've done to stop it.