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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Perfumed baby [shock]

81 replies

PieMama2007 · 15/10/2007 16:13

DD (9 mo) has just started nursery and comes home reeking of perfume from one of the carers. I hate it and have to bathe her as soon as she gets home. I've never worn perfume since she was born, because I don't think it's right to bombard her senses with artificial scent. Should I say something?

OP posts:

thetryingistrying · 15/10/2007 16:15

this is the joy of nursery. i used to hate this but tbh it is a good sign as it shows she is being picked up and cuddled. if you are happy with the nursery otherwise i recommend keeping quiet.

moopymoo · 15/10/2007 16:16

I still hate that my huge ds1 (now 10) comes home smelling of 'school' think it is something that you have to accept, that being out in the world means that you cannot control their environment so completely. so i dont think you are being unreasonable, but i think it is something that you can do nothing about.

peskipixie · 15/10/2007 16:19

you could always say (in a very nonconfrontational way) she is getting a rash and you can only think it is the perfume if it bothers you this much. i totally understand i hate it when my children small of other women

Original poster

PieMama2007 · 15/10/2007 16:19

I know, and the staff are lovely and she is really attached to them, so I am happy otherwise. Feel like a right moaning minnie but I hate it when she smells so alien to me!

OP posts:

Carmenere · 15/10/2007 16:21

Oh yes, when dd was a gorgeous newborn dss(15 at the time) used to cuddle her constantly and his manly aroma of Lynx used to infect her

teasle · 15/10/2007 16:21

You are, a bit, yes. Although I do know what you mean.
The trying has a good point- she is obviously getting cuddled.
Some women do (shock) wear perfume!

Original poster

PieMama2007 · 15/10/2007 16:21

Peskipixie - YES! That's exactly it, although it had never occurred to me -it's the fact that she smells of some other person, and they have left their mark on her.

OP posts:

Blandmum · 15/10/2007 16:23

I can understand that this is probably a very basic human response, but I think that you would be being OTT if you asked the woman to change her perfume habits!

iwouldgoouttonight · 15/10/2007 16:23

I'd probably agree with the others - its something you might just have to accept. The carer at nursery may not even have very much perfume on - I remember when a friend of mine came round - I couldn't smell any perfume on her at all, but she held DS for about five minutes and I could smell her perfume on him for the rest of the day! Its probably because we love the smell of our babies so much so its really noticeable if they smell like someone else.

If it really bothers you could you say she (or you) is allergic or something? My DP is - if I wear perfume he sneezes for hours!

Original poster

PieMama2007 · 15/10/2007 16:25

Yes, people have every right to wear perfume, but surely it's not necessary in this case, and not appropriate if they can't keep it to themselves? The babies don't choose to wear it.

OP posts:

Blandmum · 15/10/2007 16:29

The perfume isn't harming the babies.

I can understand that you may not like your dc to smell of another woman, but I don't think that you have any right to dictate what another woman chooses to smell of.

rebelmum1 · 15/10/2007 16:43

Yeah I think you need to worry more about the baby shampoo etc

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 15/10/2007 16:53

I think that yabu if you ask them to stop wearing perfume, but I can understand why you don't like it.

My 6yo comes back from the childminders smelling not of her perfume but of her house - a bit wet dog to be honest. But this is the price I pay for not staying at home. Even if your dd didn't smell of their perfume she would still probably smell different from been i na different environment all day.

pointydog · 15/10/2007 17:05

yes, yabu.

As you have to leave your child in the care of others I think there has to be a little give and take. Be rational - it doesn't matter.

crayon · 15/10/2007 19:12

I suspect, if you are anything like me, that your complaint goes deeper than her being bombarded with artificial scent.

I hate my children smelling of anyone else. It's a really primitive feeling that I can't explain and didn't expect - quite animalistic. I guess we are programmed to respond like this.

snotbuster · 15/10/2007 22:30

Agree with crayon. I had my appendix out when my son was 9 mo. My mum was a trooper - looking after him whilst I was in hospital and helping a lot when I came home, but I was really upset when he started smelling of her, felt really displaced.

Moomin · 15/10/2007 22:35

When we first had dd1, some French friends of ours sent us some cologne for the BABY!! It was a proper brand and designed for infants !!

bookwormmum · 15/10/2007 22:35

It's understandable you feel displaced. I'm sure your dd loves her bath with you much more than this other person's perfume.

I left some of my dd's clothes at my sisters house once and even though she'd washed them before she posted them back to me, I had to re-wash them immediately - I hated the smell of them. They weren't 'me'.

controlfreaky2 · 15/10/2007 22:36

my dss used to come back from seeing mil STINKING of her (horrid) scent. i couldnt bear it tbh (however unreasonable that may sound).... it got to me on a v primitive level (and no i didnt like her so that may well have been part of it).
personally think itf i ran a nursery would expect staff not to wear strong smelling scent to work.

Deludinoid · 15/10/2007 22:41

I can understand the primal response but agree with the others that it is unreasonable for you to ask her to stop wearing perfume and possibly more harmful to your baby as she might be more reticent about cuddling her in case she picked up any smell and had you complaining again.

I remember my ex MIL used to put body cream on my toddler son (fortunately he wasn't allergic to it) after a bath. On the one hand it was weird, on the other it was lovely to know that he had been nurtured and loved so much.

You might not think her perfume it's necessary or appropriate but neither is you complaining about it, sorry.

pointydog · 15/10/2007 23:09

Primitive response should be overruled by rational human intelligence. You give your child to others to look after therefore child will smell of others.

hana · 15/10/2007 23:14

if dd is 'reeking' of perfume then I think the carer is wearing too much, and I wouldn't be happy either. My kids will smell a bit ( not in a bad way) when I pick them up from the childminder but I woudl expect that, I wouldn't expect a reeky perfume. She is probably wearing too much perfume and I don't know how you would handle that....but yuck

brandnewpumpkin · 15/10/2007 23:23

Once I'd stopped bf, I started wearing perfume again - and at the same time, my dds both started in nursery (4 years apart). The nursery nurses used to comment that both dds smelt of my perfume, which is the opposite to your situation - dd1 was called "the Chanel baby"! So, if you start wearing perfume on the grounds that your baby either smells of you or the nursery nurses, would that make it better?
Dd2 still comes back smelling of nursery, and I don't like it either but as others have said, it's the price you pay.

brandnewpumpkin · 15/10/2007 23:24

And I don't wear too much perfume!

hana · 15/10/2007 23:24

don't forget some people are sensitive to scents as well, I hate walking by someone and getting a whiff of their perfume. I think perfume should be subtle

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