My ExH is a dick, I need an alibi

[TravellingSpoon]

so that when I go over and smother him the police wont think its me.

Its his birthday today, DD chose a nice jumper for him, gave it to him on Monday when she saw him and he opened it today as he is spending today with his GF.

DD got a message this evening which simply read 'thanks for the jumper, do you have a receipt?'.

DD is crushed and he is such an arse. He has a history of wanky behaviour since our split just over a year ago, and they have only just started spending time together again as he didn't see them from Christmas to the beginning of August.

TWATWAFFLE.

You're on my sofa op, crack another bottle open while we watch another episode of Dexter plan both our exes demise

Oh I would take him to pieces, what a horror!!

I might need a patio expansion... Tbf the classic ‘no’ is a complete sentence sounds good, take it back anyway and go for a girls lunch with the actual refund. Don’t get mad, get even!

Your poor DD.

You are house sitting in Newmarket

You were with me, in the library without the spanner

Can I join? Have an ex id love to bury to

The ungrateful twat.

what a shame for your dc

bet they won't make so much effort in future

Playing devil's advocate, any chance it's the wrong size?

How old is dd?

Your in the Midlands helping me with a patio

I have ordered a takeaway for the 2 of us

What a fucking twat. Hope the receipt gives him a brutal paper cut

You were in your local supermarket, captured by CCTV doing a monthly shop. You were wearing a facemask.

Send him back the reciept soaked in hydrofluoric acid.

I was with you in Midsomer pushing a gargoyle off of a roof on someone’s head when your ex was killed by that wheel of cheese.

You were with me that night.

Offer sweetly to exchange it for him. "Ooo sorry, did we get the wrong size? Is it too small? "

Then spend the refund how you see fit.

You kill mine and I’ll kill yours!

@Peace43

You kill mine and I’ll kill yours!

Strangers on a train?

Aye, you were with me, we were busy carving pumpkins / having cocktails / playing badminton.

In a complete non sequitur, I really do need a new patio.

@Peace43

You kill mine and I’ll kill yours!

I was about to offer the same, perhaps a 3 way split? Less chance of being caught.

Wow that's awful. I'd give you an alibi for that 💯

Well, obviously you were here, do they think these 🎃 carved themselves??

Wanker.

Thank you for all the offers.

DD is 11 and very sensitive. Even if it didnt fit, he could have just text me, or taken it back to the shop I got it from to exchange it.

For Christmas he will be getting sweet FA, he can whistle if he thinks I am spending another penny on his ungrateful arse.

You were here in my cottage in the west coast of Scotland, watching the full moon and drinking single malt whisky. We watched lots of Netflix too.

He's the ideal recipient of the dreaded Baylis and Harding toiletry set.