Daughter seems to be putting us off?

[babayjane67]

Hi all
I have 3 dds,2 adults who are both married&1 who's 12& obviously still at home.
My eldest DD has 2 kids of her own,a girl &boy.the girl is 21 months older than my youngest so are more like sisters.weve always done alot together &always included her in everything we do,days out,parties,sleepovers,holidays.theyve really missed the sleepovers this yr.
Anyway we always try&get together every school hol at some point.we either go out somewhere or we go to them or they come to us.
I've been trying all week to organise something&she seems to keep putting me off.we last saw them almost 3 wks ago when it was her birthday.
There's 4 of them&3 of us so my partner just drops us off as otherwise it'd be more than the allowed 6.
She's doing a Halloween party as it's my grandsons fave time of year.so she's decorating it all&they're doing the pumpkins today.shes put me off again today for this reason.so I said ok what about tomorrow? I'm having flu Jab&then we've got the party she said.
Couldn't go Mon as she was busy,Tues was their homework day which is fair enough.Wed they were busy,yest my gd was grounded for bad behaviour&today& tomorrow as I said before.
So only leaves Sun! No invite for my youngest,her little sister,to their party tomorrow.
If it was the other way around they'd have been invited without even thinking about it!
Aibu to think surely she can spare one day out the week for us? Even if it was just an invite to the party.my youngest is upset she hasn't seen them yet&doesn't know why she hasn't been invited to the party.
I understand that we are very lucky we saw them all 3 wks ago&that alot of people haven't seen their families for months which is awful but it's strange that she seems to be putting us off this time.
They only live 15 minutes away.
I could say something to her but then I don't want to start another argument&cause bad feeling.

You did the right thing op. It could simply be something simple or something going on privately. Maybe she is just so tired. Let her come to you. Keep things friendly and light.

Don't take this the wrong way, though you may well do..
I think you have overstepped boundaries with your older daughter and her family. You refer to your daughters as 'the girls' 'like sisters' well they aren't sisters and just from the tone of your posting I can see she did feel you disregarded her son, as he was younger and wouldn't 'fit in' whilst prioritising the 'the girls'. You may have children the same age but she has a right to her 'own' family unit. If they want to see other people or the other set of grandparents wrt covid, I think you need to accept that. I'm sure everything will work itself out but stop suffocating her.

This is exactly how I'm reading it too. I'm glad you sent that text, OP. It seems all is good and no drama. Unless you make it into one, so please try to avoid that from now on and you'll be a lot less stressed. It has been only 3 weeks! I thought you were going to say 3 MONTHS!

I hope the rest of your family have learnt where the space bar is for paragraphs, as I was imagining a conversation along the lines of one of the characters in Little Britain. Or in a James Joyce novel.

I think there has been some resolution which is good.

Sorry but why dont you just ask her - afraid Mumsnet doesnt know but your daughter does.

@babayjane67

Thanks Patricia she replied defo so all good.

Ok, then this sounds like ti could be son in law causing the pause in getting together

If it’s just them, and he won’t allow sleepovers because of his anxiety over Covid, then that’s probably the issue.

Sounds like you have some good plans for the weekend anyway

My MIL is like this, always asking to see us and do things and go places and come round all the time. When we say we're busy one day, it's then 'well I'll come round in the evening then?'

It's exhausting sometimes, other times it's suffocating. I love her to bits but it doesn't mean I want to see her all the time. She never gives us the space to MISS her or suggest things ourselves cos she's always asking.

Could be similar in this situation?

I don't want to start another argument

so perhaps you need to communicate and find out whats happened, listen to the reply and take on board whats said

@CooperLooper

My MIL is like this, always asking to see us and do things and go places and come round all the time. When we say we're busy one day, it's then 'well I'll come round in the evening then?'

It's exhausting sometimes, other times it's suffocating. I love her to bits but it doesn't mean I want to see her all the time. She never gives us the space to MISS her or suggest things ourselves cos she's always asking.

Could be similar in this situation?

My DIL is the same way. For some odd reason she thinks everytime I do something with my children ots a personal insult against her and my son. Thankfully, he is divorcing jer

We are in a lower area but haven't seen grandparents this week as we know one of my DCs has been in contact with covid though over 2m it was for a couple of hours. They don't have to self isolate (PHE via school confirmed this) but we aren't taking any chances.

Maybe she just wants to do her own thing, maybe she’s anxious about covid, maybe you’ve upset her... who knows!

I think people are reassessing their lives atm and perhaps they have decided they want to step back from your meet ups or reduce the contact. It certainly doesn't sound like you have upset her.
I worked with a guy who eventually moved out of the area because they had no peace from the in laws calling round when they wanted their own family time. It's a balancing act.

Why does the fact your other daughter works full time mean she needs a bless her . Many people work full time. Sometimes even when they do have children.

@SunshineCake

Why does the fact your other daughter works full time mean she needs a bless her . Many people work full time. Sometimes even when they do have children.

Haha, I thought that!

Bless her for working full time? Wtf.