To ask DSS to not have hookups at the moment

[BigLatto]

I’m a bit embarrassed to post this or talk about it.

DSS is 23 he lives with me and DH and my DDs 20 and 19

My DD 19 was shielding earlier in the year, whilst healthy she has a genetic condition and she also has Diabetes, this means she would have a severe case of Covid and many have died with her condition.

My DSS is a lovely lad we have had a generally good relationship. However there is a problem recently he is gay and is quite a fan of having going out and often staying the night with various people . We would be fine with this normally as it’s his choice.

But I worry he will bring Covid back home. We live in tier 1 but border two London Boroughs and both have Cases rising rapidly. He is travelling into London often

DSS was fine over lockdown, but he is not very concerned about covid and he has broken the rules a few times. Especially over the summer. However cases were low then.

I’m just very worried sick about Him infecting my daughter, I don’t know how to approach this.

We all work from home including DSS, both DDs stay home and me and DH. We order Ocado. We don’t go out apart from quite country walks.

If we were to get infected it would be him. He doesn’t earn enough to move out due to the housing costs.

It’s not really about him being gay or having hook ups though is it. It is merely that he is going out socialising and therefore that alone increases the risk of bringing it back. Just talk to him about it, but I’m
Not sure you can control him going out tbh.

YANBU at all... he is being incredibly selfish and you have every right to protect your daughter (does she have CF?)

Gay or straight : If he is having hook ups in London he is breaking the law as it’s tier 2 so no socialising indoors: ask him to obey the law or leave within next 2 weeks

Maybe it’s just me but when I was a bit younger all my gay friends were on Grindr many nights bringing home different men very often! I would think that is more common than women being up for random hook ups. Not the same for everyone or indeed many, of course.

Anyway, if DH is of the same opinion then he should raise it with him...but not sure if he will be successful!

and she also has Diabetes, this means she would have a severe case of Covid

Evidence for that?

I can see why you are concerned, and I don't think him showering or washing his clothes will help- the risk is that he kisses (or whatever) an infected person and catches it and brings it into the home.

I do think if you can subsidise him to move out, that might be the best option- but I understand that may not be possible!

He needs to stop shagging randoms while he's living in your house. He is plenty old enough to move out and live his own life.

The gay thing isn't directly relevant, but sexual practices that are more common amoung gay men are particularly high risk, e.g. many partners and rimming.

I don't think it would be entirely unreasonable to ask him to cool things, but it may not be effective and it may damage your relationship.

You could point him to information on how to lower risk like this:
www.avert.org/coronavirus/covid19-sex

the fact that he is gay is completely irrelevant.

If you are worried that he is promiscuous that is relevant. Busy in clubs is worrying but I still don't think you can do much whilst he lives with you and is not being careful ?

Think this one for DH. Boundaries and careful precautions actually matter-especially when you have a vulnerable dd which he needs to acknowledge and respect ...

Evidence for that?

It's been pretty well publicised that diabetes is a risk factor:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/people-at-higher-risk/whos-at-higher-risk-from-coronavirus/

Your DD is the more vulnerable one here, I don't think you are being unreasonable to ask him to be more careful while he lives with you all. He can always move to a cheaper area or live in a house share if his finances will stretch to that.

I reckon he could catch Covid from a female sex partner as easily as he could from a male one

I think you should leave it to your husband to discuss

Sorry I just voted YABU I meant YANBU!
It’s your house
He shouldn’t be meeting others inside or outside of your home and then returning and putting you at risk.
He’s not just socialising, he’s sleeping with them so whatever they have he’s going to get. Not cool at all!

The fact he's gay is totally relevant, if my gay friends and my daughter's gay male friends are anything to go by.

@Bayleaf25

I have a diabetic close friend who is adamant Covid doesn’t put her in a high risk group? Admittedly I don’t know and you also mention a genetic condition which may be relevant?

Your friend is wrong. The mortality rate from Covid with pre-existing diabetes is much higher than those without diabetes.

@CovidClara

and she also has Diabetes, this means she would have a severe case of Covid

Evidence for that?

@CovidClara google it.... diabetics made/makes up a disproportionate % of hospitalisation cases, I believe 25%.

[quote Ginfordinner]Evidence for that?

It's been pretty well publicised that diabetes is a risk factor:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/people-at-higher-risk/whos-at-higher-risk-from-coronavirus/[/quote]
That isn't the same as saying she will have a severe case of covid though

Not unreasonable to explain to him your worries.
He may propose solutions you hadn't thought of.
How does your adult DD feel about this situation... does she agree she's vulnerable & want others to shield her so?

He needs to stop shagging randoms while he's living in your house.

No he doesn’t. He’s not bringing them home.

@19lottie82

He needs to stop shagging randoms while he's living in your house.

No he doesn’t. He’s not bringing them home.

OK. Not sure you've heard the news recently but there's a nasty virus going around that seems to be spread through human contact.

@19lottie82

He needs to stop shagging randoms while he's living in your house.

No he doesn’t. He’s not bringing them home.

I think you are missing the point. But he is still getting very close to a lot of different people while he is out. He is still increasing his risk of getting the virus.

That isn't the same as saying she will have a severe case of covid though

It increases the risk nevertheless, plus the OP said her DD had a genetic condition. If it as CF, for example, she would be considered clinically extremely vulnerable.

Fuck that?! He's bring randoms back to the house during this pandemic .. FUCK OFF with that shit...

If it's an issue.. tell him to get his own place or drink bromide for a few months ..

@BlueThistles he isn't bringing ransoms back. Read the OP.

OP, I don’t think you’re BU to want your DSS to limit close contact with others.

@CovidClara OP said her daughter was shielding so I’ll assume the medics who know her and her condition know more than a random on the internet.

His sexual orientation is irrelevant. He should not be having casual intimate partners during a pandemic, he is supposed to be maintaining social distancing with anyone outside of his own household wherever he lives. If he chooses not to follow social distancing, he increases his risk. He doesn’t have the right to increase your risk, so he is of course free to move in with friends or other people who don’t care.

he isn't bringing ransoms back. Read the OP.

Yes ... sorry I stand corrected..

So He's staying overnight with randoms.... the infection possibilities remain the same.. I still say FUCK THAT... ask him to move out, your Daughter has an underlying health condition..