So long story but before I start I admit I am basically scared to death of finances. Two sisters, one got mega into debt young and spent years clearing a black mark, the other married, moved into his home, committed to being a SAHM then lost everything when they divorced and ended up on every benefit imaginable. So be gentle, I tie myself up in knots about debt and stuff.
So been with DH for nearly 20 years, married only a few. We have a three year old and a 10mo. Historically he's been rather blasé about money, he will always pay with a cc and pay off what he can. The most debt I've known is about 8k due to car purchases and such but its usually between 1-3k To his credit, twice he's paid the full lot off over a course of years and then something else crops up and it starts again. Me on the other hand have five months of bills put away and and rather frugle with money. We have separate accounts, he pays half mortgage, half childcare, the food bills, I pay the same halves and all the utilities. I generally pay for all presents, kids stuff and christmas as he generally is strapped for cash once paying off lumps of his card each month. We earn exactly the same take home wage although I earn it in only three days part time. He is not a big spender, neither of us are very social (!) his money is spent on the occasional box of nice wine, maybe a football match or a new tshirt, but he's not flashy with money.
Two years ago he had cleared his debt and then admittedly had to buy a new car for ds2. The car he brought on a zero interest cc for fixed term. Admittedly it wasn't the most practical car, it fits the kids and a buggy so useless for a b&q run but it's his and it ticked a box. It means now we're back to square one. I am currently on mat leave returning to work in the new year. I'd love a third baby in a couple of years, we'd love a loft extension for space, but based on his plan to clear his card in three years he has very, very little disposable income so no baby, no loft.
So, should I contribute to paying this debt when I return to work instead of attempting to save? My fear is that I become a bank thay intervenes every so often at my expense. A sad thing to fear I know, but I am literally terrified of debt or being shafted by ANYONE that I can't think rationally about money.
The last three years BTW my savings were spent in paying for my extended time off on maternity (I get peanuts through work) he did not contribute to this.
Be gentle please