Take a Break magazine - guess the story.

[GrapevineFires]

My mum used to buy it weekly. I haven't read one since my teens, but I had the urge this week to do some of the puzzles. I had forgotten all about the sensational, misleading headlines.

This week's cover headline: "Mum wanted a baby so she took my TWIN GIRLS. Only ONE came home ALIVE" (Capital words all TAB).

What do you think actually happened?

Anyone got any other 'gripping' headlines with a very different story?

@Wafflehouse

I remember a woman who had a (younger male) lodger move in, they started a relationship and she couldn’t stop having orgasms. All the time. She went to a&e in the end and there was a photo of her diagnosis and the pair of them, him grinning, her looking a bit fed up. She took to wearing nighties all the time because they were loose and she thought they wouldn’t set it off. They were in it again a few months later and he had said all the older ladies in the local area had read about it and kept winking at him. I think the headline the second time was “She’s Still Going!” or something. That was about 15 years ago, a colleague used to bring the magazines in at lunch and we’d all read them. I sometimes wonder if she’s still going now, poor woman.

Oh god, I remember this

Primary school kid goes joyriding around the neighbourhood, sets fire to wheelie bins, threatens the postman with a knife, beats up kids from the grammar school on the other side of town, throws cricket balls through windows, swears at the vicar and assaults the lady at the corner shop.

Gets downgraded from 'mumma's little angel' to 'loveable rogue'.

Love TAB, Chat, That's Life etc. Guilty pleasure for sure.

Speaking of Top Tips and Reader letters I always loved the ones from Viz. Here are some of my favourites

Here's 2 more

Those are great, Bottle!

I liked the old ones about simply strapping two small square carpet samples to the bottom of your shoes rather than paying a fortune to unnecessarily do your whole house and saving money on a personalised registration by changing your name by deed poll to V437 PLR - not sure if they were originally from Viz or elsewhere!

“My brood”

I still remember my favourite headline years later - "trapped in a lift - saved by a RICH TEA “

Love this thread! I used to read TAB for laughs when I was at university in the 90s and this is bringing back so many memories.

Always some toothless Steve who buggers off and leaves Tracey and the nippers to shag Tracey’s mum, Maureen.

Or the other way round. ‘I knew it was wrong, but when Steve’s Dad, Keith, looked at me from across the packed Working Men’s Club, the butterflies in my stomach were undeniable.’

‘

Also, if someone has three or more kids, the phrase “Life was hectic” always appears. You don’t say...

@toffee1000 hahahahaha this makes me cry
Usually said just before the bit where Dave, 42 has distanced himself and his twinkly eye is no longer twinkly

The twinkly eyed guys in these stories usually look like Fred West.

Never read it - and now I don't need to! This thread is hilarious.

Also, if someone has three or more kids, the phrase “Life was hectic” always appears. You don’t say

‘Life was a whirl of bottles and nappy changes and at first Dave was great, getting up to help with the night feeds’

*Or the other way round. ‘I knew it was wrong, but when Steve’s Dad, Keith, looked at me from across the packed Working Men’s Club, the butterflies in my stomach were undeniable•

He may be a silver fox but he had the stamina of a 25 year old between the sheets

I call DS at university every Thursday to read out the names. Nothing so far has beaten Pheenix-Clay...

I call DS at university every Thursday to read out the names. Nothing so far has beaten Pheenix-Clay

My favourite of all time was Krystle-Elaine

@ReallySpicyCurry

Val stopped showing up for our Malibu and Lambrini sessions. I had to finish that year's season of Love Island on my own.

Then one evening, my eldest, Lellikelli, 4, came home from the park

"Mum, Denim says Dad has moved in with them" she yelled as she threw me a smoke

I gasped. Denim was Val's youngest. Suddenly it all made sense. Dave wasn't laying carpets - he was laying my best friend!

Oh I think you are my soul animal. Please come and be my friend.

WeBuiltThisBuffet and APJ1....you have articulated my feeling about Dr. Knott perfectly, thank you!
That photo

One of my favourite bits was the top tips for saving money.
"Running low on gin? No problem! Simply rub a drop of gin around the top of the glass and fill with tonic. Your friends will never know! "

Well, I think they fucking would actually.

But ever since then my friend and I would say things like, 'I didn't have any spare cash for your birthday- so I rubbed a £20 note round the envelope'.

[quote WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]**@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll you've never been to Little Oakley if you think theres a Tapas Bar there

How long have you lived there or known the place? You're right I've never been there, but AP was doing his radio show something like two decades ago, so I imagine the poor, embarrassed Domingo shut down his business soon after the broadcast and fled for the anonymity of the throbbing urban metropolis of Harwich - infamous for its rowdy night-life and 24/7 party culture [/quote]
You mean Little Oakley featured in AP? I didnt watch it very often. How funny. My mum was the HT of Little Oakley school in the 80s and 90s so I know it well!

It was either Take a Break or That's Life that had a 'Rude jokes' page. I used to read them out loud to family, at sunday roast at my grandparents house when I was about 7. Most went over my head.

"Why does george michael have chocolate on his bum? he was careless with his wispa"

Some long one about a dim man chatting up a lady who told him she was a lesbian and fancied another girl in the bar, leading him to exclaim he must be one too.

I read one recently where the woman met someone and had a baby. He then left her for her own mother who is also got pregnant.

I was trying to work out the relation between the babies! Auntie and niece but also half sisters?

Has anyone else had an urge to go and buy a load of true life magazines in light of this thread 😂

I read it once and was creased at the line in knew he was the one for me when I saw him in the dole queue'

Also there was a great story about a woman throwing a man out because he kept shagging the chickens she was defrosting for Sunday dinner🤢

No way just read the whole thread and someone else read the same story!!!

I'm loving this thread. I've even been out and bought love it! For my lunch break. The front cover isn't filling me with happiness though! Will update later...

P.s nominated for classics 😳