Take a Break magazine - guess the story.

[GrapevineFires]

My mum used to buy it weekly. I haven't read one since my teens, but I had the urge this week to do some of the puzzles. I had forgotten all about the sensational, misleading headlines.

This week's cover headline: "Mum wanted a baby so she took my TWIN GIRLS. Only ONE came home ALIVE" (Capital words all TAB).

What do you think actually happened?

Anyone got any other 'gripping' headlines with a very different story?

Used to buy these type of magazines weekly (TAB, That's Life! etc) - buy them all every week without fail.
Then they started to become obsessed with child abuse stories as entertainment and light reading over your cup of tea and so stopped buying as was too upsetting/horrible.
Grief/abuse porn is one word I saw to describe and even though a horrible term, accurately describes!
I did have a soft spot for the top tips page though, and the type of stories where Brenda's twin slept with her hubby then you read the actual story and it was clickbait shit and Brenda's "twin" turned out to be just her bezzie mate from school who looked like her

I'm disappointed that the Take a Weird Break website is no longer online. But it did lead me to this classic.

I remember the My Operation column! Oh god it was so boring to read about Edna and how her piles operation went slightly wrong. But it was the kind of tediousness you can't stop reading cos it's oddly funny.

A teen mag when I was younger had the teaser, 'Ronan Keating's shocking secret' but it was just about what chocolate bar he prefers.

I would have thought the much bigger secret of his was that time he was really nasty to a MNer when she was a teenager and her mum went over and biffed him in the face!

@12:38LaMarschallin. Oh I'm sure, it could've been that one!

Even within the very loose bounds of the trashy mags' definitions of the meaning of language, how could any stretch of the imagination lead you to possibly describe somebody's chocolate preference as 'shocking'? Unless it was 'ground chocolate that they picked up along the popular local dog-walking routes, maybe....

still makes me laugh at the image of potatoes stretching the nylon.

I'm sure there must be a drag queen joke in there somewhere

My cousin got pregnant by an arsehole. I spotted said arsehole while leading through TAB at the dentist. It was a story from a woman 30 years his senior about how she picked him up while shopping in Asda. Lots of details about their sex life then how he disappeared after getting a one night stand pregnant accompanied photos of him.
I could never look at him without thinking of if the story. As it happened I didn't have to look at him that much and neither did my cousin as - surprise surprise - he did another disappearing act.

My cousin got pregnant by an arsehole.

That sounds improbable from an anatomical pov

that would be a good headline: 'my arsehole KNOCKED ME UP!'

Webuilt I'm sure I read on here that Ronan once rocked up to a MNer's local cinema and expected the screen to be closed to the general public so he and his family could watch a film like VIPs, what a wrong un I bet he only likes crap chocolate bars like Twix

There was a story in Take a Break (or maybe it was Chat?) years ago where a woman found her husband or partner was cheating on her. So in revenge she decided to make him his favourite steak and kidney pie, but instead of using steak and kidney she used dog shit from her pet Alsatian. Apparently the bloke ate it and didn’t have a clue! I mean you’d think the smell would’ve given it away?

I remember one story about a woman whose husband left her because she made him clean the carpet all the time. She also never allowed him to have friends over and they could only go out on a Wednesday evening. By the end of the article I was firmly On His Side.

The most awkward stories are surely the ones with a woman on the front cover who looks about five months pregnant or so, with an arrow pointing to the bump alongside the caption “Pregnant? No, it was POO!” or something.
Also the headline “I broke my husband’s willy!”
Penises are never “penises”, they’re always “willies” or “todgers”.

what a wrong un I bet he only likes crap chocolate bars like Twix

This is my new favourite insult which I am going to steal and start using in daily life.

I'm insulted by that - Twixes (or should that be Twices?) are rather nice and are thus innocent here.

I shall be the bigger person, though, and charitably assume you meant to type 'Bounty'.

Also the headline “I broke my husband’s willy!”

The true facts of the story:
"My partner wouldn't stop pestering me for sex all the time, so I decided to end the relationship"

The exact same story as featured on the cover of TaB:
"I got so sick of my partner's willy that I broke it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

I remember every single story had to include the phrase "You see" at least once.

"I gazed into the mirror and carefully applied lipstick. Then I sighed sadly and did it again. I was a conjoined twin, you see. I thought no man would ever want me. That was before I met Mike. He was a carpet fitter with a twinkle in his eye and a cheeky chappie smile. Within a week, I had a pineapple growing in my stomach."

🤣🤣🤣

I shall be the bigger person, though, and charitably assume you meant to type 'Bounty'.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVU to hate on Bounty bars.

Though I agree that Twix are okay. Not top tier but not bottom either. A solid everyday bar.

Surely we can agree on a universally or majority-disliked chocolate bar?

Hmm, might start another thread.

The fake family in TaB were the grumps 🤣🤣
I’m gonna go buy a copy cos this was toooo fucking much

If you have a library card you can download lots of mags for free on something called RBDigital. Unfortunately TAB and That’s Life are not on there but Chat, Pick Me Up and Real People are.

My friend was in TAB many years ago, her story was she gave birth to her daughter at exactly the same time as her nan died. The main thing thing I remember was that instead of saying that she cried when she found out her nan died it said she 'howled'.

"Our mam was always strict with us kids growing up, no fags until we'd finished our homework. "
" I always had a big appetite, I would have 2 takeaways for tea every night , but I was shocked when I weighed myself to see I was 21 stone "

I love how everyone’s age must be stated. ‘I was over the moon when hubby Kev, 32, offered to cook tea for our kids Kilburn, 6 and Mississippi, 4. Little did he realise that our neighbour Linda, 47, had just let out her cat Tiddles, 1, and he shot through the open window and gobbled up the whole tin of ravioli. Sobbing, I told my sister Sheila, 40, who howled with laughter’

I love how everyone’s age must be stated.

You forgot the age (BBE date) of the ravioli - what a disgrace to miss out such a vital detail!

Also everybody's road names. I think they like to give the impression of a big friendly family-style community, but it could be extremely dangerous being featured in the mag when they give more than enough details for any disgruntled ex-partner/ex-friend or random chancer/weirdo to track you down to your front door.

It reminds me of Alan Partridge when he's broadcasting details of a caller's very embarrassing personal situation and he says "I don't want to identify him, so I'll just use his Christian name - it's Domingo from Little Oakley. Ooh, there's a lovely tapas place there that I like to go to".

Damn, time to bin the TAB job application. Again

Years ago a woman in my home city sold a story to TaB. It was the usual "Twinkly eyed plumber knocked me up and ran off with my mate" stuff but the bit that made me laugh was the bit that described X road where she lived as being close knit and neighbourly.

The road was famously rough. As in, local bus company refused to run buses there because they got bricks thrown at them and at one point the postman needed a police escort!

Outing but me and my SIL play a really stupid game where we'll take a selfie looking out of a window with a miserable expression and caption it "me now".

She's currently winning after managing to take the selfie at a window in the Ritz Carlton New York.