BIL bringing new girlfriend aground

[itwasrebekahvardysaccount]

Family meal next week obviously if we're not in lockdown. BIL moved out of his family home with ex and the kids 2 weeks ago OW he has been having affair with is coming for the meal. MIL says she can't say anything feels slightly uncomfortable about it but it's up to him.

AIBU to think this isn't normal and I'm not crazy not wanting to be apart of it? I wasn't that close to ex SIL but we both still had a good time when we seen each other.

Please tell me if I'm being a drama queen and being over the top as OH thinks I am

@saraclara

If I was his mum I'd say that sorry, it's too soon. I certainly wouldn't feel ready to host the OW.

I also think it's fine for you to say the same. You don't have to rule out meeting her in the medium term, but I think you can tell him that you think he's rushing it (and putting his mum in a difficult situation)

Yep, mil is at the very least being a wet lettuce.

I think your MIL needs tognet a backbone

Just remember your MIL is showing you how she would behave if your DH ever cheated on you. I'd just mentally file that away somewhere if I were you.

I understand how this can happen in a family though. People feel they need to stay out of the private element of people's business.

It depends on people having a sense of what is appropriate though. And society doesn't believe in setting out rules of etiquette on this stuff.

It's kind of like how there used to be rules on mourning, how long people stayed out of public life, that sort of thing. You waited a certain amount of time, say a year, before dating again. Divorce has become common enough some people almost feel like there is nothing to get over in a family, everyone just moves on.

But that's not true, I think a good rule of thumb might be 6 month or a year before making a new relationship public. And especially if there are kids.

But that's not really how families work.

He has just walked out on his wife and children and expects the rest of his family to open their arms to his mistress !!! What an arrogant twunt he must be. If you go you are condoning his behaviour.

I would go to this meal and be as nice as pie to them both. Ask her how they met and how long they’ve been together, all innocent-like.

I would ask him how his children are, how they are coping the break up of their family, if his ex-wife is okay.

Make it totes awks, on their part.

Broke up 2 weeks ago and there’s an ow on the scene already? Blimey, fast work.

@MaskingForIt

I would go to this meal and be as nice as pie to them both. Ask her how they met and how long they’ve been together, all innocent-like.

I would ask him how his children are, how they are coping the break up of their family, if his ex-wife is okay.

Make it totes awks, on their part.

I'd do this. I'm presuming of he went alone you'd go and play politem. He'd still be a cheater who walked out on his wife and kids. He's the one any anger should be directed at.

So I'd go, enquire about the kids, be polite but not fake

no way too soon if he wants her to meet his dm fine but the whole family

whose going

You weren't close to his ex, it was a mutual split you don't know much about. YABU and there really isn't any need to be so personally invested in other people's relationships.

If you've just had a Coronavirus test then I'm not sure making any plans for next week make sense. I'm assuming you've been tested because you have symptoms of some kind.

Even if you test negative for Coronavirus, if you are not well because of a cough or cold just say you won't come because you aren't well. No one wants to catch any type of cough or cold right now and have to isolate their whole household while they get tested.

In these situations I would put myself in the place of your SIL.

How would you feel OP?

Check out how your SIL is.

Your MIL is a piece of work and I would definitely file away for reference her speaking about your SIL like that.

Your husband's compass isn't great is it?.

Some family you have married into!

@rottiemum88

I cannot see how you think it is any of the OP's business. It's not down to me to rule on the morals of people in my extended family. The SIL has not been 'mugged' of a husband - he's an adult, he chose to be with someone else. He is free to do that.

I think you need to rethink your position, which seems immature and not conducive to peace in the family.

Tbh the chances are he fed the OW a load of bullshit about how him and his wife had split ages ago, they had no relationship anymore, he was only staying for the kids yada yada. I would just go and just make things awkward and drop him in it and be nice as pie while doing it, but that’s just me tbh 😂

This is the family your OH comes from, grew up in, shares values with... and from his non committal attitude (at best!), this is what your OH will most probably will copy if he ever cheats on you and ships in your replacement one weekend.

Uncomfortable to realise isn’t it? I’d be pretty concerned about my OH right now... although hopefully I’m wrong.

It's nothing to do with you.

Unreasonable and far too soon.

This is MN where the OW should be tarred and feathered and Not Spoken To for the next umpteen years because she's disgusting and immoral

Turning up to a family meal 2 weeks after your married boyfriend left his wife for you...yep, thats pretty disgusting.

I wouldn't go

No one said ow should be tarred and feathered - it's the bil getting most of the criticism here.
The fact remains though that neither bil or ow have covered themselves in glory here - if you go through life doing horrible things, people will judge you.

Tier 1 you can have 6 people round a table at home.

Yes you can, but you still need to be socially distanced from anyone not in your household or bubble, so it's only possible if you have a huge table big enough allow for that.

@MonicaBelulaGellar

It's nothing to do with you.

It 100% is up to the OP who she socialises with.

@CovidAnni so dont go then? Dont socialise, it's not hard bab.

OP

It won't be a problem now for "next week" as looks like we are going into a National lockdown or tier 4 or whatever they want to call it ..

[quote Hailtomyteeth]@rottiemum88

I cannot see how you think it is any of the OP's business. It's not down to me to rule on the morals of people in my extended family. The SIL has not been 'mugged' of a husband - he's an adult, he chose to be with someone else. He is free to do that.

I think you need to rethink your position, which seems immature and not conducive to peace in the family.[/quote]
There are children involved

It's very difficult to be dragged into a situation where adults have just split up and want to introduce new people without a decent lead in time out of respect for the family that OP have been wide family with for years. 2 weeks is unreasonably indecent

If we were talking after 4 months, 6 months or longer these comments about MYOB have more ground

Frankly it's not really Covidsafe either

I would swerve that. I'd just say still awaiting results.