Page 4 | BIL bringing new girlfriend aground

itwasrebekahvardysaccount · 2020-10-29T09:12:20+00:00

Family meal next week obviously if we're not in lockdown. BIL moved out of his family home with ex and the kids 2 weeks ago OW he has been having affair with is coming for the meal. MIL says she can't say anything feels slightly uncomfortable about it but it's up to him. AIBU to think this isn't normal and I'm not crazy not wanting to be apart of it? I wasn't that close to ex SIL but we both still had a good time when we seen each other. Please tell me if I'm being a drama queen and being over the top as OH thinks I am

Bluetrews25 · 29/10/2020 11:22

I would not even want to meet BIL, never mind OW.
But who knows how hard she is being pushed to attend?
And if it will be acceptable one day, why not today?
I can see both arguments.
The one that wins, though, is covid.
I'm in T3 currently. If people keep mixing like this with the rate of spread currently, then shit will happen.

LouiseTrees · 29/10/2020 11:23

There’s no way you are not in a tier that allows 5 people not distanced by at least2m ( big table?) inside your own home (or is it at a restaurant?) . What tier is Your area currently in? I’d cancel the meal or say the restaurant said it had to be two households do you are taking the MIL only.

cherrybakewelllll · 29/10/2020 11:25

Your BIL sounds a right twat but unless you are hosting you can't really dictate. If your MIL is accepting that the OW is coming then you have to respect your MIL decision, even if you don't respect BIL and OW.

I've been in the situation that exH took his OW to his mothers wedding a week after he split with me, so I do understand how out of order it is and I bet your exSIL will be very hurt.

cherrybakewelllll · 29/10/2020 11:26

@LouiseTrees

There’s no way you are not in a tier that allows 5 people not distanced by at least2m ( big table?) inside your own home (or is it at a restaurant?) . What tier is Your area currently in? I’d cancel the meal or say the restaurant said it had to be two households do you are taking the MIL only.

Tier 1 you can have 6 people round a table at home.

Drinkingallthewine · 29/10/2020 11:28

Depends on the situation with the marriage and if SIL (the one being cheated on) is an evil bitch.

Tbh I don't think it does. Even if she was the biggest bitch in the world, it's poor behaviour.

When my DH's brother cheated on his wife, I was appalled. His wife is hard work, rather spoiled, and I disagree with many of her views but she made her vows to him in good faith and deserved the same back.
And we briefly were faced with the possibility that we would have to meet her at family gatherings and honestly, I'd have felt very conflicted knowing my SIL would have been in the very early stages of the recovery process and us all playing happy families.

And if my ILs did play happy families like that I'd be reconsidering my relationship with them and DH. It's not Pippa in Home and Away FFS.

ChaToilLeam · 29/10/2020 11:31

Too soon. And too damn brazen.

I would not go. The food would stick in my throat anyway.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/10/2020 11:31

Who is going to be at the meal op?
If it's his kids then really that's between him and their Mom. If it's your kids, would DH take them regardless?

If he leaves the OW at home would you still refuse to go because he still cheated on his wife and moved on to play happy families with the OW insensitively quickly?

Goosefoot · 29/10/2020 11:32

It's pretty rude and insensitive of your BIL. Presuming he stays with this woman I guess you'll all eventually meet her, but there is such a thing as a decent interval.

I'd almost wonder if your husband couldn't tell him that he is being a twat, but maybe that wouldn't help the situation.

SonEtLumiere · 29/10/2020 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hailtomyteeth · 29/10/2020 11:36

Go, don't make a fuss. The BIL is likely to be in your life going forward, with whatever baggage he brings with him. You can't change what's happened, or make him loyal to his now-ex, by being uppity. Set a pleasant, forward-looking example. Not gushing, not seeking extra gossip, just quietly moving on.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/10/2020 11:37

@SonEtLumiere

I was in your position. Oops, I’m so sorry that I spilled my glass of red wine all over your clothes. What a shame.

The bil or the ow?

rottiemum88 · 29/10/2020 11:39

@Hailtomyteeth

Go, don't make a fuss. The BIL is likely to be in your life going forward, with whatever baggage he brings with him. You can't change what's happened, or make him loyal to his now-ex, by being uppity. Set a pleasant, forward-looking example. Not gushing, not seeking extra gossip, just quietly moving on.

Shocking advice. If you witnessed someone being mugged, are you also the kind of person who'd just walk on by and leave it for someone else to deal with, because it's not your business?

Just because OP isn't part of the bloody marriage doesn't mean she shouldn't have an opinion on BILs behaviour or express (by not attending) that she doesn't approve of his complete lack of any morals or respect.

Triskelline · 29/10/2020 11:40

Am I the only one laughing at the (slightly Freudian) typo in the title of this thread?

LightDrizzle · 29/10/2020 11:41

What a knob he is! I wouldn’t go.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 29/10/2020 11:41

Personally, I wouldn't go. People carry on with shitty behaviour because they get away with it by no one pulling them up on it.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 29/10/2020 11:44

Firstly let me say I’ve been married over 30 years and as far as I know neither DH or I have ever had an affair but if we did I wouldn’t want family members to judge. 60 years ago my pregnant Mum left her husband taking her 6 month baby (me) and moved in with another man, a casual friend of the DH. Her family were outraged and out of respect/love for her ex husband refused to meet the new man for years. Mum and the new man stayed together until his premature death 26 years afterwards so at some point they did meet him, realised he was right for her and grew to love him too. The two of them acted badly to start with but were meant to be together.

It’s hard for extended families when marriages break down but I don’t think your MIL or you should be taking any sort of moral stand here. Her son has made a life choice and as a mum she needs to support him and she is doing that. I don’t think you should be judging him or the new woman but if you really can’t face seeing them or feel you wouldn’t be polite, then stay away next week. This woman might be around for the rest of his life or might be a flash in the pan so there’s no rush to get to know her if it feels off to you.

Namechangeme87 · 29/10/2020 11:45

Wow how trashy !

I hate this whole idea people need to just shut up to keep the peace with families you’re brother in law sounds a dick and the OW clearly brazen as hell .

It not been ok now doesn’t mean it won’t be in the future time is a great healer as they say . OW should do the decent thing n stay away for now but clearly as the OW she has zero boundaries anyway 🙄

Poor sil

Tiersforfears · 29/10/2020 11:47

@itwasrebekahvardysaccount yanbu at all but at the end of the day he is her son and she’ll support him. You don’t have to go though.

madcatladyforever · 29/10/2020 11:48

I'm too old now to put up and shut up, if I don't want to meet a wanton hussy then I won't. So it would be a big fat no from me.

Original poster

itwasrebekahvardysaccount · 29/10/2020 11:50

Sorry just catching up just had my COVID test.

Apparently it was a joint decision to split so SIL isn't sat at home crying over it. MIL said SIL has cheated in the early days so I guess that makes it ok No one has met her yet BIL moved back in with MIL and has been staying away every few nights so he has eventually admitted that he is still seeing her and asked if he could bring her to the dinner.

I'm not going anyway it doesn't sit well with me. If my COVID test comes back positive at least that gives me a good enough excuse

OP posts:

MingeofDeath · 29/10/2020 11:51

What is SIL like? Do you get along with her?

CleverCatty · 29/10/2020 11:52

@itwasrebekahvardysaccount

Sorry just catching up just had my COVID test.

Apparently it was a joint decision to split so SIL isn't sat at home crying over it. MIL said SIL has cheated in the early days so I guess that makes it ok No one has met her yet BIL moved back in with MIL and has been staying away every few nights so he has eventually admitted that he is still seeing her and asked if he could bring her to the dinner.

I'm not going anyway it doesn't sit well with me. If my COVID test comes back positive at least that gives me a good enough excuse

Does MIL have proof for SIL cheating or is she just being a cow?!

Sounds as if MIL doesn't like SIL much.

BlueThistles · 29/10/2020 12:00

yes it's all very odd OP 🌺

Viviennemary · 29/10/2020 12:03

I agree with you. Don't go. And your MIL shouldn't be going ahead. But you can't stop her.

picosandsancerre · 29/10/2020 12:14

SIL cheated in the early days so that makes it ok for BIL to bring OW for dinner What? I mean how long ago are we talking, clearly they stayed together, got married (or not) and had DC so likely many years ago..... Your MIL is making excuses. Just be aware how quickly she has managed to dismiss DIL from her life and take in a new woman. She has no loyalty to her DIL so keep reminding yourself of that being that your her other DIL,