to not understand why parents allow their children to go trick or treating?

[teaandtoast49]

Even disregarding the current coronavirus situation, I have always found myself disagreeing with the concept of allowing children to go trick or treating, as well as Halloween in general. My dp is slightly more relaxed about this, so am I just being ridiculous? I was never allowed to go trick or treating as a child, go to sleepovers, etc. and while I understand now that my parents probably were in the right, I would love to gauge the opinions on MN about it.

We have this thread every bloody year 🙄. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. Leave everyone else alone to do what they want. It’s quite simple.

I find it interesting that for 364 days of the year people are almost evangelical about not letting their children speak to strangers, not accepting sweets from them etc, but for one day that all goes out the window and the expectation is on the strangers to do what they’ve been told they would be considered suspicious for doing the rest of the year.

And if it was only little kids with parents going out then that might be one thing, but fact is it isn’t. Teenagers, groups of children with no adults, who egg houses and cars and scare older people even if they don’t have lights on and decorations.

I never allowed trick or treating and DS genuinely didn’t miss out. In fact he could have gone with eXH and his DSC but didn’t, and now he’s nearly eighteen and still doesn’t see the point. But that aside, a couple of years ago a parent with two small kids, around 3/5 came and knocked at the door, and when I didn’t answer it he screamed “you miserable fucking cunt!” Through my letterbox. I think that if we’re going on examples to set for the kids, me not opening the door to them pales into insignificance there, and he’s not exactly a model of good parentage just because he took his kids out trick or treating. Wonder what their lives are like for the rest of the year....

We take the kids round the block. It's lovely - get to meet neighbours, the kids do a 'turn' (it's guising here, not trick or treating), dress up, eat their body weight in sweets. A really favourite tradition.

Teenagers, groups of children with no adults, who egg houses and cars and scare older people even if they don’t have lights on

Wow, never had any of that in all my life. It's just groups of wee kids here, all very sweet and mostly hilarious. They only visit houses with lit pumpkins. The jokes are terrible, though.

I don’t really like trick or treating. If it’s done at all parents should go with children, and it should be finished by 7pm or so.

I went once in year 9 with school friends.

I think the sleepovers thing is totally different - growing up I could go to them, and had a few, but only if my Mum and Dad knew the parents well. If I was invited to a sleepover at the home of a new friend I could go to the party, but not spend the night; Dad would pick me up late evening.

Our whole village gets involved . Because it’s almost completely unlit rural roads , we meet at the village hall and all the parents escort the group -sometimes up to about 50 kids ! - all wearing high vis and with big torches , from house to house . If the house has a pumpkin , or lets us know beforehand that they’re happy for visitors , then we visit en masse , if not , we don’t . The kids are expected to be polite and say thanks , and they do . It’s become so popular that we have had families from outside the village join . And it’s fun ! Plus the kids absolutely clean up - we never come home with less than a carrier bag full of goodies !

As long as it’s safely done , and not a nuisance , why not ? We complain when they’re stuck indoors all the time staring at screens , at least they’re outside, having a bit of fun .

You sound so miserable. It's just kids having some very tame fun.

Don't answer the door to them if you don't like it.

My parents wouldn’t let me trick or treat back in the 80s/90s and I actually agree with their decision- back then you just knocked on random doors with no idea of whether your visit would be welcome. However, in recent years (around here anyway), if a house has a pumpkin out and/or Halloween decorations, it is a ‘sign’ that the house dweller is happy for children to knock on Halloween evening and has a supply of sweets ready. I take my kids (ensuring they are polite and only take one sweet per house) and everyone enjoys it. No pressure to put a pumpkin out if you don’t want to.

This year, our community have organised a Halloween trail and are encouraging contact free trick or treating - so you can peg some sweets to your tree or something and all the kids know not to knock on doors. In a time where there is very little to look forward to, why not make some extra fun for them?

This again 🙄 there are hundreds of the same thread. It’s also not Trick or treat in the uk that’s the American version. We called it by the old word in Scotland’guising’ and as part of the pagan custom an offering was made to the spirits and lights were used to guide your ancestral spirits home. Now we treat it as fun the kids disguise themselves and we give them and offering ‘sweets’. The jack o lantern is now mixed with lighting the way home!

It’s my favourite time of year, I loved it as a kid and had an absolute ball! The ones who never let their kids just seemed miserable.

I would prefer a neighbourhood party or something, if anything at all

Well organize one!

Life doesn’t drop in your lap you know.

OP have you no imagination?
It's Fun, something to break up the miserable autumn nights just after the clocks of changed. Gonna miss it this year. it was extremely sociable last year, all the parents out with their younger kids, exciting for the kids to be out in the dark in costume.

On Mumsnet, "I don't understand..." seems to actually mean "I want to sneer at...", so YABU for that alone.

I find Hallowe'en mildly irritating but go along with it in more normal times. What other people do is for them to worry about.

I kind of get where the OP is coming from - I am old ( compared to most on this site) and in my younger days trick or treating was basically begging with menaces. If you didn't come up with the goods i.e a treat you were 'tricked' which meant anything, egging your windows, damaging your garden etc. However that seems to have stopped and now it is just kids going around asking for sweets, which although we rarely did with my kids (they weren't really interested) I am fine with. But definitely not this year. I do recall a few years ago I made some pumpkin cupcakes with the inside of the carved pumpkin. They were nicely decorated in fancy cake cases etc. they were OK taste wise. We handed them out and kids went away happy. The following day walking the kids to school we found most of them scattered in the hedges, one bite and they were binned. I bought chocolate after that

I have not RTFT but assume someone has made a comment about teenagers scaring old people

Please stop infantilising the elderly.

I've stocked up! I'll be so glad to see children happy and enjoying themselves. I've decorated outside and plan on pegging bags of sweets outside, so they don't have to grab or rummage. Coronavirus isn't going away so my outlook is to learn to live with it

Oh gawd. This again. 🙄

No, the Americans are NOT the inventors of modern day Halloween celebrations... although they do it very well.

No, it is not akin to children "begging." Ffs, there is a mutually recognized system in place.

As said upthread, you do you, Op. Happy Halloween 🎃

I was brought up to think that trick and treating is awful, American, and begging! I have found out that it is not like this at all! Even my mum joins in with it now! People round here make a big effort to dress up (adults too) and some decorate their gardens so well. It is so much fun for the children. They look forward to it all year.

OP lighten up, it’s children dressing up, having fun and eating sweets. What is the issue at all?

Interested to know why you think your parents were right and why you disagree?

As long as it’s done properly and supervised (ie only knocking on pumpkin’ed houses, not unnecessarily scaring people or animals....), Trick or treating is fun.

Sleepovers with friends allow for bonding and some independence for the child. Gives other parents a sometimes much needed break. I wouldn’t let my DC go anywhere where I didn’t know and trust the adults supervising.

A total ban on these is extreme imo.

Do you take your children to stately homes instead?

I find it interesting that for 364 days of the year people are almost evangelical about not letting their children speak to strangers, not accepting sweets from them etc, but for one day that all goes out the window

The over throwing of ‘the rules’ is part of spirit of the original festival. It’s a common theme in many of our long standing traditions. Twelfth night for example.

We went one year and DD friend opened the door her mother called ‘who is it’ and the friend replied ‘It’s the Bluebells begging’

The mother was mortified!! She have the children £1 each and was extremely embarrassed ... think about what you tell your children!!

^^

Why you AGREE not disagree....

I was never allowed to have sleepovers either. It was to protect myself and my siblings from abuse. Have you any idea how many children are abused while staying at other peoples homes? Abuse usually happens by someone trusted by the family. Obviously not every child is, but why take the risk.

The vast majority of abuse happens to children in their own home. If you want to do everything possible to keep them safe, you should keep their family away from them, and get your husband to move out.

You sound really boring (I probably am boring too). But I let my kids have fun. Childhood sleepovers with my best friends where we are all in the living room with sleeping bags or sleeping on mates floors while watching movies are my favourite childhood memories.