To be miffed at my parents

[Honeyandapple]

First day back at work tomorrow after maternity leave so I am already nervous about that.

My parents are stepping in as childcare providers for my two DC, the baby is 8months. We have a childminder but she is vulnerable so can't work at the moment.

My parents announced today they are taking my 2 to a 'site of interest' where there are some nice gardens and some things for kids to do. There's a dino trail or something too. They have invited their friends, also grandparents who will bring their 2 grandkids (older than both of mine by a few years).
I'm feeling annoyed because I wanted their focus to be on the baby, their first time looking after her and it's her first time away from me / DH. I can see my DM getting caught up chatting and engaging with friend and not realising baby needs something (she's not a cryer). Additionally it will be 8 people and only 6 are allowed to meet, even outdoors!

YABU

If you don’t trust your parents to use their experience and judgement to look after their grandchildren then you need to pay for childcare

YABU. Pay for childcare if you want to dictate what the care looks like.

How old is your eldest?

I think your DP are doing the right thing. I had a two year age gap and it was much better to do something to entertain the eldest. Youngest could just go in the pram and take it all in. If the focus was on the baby, eldest would be diving head first off the furniture before long!

Also, if you don't trust your DP to meet your child's basic needs, you should not be asking them to look after your child.

YABVVU.

Wanted to add, the childminder would probably be doing something very similar to your parents. But with 8 kids instead. And two school runs.

If the child was in nursery they'd be exposed to far more than 8 people.........yabu and bratty towards somebody who is doing you a massive favour.

OP -I get your concerns if your DM is disregarding existing rules and pretending that they don’t relate to “her” now ”then the next six months will be a wake up call. it isn’t going to get any better believe me - lay down what you will or won’t sanction as a family now rather than later

Children don't count inbthe outdoor meet-up numbers so that's fine.
Older child will be entertained, baby will be fine.

If they sit at home they'll be distracted from staring at the baby by needing to entertain older DC. Also they probably won't be out all day so plenty of time for baby-staring. Or were you expecting a full 8 hours of them gazing at her?

Also I love how people uncomfortable with households meeting are suggesting alternative childcare.

Just how many households do you think mix indoors at the average nursery or even childminder? I'm guessing that's a much higher risk than granny outdoors with her friends

Children don't count inbthe outdoor meet-up numbers so that's fine.

They really, really do, in England.

Hang on...so you don’t trust your mother and are as good as saying she is neglectful when gets distracted. Either you shouldn’t be trusting your parents to look after your children or you should back off and let them actually do the job. I get the feeling it’s the latter.

I wouldn't like this either and to be honest would be telling them you don't want them taking the children out for the day.....

They are your children and it's your rules that apply, not theirs.

@MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat

Children don't count inbthe outdoor meet-up numbers so that's fine.

They really, really do, in England.

Oh I missed where OP said she was in England

Breaking the rule of six would annoy me.

Yabvu. Have you not considered that your baby may actually get MORE attention with the oldest beung occupied? The childcare is free and your baby is likely to get much more attention with this set up. Quite frankly I dont think you realise how bloody fortunate you are

I presume they managed to look after you and any siblings you have ok enough to make it into adulthood yourselves? if not then they should not be looking after your children

If you are not happy pay for child care.

Good grief

Have they taken the children out to the park before? or anywhere?

It all sounds lovely on paper, but it's pretty tiring taking out an 8 month old and you need a lot of stuff, they may have less time with their friends and more time being stressed, but I'd leave them to it and let them work that out for themselves, it may all work out ok.

@seayork2020 - look up! See that .. it’s the whole point flyover you’re head.

Your children will be fine.
It's so lovely of them to do this for them.
If you put your children in a nursery or with a childminder , the children would be mingling with others indoors anyway.
At least it's outdoors and it sounds like a lovely day out for them all.
It won't happen every day.
Just be grateful.

@PinkSpring

I wouldn't like this either and to be honest would be telling them you don't want them taking the children out for the day.....

They are your children and it's your rules that apply, not theirs.

Is that what you'd tell a childminder, too?

I'm about to start caring for my baby granddaughter for the occasional day when my DD goes back to work. I will of course try to follow the routine that she has at home, but if DD came out with something like"she's my child and my rules apply, not yours" , and didn't allow me to take DGD out for the day, I'd suggest that she found paid childcare instead.

@PinkSpring

I wouldn't like this either and to be honest would be telling them you don't want them taking the children out for the day.....

They are your children and it's your rules that apply, not theirs.

Do people actually behave like this? Telling grandparents what to do? Not even asking? If you want free childcare then you dont dictate how the care givers spend their time. There would be more households and a much busier environment with a child minder or nursery. The only way you can do this is if you can afford to pay for a nanny. How rude and ungrateful to tell the grandparents not to go out!

Have they taken the children out to the park before? or anywhere? It all sounds lovely on paper, but it's pretty tiring taking out an 8 month old and you need a lot of stuff

Have they got car seats /pushchair etc organised?

FFS. How patronising of you both. These people are grandparents. They brought up their own kids. You seriously think that people like me don't know to organise car seats and pushchairs? And don't know what it's like to bring up a baby and take it out somewhere?

Not to mention that the baby has an older sibling, and unless they're incredibly uninvolved GPs they'll already have been taking the first GC out

It is nerves because you are just leaving your baby, but people can look after lots of kids and babies at once. It is lovely they have plans.

You are so lucky. My parents did the same and looked after our first baby for the first 6 months after I went back to work (baby 8 months). I felt so grateful they were with her.

In a coupld of days you will feel so much better. You will bawl your eyes out on your way to first day of work though. Normal!!

As @Poppingnostopping said.

My mil used to get over excited, arrange complicated social days out when my two were tiny. It soon stopped when my eldest did a cracking impression of mil swearing on the motorway traffic in the rain with the stench of stinky nappy.

Let it go, see how it shakes down. Enjoy the change of problem solving and stress at work. There will be far less multi tasking and you can go to the loo calmly without your colleagues interrupting you.