To be miffed at my parents

[Honeyandapple]

First day back at work tomorrow after maternity leave so I am already nervous about that.

My parents are stepping in as childcare providers for my two DC, the baby is 8months. We have a childminder but she is vulnerable so can't work at the moment.

My parents announced today they are taking my 2 to a 'site of interest' where there are some nice gardens and some things for kids to do. There's a dino trail or something too. They have invited their friends, also grandparents who will bring their 2 grandkids (older than both of mine by a few years).
I'm feeling annoyed because I wanted their focus to be on the baby, their first time looking after her and it's her first time away from me / DH. I can see my DM getting caught up chatting and engaging with friend and not realising baby needs something (she's not a cryer). Additionally it will be 8 people and only 6 are allowed to meet, even outdoors!

The only thing I'd worry about is the 8 people; but if it's outdoors and reasonably socially distanced, and assuming that you're Tier 1, I wouldn't worry too much: probably safer than 4 people at close quarters indoors.

YANBU. I think if you are taking care of someone else’s child you should focus on that child. Many mumsnet posters seem to think parents should put up with anything and everything their child carer wants without any thought for what the parent wants.

In England, unlike other parts of the UK, everyone counts in the Rule (or as it actually is now, Law) of 6. I wouldn't be happy about the breaking of the law to be honest, although I don't actually think 8 people is inherently less safe.

YABU. It sounds like a nice day out and I am sure that your parents will be very focused on looking after the baby - first day and all that

YAbeing a bit U - babies are easy to entertain, toddlers less so. It will be a fun day out.

Accept it or pay for childcare so that you can tell them what to do.

Have they got car seats /pushchair etc organised?.

YANBU
If your parents agreed to mind your children there should be communication over expectations.
I would be very unhappy with my children going to a site of interest during a pandemic even if technically it was allowed. I think it's just an unnecessary risk especially considering it's their first day minding them.
I would of expected them to stay near their home which I presume your children are familiar with and try to establish their own little routine. Not going off on day trips.

Why have you waited until the day you go back to work to be the first day they look after the baby on their own?

YABU - it sounds like a great day out for your older child and it'll be much easier for your parents to keep them both happy on the move.

I'm having dgs (16 months) tomorrow for the day whilst dd works. I would be very miffed if she tried to impose on me what I could or couldn't do whilst I was providing free childcare tbh. I assume that your dp's managed to raise you to adulthood so imagine they will manage fine with their grandchildren as well. I normally work on "granny's house granny's rules" when I have GC but eight meeting up is illegal isn't it? I mean I wouldn't say I'm not using a car seat because I'm free childcare. Apart from anything else we didn't raise ours when covid was around so it is a bit different, unprecedented even.

Trust me, your baby will be much better looked after by your parents than in a nursery setting or by a childminder who does not love your child. I work in a nursery and adore children, I also know alot of childminders and most of them do it for convenience not money. So at the risk of offending child care providers, which I don't care about doing, your baby will want for nothing and will be staring at all those older kids being silly and noisy and lovely. I'd be more annoyed at the large group gathering due to corona..xx

YABU - But maybe your mind is in overdrive because of the first day back at work?

yabu

Just to add, the group is only 8 (mostly kids) so it'll be lovely for them all x relax and trust them. They love your children, just remember that xx

They are helping, you can't micro-mange how they do it.
If you really didn't think your parents would notice your child needs something you wouldn't leave baby with them. It is first day nerves.

@rainbowunicorn

Oh for fucks sake. I am sure your parents will manage just fine to look after the kids and have a nice time catching up with friends at an outside location.

I bloody despair at the way some people think about things. Bloody ridiculous

That wasn't helpful at all was it? Swearing at someone who was asking advice and vulnerable about being away from her baby at such a young age.

YABU. It sounds like she has made a huge effort and you are upset that she won’t be sat in a room completely focused on baby...

If only your parents had some experience of looking after small children...

But if the baby was at a childminders or nursery or school they would be with way more than 8 people.

I am preparing to find alternative childcare, but finding something short term is hard. It's also hard to let our original childminder go but it's looking like the most likely option.

This is for 1 day a week. Probably until January. And yeah, the nerves probably are getting the better of me

My DM is kind but is ditsy and easily distracted. Very sociable, always has commitments.

We are tier 1 and they live nearby but are within tier 2. In England.

My DM is kind but is ditsy and easily distracted. Very sociable, always has commitments.

Well you survived her ministrations to adulthood, I'm sure she can manage.

YABVU and ungrateful.
If you don’t like what they do (for free) for you, pay a nursery

My lg started childcare a month ago ish. It's tough when you've spent so much time trying to establish a routine and generally loving them to bits. We have a 3/2 split with nursery and parents. In some ways nursery is great - it's paid for so we can question if she doesn't eat etc but she loves my parents to bits. What happens on grandad/nana days stays there

It's natural that you are feeling anxious about leaving your baby and going back to work but YABU. It will be nice for them to be out and about and if you normally trust your Mum I am sure she will attend to the babies needs.

YABU. UnLess your parents are very, very unusual they will be besotted with their new GC and paying very close attention to your lovely baby.

I quite agree with @Sally872 that this is not about your parents at all but more about your reluctance to leave your baby and go back to work. Once you are there and back in the swing of things I am sure things will look much better.