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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you coping?

160 replies

Hellin301 · 26/10/2020 19:33

There are very few threads indicating that people are still struggling mentally with the Covid situation.

Does this mean people are coping better now or are you still struggling day to day?

OP posts:
PhilSwagielka · 27/10/2020 09:04

@Ignoringequally

Not coping at all, but generally don’t bother talking about it on here because you just get the cries of ‘it was so much worse in the war’ and ‘FFS people are dying’. Easier to keep my despair to myself.
Same. I’d either get told to stop being a snowflake and be more resilient or told that at least I’m not dead and this isn’t World War 2.
PhilSwagielka · 27/10/2020 09:06

@bloodywhitecat

No, I am really not. The virus delayed DP's cancer diagnosis and the whole thing has been a battle to be heard from start to finish. Today he has surgery to remove part of his pancreas, his bile ducts, gall bladder and duodenum only to be told they found a nodule in his liver. If this is cancer too he will die sooner than we'd hoped as according to the surgeon it would be "very, very bad news". We've heard no good news since this all started so I am pretty sure bad news is on the cards again so tonight am I coping? No. No I am not.
I am so, so sorry. What a horrific thing to deal with. Flowers
BiddyPop · 27/10/2020 09:23

I am mostly managing, I am lucky to be busy WFH FT still in a busy job and to get out into the fresh air running my Cub pack every weekend.

But I still have bad days, there is a lot of stress in the house (teen ASD/ADHD DD struggles somewhat with Covid and teenage life combined, DH and I both working flat out at home).

We haven't seen family much this year - a weekend in early March and another in July to visit both sides (they live close to each other, we're 250km away), 1 DSis stayed 1 night in August, and DH and DD had a day trip in September before lockdown to move things from us to DPs/DMIL, and to collect a trailer from DMIL.

But we generally have a positive outlook on life - we deal with the necessities as they hit us, and just "keep on keeping on" in the meantime until there is a solution to the virus - but we are trying to keep it out of the house because I have reasonably serious asthma. But the weather getting worse has depressed me somewhat as I haven't really stopped all year - we had 1 week in an empty house of a family member, where we didn't do much just had a change of scene, and I had another week off as DD's taxi service, but it's been too busy at work to take more time than that and I am really feeling that now.

OneStepOneStumble · 27/10/2020 09:26

Struggling. I've seen 4 people except for my husband since February and one of those was a quick meeting in March about a presentation that never happened not exactly a jolly social call. I've not seen my family since last Christmas and we live 350 miles away and are in tier 3 so it's unlikely to even be this Christmas. I've kept to every rule and am continuing to do so but yes, I am really struggling.

Original poster
Hellin301 · 27/10/2020 09:42

@PhilSwagielka - I’ve created the thread because I genuinely want to know how people are coping. I know we can all be guilty of putting a front on and pretending everything is fine.

I’m not interested in hearing from anyone who is trying to belittle how someone else is feeling.

OP posts:
kittensarecute · 27/10/2020 09:46

Missing my beloved theatre desperately and longing to act again. But doing fine apart from that. Trying to limit my news intake and not think too far into the future which has helped a lot.

PhilSwagielka · 27/10/2020 09:49

[quote Hellin301]@PhilSwagielka - I’ve created the thread because I genuinely want to know how people are coping. I know we can all be guilty of putting a front on and pretending everything is fine.

I’m not interested in hearing from anyone who is trying to belittle how someone else is feeling.[/quote]
Thank you 💙

SittingontheRascal · 27/10/2020 09:50

Interesting question actually. On a general level, no not really. I find the uncertainty and lack of freedom at the moment very hard. I miss my family as a single person living overseas, and not knowing when I can go back is really tough.
On a day to day basis, I seem to be getting through OK weirdly. Despite each day being like Groundhog Day, I've got a routine and I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Meruem · 27/10/2020 09:50

I’ve been extremely lucky with work etc and I wasn’t a big socialiser pre covid so I’ve been fine. The very odd day where I feel a bit bored with life. But nothing major. I think an appreciation for my situation has been helpful. I know how much worse it could be so I just don’t feel I have anything to complain about.

TheCuntOfTheLitter · 27/10/2020 10:00

At the moment, I’m fine but feel almost ashamed to admit that.

I will add though that my children are introverted homebodies who are also the best of friends so there is no stress at all inside the home. I think that makes a huge difference. As the token extravert, I am usually tearing my hair out but right now, so grateful.

Lockdown proper was very hard because my son is autistic and a nightmare to teach and I have to say I live in fear of that happening again......

Whatyoucanandcantdo · 27/10/2020 10:32

It's helpful knowing others are feeling flat, scared, anxious, depressed, it's comforting although you don't want others to feel that way. The whole thing is just horrible, if you're saying you're unaffected at all then I think maybe you lack compassion for the wider world tbh.

Branleuse · 27/10/2020 10:37

Im ok. I think ive got things into perspective a bit more now compared to how i felt earlier in the year

thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2020 10:38

Sorry to hear some of these stories, particularly bloodywhitecat.

In the scheme of things I'm really quite lucky as I've been well throughout, haven't known anyone become really ill and have kept my job. But feel utterly burned out and exhausted and incredibly angry with my employer for the way I've been treated through this whole thing. I'm a lone parent and had no childcare throughout the full lockdown and obviously was expected to home school and my employer cut me absolutely no slack at all and loaded the work on, knowing my DD's mental health was really suffering.

I found it particularly hard to see all the endless social media posts from the people who loved lockdown and were constantly banging on about how great it was having quality time with their families. I know it wasn't meant as such, but it felt like a huge slap in the face when I was locked in a room for 13 hours a day unable to interact with my child.

As I've said in the broad scheme of things I know I am very lucky and have really tried to keep this in perspective but I still feel incredibly angry and resentful and am struggling with this on a daily basis.

jay55 · 27/10/2020 10:41

Not doing so well. The dark grey days are the worst.

ProfessorRadcliffeEmerson · 27/10/2020 10:47

I’m not coping. Work is horrendous (grateful that my job is safe, but it’s gone from being something I loved to something I’m enduring now I don’t see anyone in person. DD is better for being at school but still not her usual self. The political situation scares me: I’m convinced Trump will win again. If someone told me I’d go to bed tonight and never wake up, I wouldn’t actually be sad.

Meruem · 27/10/2020 10:56

If you're saying you're unaffected at all then I think maybe you lack compassion for the wider world tbh

I don’t think that’s true. You can know of, and have empathy for, the people it’s affecting badly. But it doesn’t help them or yourself to let it depress you. It won’t change a thing. I recognise that on an individual level there is absolutely nothing I can do. It is all out of my control. So not thinking about it is better for my own MH. Doesn’t mean I don’t care. It just means I’m realistic about the fact I am just one person getting through it all the best way I can.

ClementineWoolysocks · 27/10/2020 11:03

We're in full lockdown here in Southern Ireland, I'm coping just fine. I've always been resilient and don't really struggle with difficult situations.

PhilSwagielka · 27/10/2020 11:08

@ProfessorRadcliffeEmerson

I’m not coping. Work is horrendous (grateful that my job is safe, but it’s gone from being something I loved to something I’m enduring now I don’t see anyone in person. DD is better for being at school but still not her usual self. The political situation scares me: I’m convinced Trump will win again. If someone told me I’d go to bed tonight and never wake up, I wouldn’t actually be sad.
Me too.
TheCuntOfTheLitter · 27/10/2020 11:15

@Whatyoucanandcantdo

It's helpful knowing others are feeling flat, scared, anxious, depressed, it's comforting although you don't want others to feel that way. The whole thing is just horrible, if you're saying you're unaffected at all then I think maybe you lack compassion for the wider world tbh.
I think that’s very judgemental to be honest. I was extremely distressed when this was becoming a huge problem and on antidepressants by May and knew I was going to have to disengage to some level or else be sucked into a vortex of angst.

My children don’t need a depressed parent in top of every else.

I’m a naturally optimistic and energetic person and I’ve turned my attention to things I can control.

Mamascoven · 27/10/2020 11:29

I coped great in March lockdown, now I've really started to struggle mentally this past week. I had my DD last december and am due to go back to work on the frontline in around a month or so and have been losing a lot of sleep over it. I suffer with anxiety - mainly health anxiety. I also naively thought that both my DC had successfully got through a full term without having to Isolate. That was until I got a text from school on sunday saying DS (y2) classmate had tested positive so now im in with him for 2 weeks along with my 4yo and 10mo. I just dont see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment.

ScarletORyan · 27/10/2020 11:43

Am coping but it's tough. My Dad has been very ill for a month in hospital and we can't visit. My Mum has dementia and has eventually had to go into a care home where she is quarantined and can't have visitors long term 🙁. I was made redundant in Sept. We've had no respite for my severely disabled adult daughter since March and my other daughter is struggling with her mental health. Overall a very rough time!

hallowee · 27/10/2020 11:46

I'm struggling too. Both my dcs are at university and I'm worried about how they are coping and worried that they will try and muddle through and not tell me if they are struggling. My youngest has quite severe MH problems and has SN and goes from fine to totally not fine very quickly so it's a constant worry for me that his 1st year at university is ok.

I feel so isolated working from home. We had moved just before coronavirus to a more rural location. I go through weeks when I don't see anyone else. I hated my commute but at least I actually had reason to leave the house and see other people. Now I feel like some sort of hermit. I don't think I've washed my hair in a week when I was doing it every day! My gym membership and all my social life was based around the office and now that's closed, I've just lost all my social outlets. That coupled with moving to a new area just before everyone closed their front doors has left me feeling very down and if you knew me in real life, you'd know I'm normally a very happy go lucky, glass half full type of person.

I haven't sold my old place yet and I'm tempted to move back but the problem is dp's work is near our new place so it's very difficult as he's blissfully happy here (but also going out every day to work and seeing people, unlike me stuck on my own!).

I don't hold it against people if they are coping, it's good news that people are. I am coping but have an undercurrent of things getting worse if I don't make some changes now (like even say joining a gym near me and forcing myself out more often etc.).

hallowee · 27/10/2020 11:47

I also can't see my dad as he's in a country where the borders are not open and I haven't been to see him for more than a year. I really worry that he's looking after himself properly as there's no social care in the country he lives in. If something goes wrong, i'm not even sure I'd be able to get there.

lazylinguist · 27/10/2020 11:47

I’ve been fortunate to not have struggled during the pandemic but I realise I’m in the minority.

Same here.

lazylinguist · 27/10/2020 11:55

The whole thing is just horrible, if you're saying you're unaffected at all then I think maybe you lack compassion for the wider world tbh.

Sorry, but that just doesn't make any sense. Horrible things are always happening around the world. This was true before Covid and has always been true. It is perfectly possible for most people to have empathy for those in need or in tragic situations without it impacting on their own mental health.

I'm coping fine because I'm fortunate in my own personal circumstances and because I'm not a particularly emotional or easily upset person. That doesn't mean that I underestimate the impact of the pandemic or have a lack of compassion.