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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband just flipped at me about a pumpkin

91 replies

Globalpandemicmum · 26/10/2020 18:40

Yesterday I took our 2 year old Pumpkin picking, my DH didn’t come but specifically said he wanted to do the carving together. We was going to carve them tonight so after dinner I said shall we do them. He said no it’s got a bit late. We then agree to do them on Saturday as it’ll be a similar time each week night.

Two minutes later, he says let’s do them. I say alright and we tell our DD the plan. He then sits there expecting me to go and clean the pumpkin. I tell him to go as he wanted to do it. I’m also holding the baby.

We’ve got 7 pumpkins and there was one perfect small pumpkin that I specifically picked and wanted to do myself. Typically this was the one DH picked out the bag. I said ah not that one, I specifically picked that one. He then started shouting at me that I was causing unnecessary drama.

I just responded that there are 7 there, I’m just asking you not to do that one. He then carried on shouting at me.

I sat there a bit bewildered tbh so before I confront him for talking to me like that, am I missing something. Was I unreasonable to ask him to leave that one?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 26/10/2020 18:42

No, he sounds like an arsehole tbh

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2020 18:44

Does he about at you regularly?

flaviaritt · 26/10/2020 18:44

He sounds very bad-tempered. Does he often shout at you? I don’t consider that normal.

MustardMitt · 26/10/2020 18:44

You know you’re not. He’s got a cob on because he had this misty-eyed ‘making memories’ moment and you spoiled it by saying actually, that one is for you.

Shame you’ve got two babies OP!

CoffeeRunner · 26/10/2020 18:46

It all sounds very childish indeed.

Is there any background? Is it actually all about the perfect pumpkin? Are things otherwise fine & dandy between you?

MaskingForIt · 26/10/2020 18:47

It isn’t about your little pumpkin.

He’s pissed off that you weren’t going to clean out his big pumpkin and present it to him for him to do the fun bit.

Sounds like a Disney dad who wants to starring role but none of the hard work.

TheDowagerDuchessofMwwwahaha · 26/10/2020 18:47

Well he’s taken all the joy out of that, hadn’t he!

rottiemum88 · 26/10/2020 18:49

I mean he was wrong to lose his temper at you but come on, what did it honestly matter which pumpkin you carved? Pick your battles etc...

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 26/10/2020 18:51

Well he’s taken all the joy out of that, hadn’t he!
Exactly. Why can some men just never let things be Nice?

GeorginaTheGiant · 26/10/2020 18:51

I have a friend with a relationship like this. At each other all the time over nothing and every little day to day situation can turn into an argument-it’s exhausting to listen to so I can’t imagine what it must be to live it. I believe that a couple should be fundamentally NICE to each other day to day-so treating each other at least as well as you would your best friend. There is literally no reason for him to have spoken to you like that, there’s no kindness or fundamental friendship in the kind of interactions you’re describing. Do you want that kind of relationship and do you want your children to grow up around this? It sounds tiring and miserable to me-I’d far rather be single than in the kind of relationship where I end up being shouted at over a fucking pumpkin.

ohfourfoxache · 26/10/2020 18:51

Sounds like a total dick Confused

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 26/10/2020 18:53

He was being a jerk.

Yes, it was probably because there had already been a bit of a back and forth about when to carve the pumpkins, he apparently was feeling some type of time pressure, and then he was going to have to do the messy work of cleaning the pumpkin. From his perspective, having you tell him that the pumpkin he chose was reserved was probably the last straw, but he was still being a jerk to blow up over it.

Not that it will make a difference, if this is his personality, but I can tell him from your children's point of view (once they get a bit older) that they'll remember if one of their parents has a habit of blowing up over little things. I still love the parent in question, but it's definitely affected how my siblings and I view them. It's not good, really, and it does tarnish your memories.

MrsWhites · 26/10/2020 18:53

Why is everything on his terms:

He doesn’t want to go pumpkin picking - so you go with DD on your own.
He wants to carve them - so you specifically wait until after tea
He doesn’t want to carve them - so you agree to wait until Saturday
He changes his mind and wants to do them - so the plan changes again
He wants a specific pumpkin - when you question this he flips even though it makes no difference to him at all!

Basically he sounds like a controlling arsehole!

GeorginaTheGiant · 26/10/2020 18:54

Oh and it kind of works both ways-if you just snapped ‘not that one’ when he picked one up, that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. To my DH in that situation I’d have said lightheartedly (because I wouldn’t actually care that much, it’s a pumpkin) ‘oooh I picked that one, I really want to do that one!’ And he’d have laughed and passed it over. I just don’t see how these kind of situations lead to people shouting at each other unless there’s something fundamentally off in your relationship.

ChocolateCherrybomb · 26/10/2020 18:55

Oh, bless.

He is pissed off "mummy" refused to scrape all the crap out of it for him.

And then he grew a tantrum.

Wow, yuck, manchild warning.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/10/2020 18:57

He shouted at you in front of your DC. That's really, really bad.

TW2013 · 26/10/2020 19:03

He probably thought that the little one would be quicker to clean so he could say 'well I cleaned the one on Monday' without having to do as much prep!

cptartapp · 26/10/2020 19:06

Did he watch the baby whilst you took the toddler pumpkin picking?

TwentyViginti · 26/10/2020 19:07

@MaskingForIt

It isn’t about your little pumpkin.

He’s pissed off that you weren’t going to clean out his big pumpkin and present it to him for him to do the fun bit.

Sounds like a Disney dad who wants to starring role but none of the hard work.

This.
marveloustimeruiningeverything · 26/10/2020 19:09

Doesn't he sound like fun...

doctorhamster · 26/10/2020 19:10

Yup MaskingForIt has got it in one.

keeprocking · 26/10/2020 19:11

@MustardMitt

You know you’re not. He’s got a cob on because he had this misty-eyed ‘making memories’ moment and you spoiled it by saying actually, that one is for you.

Shame you’ve got two babies OP!

I was thinking there are 3 babies there, the baby sounds the most mature of the lot!
Autumnblooms · 26/10/2020 19:12

No drama, he says as he shouts and causes drama...over a pumpkin!

Maybe it was just a bad night for him and his feeling off. If this is a constant thing though you need to have some stern words.

RegularHumanBartender · 26/10/2020 19:13

Well he obviously did it because you didn't clean his pumpkin like he expected. I guess you do everything and he is used to that?

What I dont get is why you passively just sat there and allowed him to 'shout' at you like he's the boss or something.

WitchesSpelleas · 26/10/2020 19:14

Yup, he's a joy-vampire. Get him to sit on your wall as a Hallowe'en decoration instead of your pumpkins.