Husband just flipped at me about a pumpkin

[Globalpandemicmum]

Yesterday I took our 2 year old Pumpkin picking, my DH didn’t come but specifically said he wanted to do the carving together. We was going to carve them tonight so after dinner I said shall we do them. He said no it’s got a bit late. We then agree to do them on Saturday as it’ll be a similar time each week night.

Two minutes later, he says let’s do them. I say alright and we tell our DD the plan. He then sits there expecting me to go and clean the pumpkin. I tell him to go as he wanted to do it. I’m also holding the baby.

We’ve got 7 pumpkins and there was one perfect small pumpkin that I specifically picked and wanted to do myself. Typically this was the one DH picked out the bag. I said ah not that one, I specifically picked that one. He then started shouting at me that I was causing unnecessary drama.

I just responded that there are 7 there, I’m just asking you not to do that one. He then carried on shouting at me.

I sat there a bit bewildered tbh so before I confront him for talking to me like that, am I missing something. Was I unreasonable to ask him to leave that one?

@MaskingForIt

It isn’t about your little pumpkin.

He’s pissed off that you weren’t going to clean out his big pumpkin and present it to him for him to do the fun bit.

Sounds like a Disney dad who wants to starring role but none of the hard work.

Nailed it. He wasn’t expecting to have to do any work fgs, cleaning them out (the shit bit) is your job, doing the carving (the fun bit) is his.

He sounds very tiresome. How is he about other matters? Night feeds, nappy changes etc?
Does he shout at you about other issues?
A man would shout at me once and never again, as that's unacceptable behaviour in a civil relationship.

No excuse for raising his voice at you, especially in front of the DC. Shame on him.

I couldn't be arsed over a pumpkin sounds like he just grabbed one out of the bag and you our being precious out it .
If it was that special you should of put it on one side .

We’ve got a new baby so things have been a bit tense lately due to lack of sleep but generally we’re fine.

He was stressed with work last week and was the reason I was taking the kids pumpkin picking without him, so he had some down time. I went with my sister and her daughter.

To be honest, he was in a really good mood all weekend, like too good a mood for him and it did get mr wondering why there was such a contrast in his mood from the week. Maybe he was putting a front on and this is how his mask has slipped.

Asking him to do something isn't causing drama. Shouting at you for asking is. If he thought you were being precious, a jokey eye roll would have been enough, and far less disruptive.

I hope it's a one off, and he's had a tough day, or something. You can't have that sort of unpredictability on a regular basis, especially not with a child around.

Just to clarify, it was just cleaning the mud off of the pumpkins, not scraping out the inside. It was very wet yesterday!

Sounds like my ‘d’h...a total bellend
Fuck him and his pumpkin

Makes no difference. Will he be scraping out the pumpkin he will use (or will he sulk and do nothing), or will that be your job?

I sometimes think about delivering shouting lessons to women. I know a thing or two about the voice.

Does anyone think there would be a market?

I too dont think its about the pumpkin or you cleaning it. As you say..new baby,stressed with work etc. Its just a stressful time.

I was very hormonal last week and had a small argument with my partner whilst taking hash browns out of the oven. If you ask him he'll say we argued over a hash brown🤣 it's more what the hash brown represented.

He seems extremely unreasonable!! Dictating what and when things get to be done! If he wanted a particular pumpkin he should of picked it himself ffs you ANBU

I struggled to believe you were talking about your DH and not your 2 year old!
He bloody needs to grow up. My 5 yo has better emotional regulation.

@TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara

He was being a jerk.

Yes, it was probably because there had already been a bit of a back and forth about when to carve the pumpkins, he apparently was feeling some type of time pressure, and then he was going to have to do the messy work of cleaning the pumpkin. From his perspective, having you tell him that the pumpkin he chose was reserved was probably the last straw, but he was still being a jerk to blow up over it.

Not that it will make a difference, if this is his personality, but I can tell him from your children's point of view (once they get a bit older) that they'll remember if one of their parents has a habit of blowing up over little things. I still love the parent in question, but it's definitely affected how my siblings and I view them. It's not good, really, and it does tarnish your memories.

I agree 100%, we are both people pleading doormats to avoid making people angry at us.

@GeorginaTheGiant

I have a friend with a relationship like this. At each other all the time over nothing and every little day to day situation can turn into an argument-it’s exhausting to listen to so I can’t imagine what it must be to live it. I believe that a couple should be fundamentally NICE to each other day to day-so treating each other at least as well as you would your best friend. There is literally no reason for him to have spoken to you like that, there’s no kindness or fundamental friendship in the kind of interactions you’re describing. Do you want that kind of relationship and do you want your children to grow up around this? It sounds tiring and miserable to me-I’d far rather be single than in the kind of relationship where I end up being shouted at over a fucking pumpkin.

I also know a couple like this and, as you say, it’s exhausting to watch. OP, I really couldn’t get worked up over something so trivial as pumpkins so imagine that there must be much more going on in your relationship. Are you both sleep deprived? Whatever else is going on, I think you both need to sit down and try and talk calmly about whatever is going on.

So he’s just explained... apparently I’m selfish!

Last night he fell asleep on the sofa. I left him there and went to bed (as normal). He came to bed in the night and must have disturbed me as the first I know is I’m putting my phone on charge and he is tugging at the covers. The charger is a wireless one and was on the floor, rather than the side. I tried to pick it up, the lead wouldn’t come. I tried to pull it but the plate came away from the wire. I then put the wire back in, left it on the floor and put my phone on charge on the floor. Because he was tugging and tugging at the covers and I told him to wait I’m selfish. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t intentionally take the covers and that it would have been for a matter of seconds.

Every interaction with your DH seems to be a drama for both of you tbh.

@Hopeisnotastrategy

I sometimes think about delivering shouting lessons to women. I know a thing or two about the voice.

Does anyone think there would be a market?

Not sure, but personally I'm good thanks!

One of the brilliant things I inherited from my Dad is 'the eyebrow' or 'the look'

And the quiet but firm follow up.

Sounds petty and argumentative for no reason.

But I doubt this is wholly about pumpkins.....

@Globalpandemicmum

Wait. What? WTAF does last nights duvet tussle have to do with tonight's pumpkin drama?

He was already in a mood BEFORE you said you wanted that particular 🎃

Don't be sucked into him blaming you for him acting like a twat.

He sounds lazy & like he expects you to do all the grunt work while he just sits back & does the fun bits.

Does he often carry on like that around your toddler? If he does he need to be told it stops it he leaves. It's a horrible way for kids to grow up, having a parent that acts like that.

He sounds like an absolute dick.

@Rosehip10

Every interaction with your DH seems to be a drama for both of you tbh.

Please don't blame OP when she's done nothing wrong. It's really shitty tbh.

I agree that this isn't about the pumpkin or the duvet. It's about him being in a bad mood and using you to take it out on.

I think you need to tell him that it has to stop now or the marriage will be over. This kind of behavior will only escalate, I'm afraid.

We're all stressed about work. That doesn't give us the right to shout at people and behave like a twat.

he wouldnt wash off a pumpkin

ffs what is he thats so stressful a brain surgeon