Husband just flipped at me about a pumpkin

[Globalpandemicmum]

Yesterday I took our 2 year old Pumpkin picking, my DH didn’t come but specifically said he wanted to do the carving together. We was going to carve them tonight so after dinner I said shall we do them. He said no it’s got a bit late. We then agree to do them on Saturday as it’ll be a similar time each week night.

Two minutes later, he says let’s do them. I say alright and we tell our DD the plan. He then sits there expecting me to go and clean the pumpkin. I tell him to go as he wanted to do it. I’m also holding the baby.

We’ve got 7 pumpkins and there was one perfect small pumpkin that I specifically picked and wanted to do myself. Typically this was the one DH picked out the bag. I said ah not that one, I specifically picked that one. He then started shouting at me that I was causing unnecessary drama.

I just responded that there are 7 there, I’m just asking you not to do that one. He then carried on shouting at me.

I sat there a bit bewildered tbh so before I confront him for talking to me like that, am I missing something. Was I unreasonable to ask him to leave that one?

@BaylisAndHardon

Somebody posted on another thread a while ago that men having an affair will start arguments over nothing and blame you for them to make themselves feel better.

This shouting is not normal- there must be an underlying issue. If it's not an affair then there's something else bothering him. It can't be about pumpkins and duvets unless he's completely unhinged.

I must admit that I also wondered if maybe he was having an affair. It would explain the sudden change in behaviour.

There is nothing wrong with a woman picking out something she wanted as special for herself, even if that is just a pumpkin.

You are both being rather childish. You should have set aside the pumpkin you’d chosen for your own carving,
That would have left plenty for you OH to choose from.
He should have been more adult and said ok, I’ll choose another one.
And seriously, why do you need seven pumpkins? Bit OTT!

In his defence about not coming pumpkin picking, we do try and take it in turns to take the children out for a few hours here and there so that the other one gets a bit of a break.

He can’t possibly be having an affair, he works from home since lockdown so doesn’t go anywhere. Well he does meet his mates occasionally but there are no other reasons to suspect an affair. He is open with his phone, isn’t on it all the time etc.

If I’m honest, unless I specifically care about something then I let him make the decisions. He gets stressed out about the small stuff far to easily. This does bother me a bit but what’s the point in causing drama about silly things like who has the first shower, when I really couldn’t care less.

For the people saying I’m ridiculous for wanting a specific pumpkin. I specifically looked for a nice small pumpkin that I could get a nice picture of the baby with. Whether you see the point in that or not is irrelevant, I picked it, I wanted to use it, I asked nicely for him to use a different one, I really don’t see why I should get called selfish or shouted at for that.

She went out pumpkin picking with her children. I think its suppose to be fun so why people are painting it like a hard slog and she was a martyr doing it! OP and dh are both ridiculous! (I do understand it with a new baby though)

So, whenever things aren't on his terms he kicks off and therefore you normally avoid doing what you want so he won't kick off?

Page one replies calling him controlling were spot on really.

If I’m honest, unless I specifically care about something then I let him make the decisions. He gets stressed out about the small stuff far to easily

Sounds like his moods are in charge, round at your place.

And I think people have been quite mean to you about wanting a specific pumpkin. It's not about that; he shouldn't be shouting at you.

Is he quite a bit older than you, OP?

It sounds a bit shit that basically you have to go along with what he says or you get shouted at.

[quote nancybotwinbloom]@VivaMiltonKeynes

What are the differences and how do you tell?

I've never known this. [/quote]
www.express.co.uk/life-style/food/1352145/Can-you-eat-a-carving-pumpkin-evg

[quote nancybotwinbloom]@VivaMiltonKeynes

What are the differences and how do you tell?

I've never known this. [/quote]
You can eat the carving ones. I just make a cracking pumpkin pie with mine.

Made* not make. I think they're just not as tasty, but definitely edible and make great pies and soup.

Think your both bad as each other, also its a pumpkin 🙄 its not a life changing event. Perspective is everything

@Martiniwithanolive

Think your both bad as each other, also its a pumpkin 🙄 its not a life changing event. Perspective is everything

More victim blaming bullshit, yawn.

He sounds like a fun sponge YANBU he should’ve have picked his own, mini pumpkin! lol

@Nikori

Is he quite a bit older than you, OP?

It sounds a bit shit that basically you have to go along with what he says or you get shouted at.

I was wondering about the dynamics, which seem to be HE is boss. Is he older, OP?

Yep he is 8 years older than me. He was single and lived alone for a long time before we got together, I blame that for a lot of his issues rather than the age gap.

I do let him make the decisions if it’s something I’m easy going about, but if I care about something then I don’t and usually I don’t get shouted at for it. In this instance I didn’t mind what night we did the carving, I just wanted to keep that one pumpkin for myself.

I think I’ll keep an eye out to make sure this was a one off.

I think that is the right thing to do, but be careful. Often after abusive behaviour, there is a lull where he is super-nice, and then it happens again but escalates.

You absolutely didn't deserve to be shouted at.