Husband just flipped at me about a pumpkin

[Globalpandemicmum]

Yesterday I took our 2 year old Pumpkin picking, my DH didn’t come but specifically said he wanted to do the carving together. We was going to carve them tonight so after dinner I said shall we do them. He said no it’s got a bit late. We then agree to do them on Saturday as it’ll be a similar time each week night.

Two minutes later, he says let’s do them. I say alright and we tell our DD the plan. He then sits there expecting me to go and clean the pumpkin. I tell him to go as he wanted to do it. I’m also holding the baby.

We’ve got 7 pumpkins and there was one perfect small pumpkin that I specifically picked and wanted to do myself. Typically this was the one DH picked out the bag. I said ah not that one, I specifically picked that one. He then started shouting at me that I was causing unnecessary drama.

I just responded that there are 7 there, I’m just asking you not to do that one. He then carried on shouting at me.

I sat there a bit bewildered tbh so before I confront him for talking to me like that, am I missing something. Was I unreasonable to ask him to leave that one?

Your Dick Head is behaving unacceptably. Do you want your' children growing up in this atmosphere?

@Hopeisnotastrategy

I sometimes think about delivering shouting lessons to women. I know a thing or two about the voice.

Does anyone think there would be a market?

Yeah. Go for it.

Jeez! Being pissed off with all the little things are part of starting your family. Dh and I spent so much time snapping at each other over ridiculous things. Lack of sleep, broken routines, work. It all adds up.

@Globalpandemicmum

So he’s just explained... apparently I’m selfish!

Last night he fell asleep on the sofa. I left him there and went to bed (as normal). He came to bed in the night and must have disturbed me as the first I know is I’m putting my phone on charge and he is tugging at the covers. The charger is a wireless one and was on the floor, rather than the side. I tried to pick it up, the lead wouldn’t come. I tried to pull it but the plate came away from the wire. I then put the wire back in, left it on the floor and put my phone on charge on the floor. Because he was tugging and tugging at the covers and I told him to wait I’m selfish. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t intentionally take the covers and that it would have been for a matter of seconds.

This is so pathetic I would have burst out laughing and told him to get a bloody grip

Why do you need 7 pumpkins?! Sorry not helpful, just curious.....

@Akrotiri1 we don’t but the only way they were doing it at all the local farms this year was to pay a set amount per wheel barrow and you fill it up.

^Why do you need 7 pumpkins?! Sorry not helpful, just curious.....^

This! Plus why have a special one? Having done 3 pumpkins today I cant stand them right now.

Sounds awfully childish and why does anyone need seven pumpkins.
That's a lot of soup!

@rottiemum88

I mean he was wrong to lose his temper at you but come on, what did it honestly matter which pumpkin you carved? Pick your battles etc...

^ This

Petty and argumentative - which is pretty typical when you're very tired. Is it just him that seems to be seeing the worst in everything or are you getting resentful too? I know, when my kids were babies, I'd have been annoyed at his faffing about about the pumpkin carving and then even more so at the expectation I'd get the pumpkins and wash them while he sat there and I might have not expressed that as kindly as I could. (Even though he was probably tired and just not thinking straight).

There could be something more going on. But a new baby, that brain fogging tiredness, and suddenly both of you feeling resentful of the other is fairly common. So if he's not generally got form for being an ass (and he was definitely an ass over this) it's worth taking a step back.

Maybe sit down and have a talk when you are both in as good a mood as possible and try to come to terms with the fact you're going to be tired for a while (a few years) with a baby in the house and that you need to remember to give each other the benefit of the doubt and take the lack of sleep into consideration when planning. Try and agree to ask each other kindly for help when you're struggling and to point out problems kindly. Both try to remember that it's hard for the other too. If you're both struggling at the same time find a way to take the pressure off you both (e.g. baby sitter, delivery, cleaner, as v. lazy a weekend as you can manage with a baby, etc.) If it's too difficult to talk without arguing an online counseling might help you communicate better.

These early years with a baby can totally change the dynamic of your relationship, it's important to put some effort in now to keep it truly cooperative and stop it becoming fraught.

Of course, if he was a bit like this before the baby, it's a different ball game.

Where do you pick pumpkins?

Oh it's OK, I've seen that you bought them from a local farm.

You had a special pumpkin ? FGS - really ???

@user1497787065

Sounds awfully childish and why does anyone need seven pumpkins. That's a lot of soup!

The carving ones are not the same as the eating ones.

So you do all the work and he picks the best one!

Nah. Obviously you get first pick because you actually went and picked it.

Anything you said after this, YANB. They are the rules.

If my DH had of carried on lije that though I would of of carved him 🎃.

YANB.

@VivaMiltonKeynes

What are the differences and how do you tell?

I've never known this.

Why can’t OP have a chosen pumpkin? Maybe it’s easier for her to clean and carve a small one.

It’s funny how he has 6 other pumpkins to choose from and yet people are blaming OP

So he was screaming at yiu because he somehow had to wait a few seconds pulling the duvet the night BEFORE?

That was such a huge issue that 24 hours later he still hasn’t forgotten about it?

Errr... I think he needs to give his head a wobble.

Btw, I think he is a looking for an excuse because he knows he had no reason at all to blow up that way about a sodding pumpkin.

Now a question for you @Globalpandemicmum
Do you always do things to keep the peace?
So you go on your own picking the pumpkin bevause he doesn’t want to, wait to do the carving because he doesn’t want to then agree to do the craving because he wants to....
It looks like he has trained you very well to do as he says and basically blew up because this time you didn’t bow to his request.

Right so he's 'justifying' his pumpkin outburst as being pissed off and petty about a duvet tussle that happened last night. Has he been holding that grudge all day? Just waiting to explode at you for an unrelated 'misdemeanour'? That sounds totally reasonable. Not

He sounds like a twat who is creating a horrible atmosphere for you and your children

I feel sad that people are having a pop at the OP because she’d chosen a pumpkin for herself. She took the kids out, one of which is a new baby, to give her H some ‘downtime’. She took the kids out to do the pumpkin patch thing. He dictated everything, when, where and how they were going to do the carving. He changed him mind repeatedly. She highlights that the pumpkin he took was the one she’d like to carve and he has a go at her. It then transpires that he is already mad at her because she was trying to put her phone on to charge and he couldn’t wait four seconds for the bedclothes and so he has a paddy, doesn’t say anything, stews on it for 20-odd hours abs then brings it up in the wake of ruining a nice family activity.

He may be stressed with work OP, but you’ve just had a baby. Walking on eggshells around him forever will be no fun, living with someone who dictates everything is no fun.

Somebody posted on another thread a while ago that men having an affair will start arguments over nothing and blame you for them to make themselves feel better.

This shouting is not normal- there must be an underlying issue. If it's not an affair then there's something else bothering him. It can't be about pumpkins and duvets unless he's completely unhinged.

@Globalpandemicmum

We’ve got a new baby so things have been a bit tense lately due to lack of sleep but generally we’re fine.

He was stressed with work last week and was the reason I was taking the kids pumpkin picking without him, so he had some down time. I went with my sister and her daughter.

To be honest, he was in a really good mood all weekend, like too good a mood for him and it did get mr wondering why there was such a contrast in his mood from the week. Maybe he was putting a front on and this is how his mask has slipped.

Was his good mood associated with his alone time whilst you picked pumpkins? What was he doing during that time...?

Nope. That’s not the reason. He’s fished about for a reason why it could possibly be your fault and settled on that.

@Rotundandhappy I feel sad too that people are having a go at OP for having her own pumpkin picked out - why shouldn't she have chosen one for herself? He sounds so unreasonable OP, over that and the duvet business from the night before. I can't believe he was still keeping that up the next day. Hope you're ok 😢

On another note, I had no idea that the farms were having people fill a narrow with pumpkins - that explains why the ones near us sold out so fast and a lot of people who had been planning to go at half term didn't get the chance! Seems a strange way to do it, because they do seem very popular and it's not as if they wouldn't sell them.