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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you regret not doing?

143 replies

jennie0412 · 26/10/2020 16:38

Just that really.

OP posts:
Saracen · 26/10/2020 23:26

I slightly regret not spending more of my life single. From the age of 16.5 I only had one decently long spell without a partner - and that was only a year.

I think I would have developed a better sense of who I was if I hadn't always felt I needed a man around in order to be complete.

VestaTilley · 26/10/2020 23:28

Never too late @jennie0412 - my DP’s old window cleaner got really good at dancing with his late wife- they ended up being paid to dance on cruise liners as pro’s in their 50s!

FinallyFluid · 26/10/2020 23:57

Well at this precise moment, the shitty teen in the next room. Grin

There is lots, (mostly related to my father and his disregard for me, and my mothers failure to stand for me, and no she wasn't afraid of him, she just liked the easy life) but it is late, and if I open Pandora's box I will regret it, I am fully cognisant of what is in there, but I love my siblings, I tolerate my mother and I will not rock the boat until I feel empowered enough. My mother will probably die in the next year or so, I will spend some of my inheritance on therapy, and some on going all the places she aspired to. ( The least she can do for me)

On lesser note, I regret not pushing harder when I started with a sore throat and deep ear pain, (turned out to be throat cancer).

12in21 · 27/10/2020 00:19

@jennie0412

I'm so sorry for the people who have experienced losses SadFlowers

Mine is that I have never joined any dance or activity club, and so while I would absoloutely love to dance and become a professional in the future, I probably never could Sad

You’re only 16 though right?
jennie0412 · 27/10/2020 00:22

Around that age, yes!
Most dancers ive seen who are real professionals started when they were very young though, and I've never done that, I just feel like I could be so far ahead if i had started when I was a child Sad

OP posts:
MrsAvocet · 27/10/2020 01:20

I regret never taking any "time out". I went straight from school to university and straight from university into a job with a very prescribed career path,professional exams etc. Then I met my husband, and in no time I was married with a mortgage and then children so it was impossible to get off the tread mill by then. I'm envious of friends who took a year or more out at some point, travelled and just did things for themselves for a while. If I had my time again I would like to be a bit less sensible, take a few more risks and see more of the world when I was young.
I also regret not going to see my Mum immediately when my Dad called to tell me that she was very ill. I was due to visit the next day anyway and he told me to get a good night's sleep as I had a long drive next day. She died in the night. I still regret not seeing her, even though she probably wouldn't have known I was there.Sad

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 27/10/2020 02:12

I wish I had moved to Italy when I was young free and single to improve my language skills. I'm half italian and I could have taught English maybe and just enjoyed spending time there with my family and become fluent in Italian. Now I'm married with a 1 year old and pregnant and it seems that the chance for that is gone, but I have a dream of retiring there one day.

FlyNow · 27/10/2020 02:18

Not being brave enough to pack a bag and explore the world before I had responsibilities

Yep, this one for me as well.

I also regret not changing my job and career before I had kids. Of course I still could but it's harder to justify the loss of income.

Graphista · 27/10/2020 02:23

Not getting help for my ocd FAR sooner than I did. I was terrified of the stigma associated with mental illness and feared the effects on career etc

I wasn't wrong about the stigma but I shouldn't have let it stop me in all likelihood I'd be doing much better now which inc not working at all!

Really pissed off at myself for that but also at the stigma in society re mental illness

@TheSandman I won't say you're wrong to regret that but as a bi woman who nursed aids patients back in the day I remember what it was like and understand that fear. It was a really scary time for gay men in many ways.

Bit of an odd one - I had the opportunity to become a kids tv presenter at one point and declined due to lack of confidence. Totally ridiculous as I'd probably have been good at it or at least could have quit if I wasn't.

@DaddysGirlforlife what age are you what's your situation? I did uni twice as a mature student inc as a single mum it's rarely "too late" to go back into education

I'm going to take an access course then go on and finally get to do a degree. excellent

@Nannewnannew so sorry for your loss, I'm sure it's more complex than you think, you can't blame yourself for something you had no real power over

Thanks to all who's regrets relate to losses

If it's any consolation I worked in elderly care for several years and in my experience generally speaking people knew if they were loved and understood that their loved ones had other commitments/lives to lead, I'm convinced some of them chose to die alone to spare their loved ones that experience, which isn't always totally peaceful depending on the condition concerned, and sometimes I think it was so no particular relative would feel "left out" if it was logistically impossible for them to get there and this maintained good relationships among those left behind. I know that may sound odd but it's what I've witnessed.

LilMsSunshine · 27/10/2020 03:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dopenguinsdance · 28/10/2020 09:24

Not standing up to my DM & DS, still constantly seeking their approval but always being shut out - except when I'm bailing them out of whatever shit they've got themselves into. Failing to break the cycle with my DN.

DorisDances · 28/10/2020 10:50

Ever started dieting - totally messed up my metabolism

DynamoKev · 28/10/2020 10:51

I regret not having the self control not to spend so many hours of my life arguing with twats on the internet.

NoraEphronsBoltintheNeck · 31/10/2020 16:31

@Thankssomuch

I wish now that I’d recognised the emotional impact of having a sibling who spent most of their formative years ( and mine) in a top security mental hospital as a result of committing violent crimes. In those days other people just blamed the family (us) and we muddled through our lives trying to keep it together at school, and work, without support or understanding. I’ve always felt slightly detached from others as an adult. This is nothing compared to the experiences of others on this thread, I realise.
Everyone's struggles are different but that sounds like a very difficult situation for you Thanks
Ughmaybenot · 31/10/2020 16:36

Flowers for all these sad stories.

I don’t really have any tbh. I mean, yes, I could’ve done things differently along the way, yes I’ve had an extremely abusive and traumatic past relationship, and yes I have hurt people in the past but everything has led me to where I am today, and where I am today is pretty fantastic. Life is rather lovely.

This thread has, however, prompted me to ring my lovely nana 💗

FangsForTheMemory · 31/10/2020 16:36

Not walking out of my second job at the end of a fortnight. It was obvious it was a shit job and a shit employee but on paper the job of my dreams so I stayed and the effect on my mental health was devastating.

Ideasplease322 · 31/10/2020 16:59

I turned down a promotion years ago. Had all sorts of valid reasons at the time, but now I realise I was scared that I couldn’t do it and I thought I was too young and inexperienced.

Took me years to get the opportunity again. Cost me a fortune!

TinkersRucksack · 31/10/2020 17:29

Changing my chemistry teacher in 1988.
If I'd had the other chemistry teacher in my school (who taught me up to GCSE) then I wouldn't have lost my love for the subject, so I would have done it at A level then I might have studied medicine and become a GP.

LlamaofDrama · 31/10/2020 17:33

I wish I had lived abroad when I was younger. I might do it when I've retired, but I won't be able to do it before, and I really wish I had.

ProfessorRadcliffeEmerson · 31/10/2020 17:35

Not going to the theatre, opera and ballet every single week last winter!

uglyface · 31/10/2020 17:39

I regret not starting TTC until I was 27/DP was in his early 40s. I wanted to spend my early 20s getting my career established.

It took us four years and IVF to conceive DD, and now with Covid delay we’re having to face facts that he’d now be pushing 50 if we managed it again and that’s too old.

I really didn’t want DD to be an only, and I’ll regret putting my career first until the day I die.

uglyface · 31/10/2020 17:39

*five years

northernmonkeys100 · 31/10/2020 17:49

Do you want absolutely fucking heart breaking? Because I can give you that but honestly my regrets tear me apart and will one day end my life.

MiddlesexGirl · 31/10/2020 17:52

@Nannewnannew

I regret not going to pick my son up when he asked me to, he may still be alive today if I had. The guilt will stay with me forever.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Treaclepie19 · 31/10/2020 17:56

Wish I'd seen All Time Low at Slam Dunk fest last year.

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