FFS. I'm such a clumsy arse.

[Sparklfairy]

I'm sitting here pretending to WFH with bruised ribs. They felt a bit better yesterday but now they're really painful again. I'm sulking because it was such a stupid way for it to happen. I got out of the bath but had forgotten to let the plug out first, so leaned in, my (wet) foot slipped out from under me and my left side came crashing into the side of the bath, which is quite wide with a little shelf too.

I'm now sporting a cracking bruise on my leg the size of my entire hand, and two 50p sized adjacent bruises on my ribs. Shamefully I've cracked/broken ribs on more than one occasion so I know they're no worse than bruised, but it's still fucking sore!

I took painkillers and from experience knew that a hot water bottle would help. Obviously I boiled the kettle and poured the boiling water all over both my hands instead of actually in the bottle

A couple of weeks ago I slipped on some wet leaves and went flying onto my back, bruising the other side of my ribs

A couple of weeks before that I managed to get my thumb caught in a door handle as I pulled it open but didn't stop moving forward. My forearm tried to bend around the door so I was left with some very strange bruises and sprained my thumb.

I'm in my early thirties and supposedly in my prime (!) so recover from my stupidity fairly quickly. It has occurred to me though that as I get older I won't be so lucky. I'll probably 'have a fall' break a hip or something soon AIBU to stay in bed where it's safe forever?? I'm so fed up!

Awkwardly taken pic of my leg bruise with my hand for scale

I don't think I've ever had a day in my 52 years without a self-inflicted bruise or lump. Suspected dyspraxia suggested by doctor. I'm particularly talented at whacking the top of my head - considering I'm 5'2" it's surprising how many things I can find to bash my head on.

Ouch! I've got a lovely bruise on my arm from walking into a door, which was minding it's own business, if that helps?

I managed to gain a massively infected foot from using a foot peel... Does that count?

And three weeks before that i broke my toe when I kicked the shower basin because my foot forgot to stop walking when I reached it

@Marshmallow91

I managed to gain a massively infected foot from using a foot peel... Does that count?

And three weeks before that i broke my toe when I kicked the shower basin because my foot forgot to stop walking when I reached it

I'm sorry @Marshmallow91 but that is grim! I bet that was so painful!

I'm glad I'm not the only clumsy one. My particular talent is for falling upstairs usually. Haven't done that in a while though.

I got a beautiful bruise down my left leg a couple of months ago from getting my foot stuck in a wooden pallet and hitting the wall. My knee still hurts from that!

It is grim! Bloody painful too, was on antibiotics for two weeks because of that bastard... Though my feet were pretty smooth afterwards so it's not all bad 😂

My showpiece injury is always catching my arm on the bloody door handle. I've always got bruises there.

How did you manage to hold the kettle and pour the water over both hands???

I've done the whole wet leaf thing and ended up with an infection in the graze but somehow the tights were intact. I don't understand. I'm always doing the walking up or down stairs in the dark and expecting another step. And last night walked up in the dark holding laptop tripped and fell over hitting my ribs on a chair in the bedroom but miraculously kept the laptop aloft. All my husband said was is the laptop ok.!

Awww hope you feel better soon. I've always been clumsy. A year or two of yoga and Ive improved slightly. I haven't turned into an elegant ballerina overnight but the clumsy tumbles and "how on earth did you drop a spoon you were CLUTCHING in your fist?!" type of incidents are fewer

Also I tend yo be more clumsy when my period is due. Any one else notice this?

I had a bruise the size of the palm of my hand just above my elbow a couple of weeks ago. I didn't even know about it until a girl at work ask wtf had happened. I said I had no idea and then someone else said it looks like a door handle, when I remembered that yes, actually I did walk into the door and that must have been where it came from.

Stuff like that happens to me so often I don't even register it anymore.

Dp used to ask if I was okay after my daily exclamation of 'ouch! I'm okay!'.

Now he only asks if there's a thud and no ouch.

Have also lost count of the number of eggs I have given myself on the head from open cupboard doors, despite being very very short.

People would think I was a battered wife if they didn't know me. I also can't catch, have no balance, have no sense of distance and quite often trip over my own feet.

Well no more baths for you op, or anything else for that matter. Find a nice deep armchair... And stay there, stay. After a while you will probably attract flies and people won't want to socialize much because of the erhm odor, but you will be safe from yourself op, safe .

(Those things usually happen when you don't think, just get on with it. So sitting in your chair practice thinking before doing).

Hope you feel better soon .

@worldweary45

How did you manage to hold the kettle and pour the water over both hands???

I was pouring it okay and then it kind of spat back at me presumably due to trapped air and I kind of did an impulse spasm in shock and just threw the rest of the water all over myself

I hope both your injuries feel better soon

Now he only asks if there's a thud and no ouch.

That really made me laugh It's like you can almost hear the eyeroll when you're a frequent collider-with-inanimate-objects and partners just think 'oh, she's at it again'

@notawittyname1954 you sacrificed yourself to save the laptop, be proud! My DM did the same when my DSis was a toddler in her arms. Tripped over the telephone line and broke her toe, but DSis remained in her arms

I reached into the oven to pull the Yorkshire pudding tin out with my bare hands yesterday standard for me.

@OrangeGinLemonFanta oh I hate that. So easy to forget

@Sparklfairy Thank you. I would never have been forgiven

@Thingsdogetbetter

I don't think I've ever had a day in my 52 years without a self-inflicted bruise or lump. Suspected dyspraxia suggested by doctor. I'm particularly talented at whacking the top of my head - considering I'm 5'2" it's surprising how many things I can find to bash my head on.

Funny you say dyspraxia as it's crossed my mind. I had a head injury a few years ago in a car crash and my 'clumsiness' seems to have got worse since then. I also get vertigo at the top of stairs and have to really concentrate on walking down them Escalators are horrendous, but I'm never sure if the above is just a case of overthinking something really simple and then completely forgetting how to do it!

@Marshmallow91 have you got antibiotics for that?

In August I walked over a wonky paving slab and tore the ligaments in my ankle. It was black and blue and the size of a grapefruit, and I had to hobble around in a huge moon boot for a month. It still aches if left in one position for too long.

Sadly, it's not the first time I've done that - it was even the same ankle! Five years ago I tripped over absolutely nothing while on holiday in Paris, had to be lifted to my feet by strangers and was in agony for about six weeks afterwards.

Both times I was sober as a judge and wearing sensible trainers

I have dyspraxia, terrified of heights and escalators and constantly covered in bruises too.

Oh my gosh, I have found my people! Honestly, I am constantly hitting my head on something, or walking into door frames or walls that have never moved in the years they have been there.

I successfully fell down the stairs the other week, which has been a long time coming as I frequently feel my feet slip on them. DP doesn't seem to have this problem.

He only bothers to ask if I'm okay now if I make a really big song and dance of being in pain. Otherwise, he sort of glances at me and gets on with his life.

My dh's response to "ouch. Ffs" is "what have you done now?". I think his sympathy has run out.

Everytime I go to the understairs cupboard with a low door, he says "mind your head". And I go "I know, I know, I'm not an idio.......ouch". Lol

I tripped 7 weeks ago walking to work after leaving home 5 minutes before , and snapped a tendon in my ankle 🤦🏽‍♀️, which still hasn't completely recovered . I've previously walked into lampposts multiple times , been badly bruised because of tripping over a slide in a playground and many more accidents have been had lol.