FFS. I'm such a clumsy arse.

[Sparklfairy]

I'm sitting here pretending to WFH with bruised ribs. They felt a bit better yesterday but now they're really painful again. I'm sulking because it was such a stupid way for it to happen. I got out of the bath but had forgotten to let the plug out first, so leaned in, my (wet) foot slipped out from under me and my left side came crashing into the side of the bath, which is quite wide with a little shelf too.

I'm now sporting a cracking bruise on my leg the size of my entire hand, and two 50p sized adjacent bruises on my ribs. Shamefully I've cracked/broken ribs on more than one occasion so I know they're no worse than bruised, but it's still fucking sore!

I took painkillers and from experience knew that a hot water bottle would help. Obviously I boiled the kettle and poured the boiling water all over both my hands instead of actually in the bottle

A couple of weeks ago I slipped on some wet leaves and went flying onto my back, bruising the other side of my ribs

A couple of weeks before that I managed to get my thumb caught in a door handle as I pulled it open but didn't stop moving forward. My forearm tried to bend around the door so I was left with some very strange bruises and sprained my thumb.

I'm in my early thirties and supposedly in my prime (!) so recover from my stupidity fairly quickly. It has occurred to me though that as I get older I won't be so lucky. I'll probably 'have a fall' break a hip or something soon AIBU to stay in bed where it's safe forever?? I'm so fed up!

I walked into the end of our bed in the dark (standard) but I hit it so hard I actually moved the bed. (King sized and with my dh asleep in it) It woke him up, that's how bad it was. The actual bruise has gone but it's left a mark on my leg that still hurts if I press it, and it was months ago.
I can tell what I've walked into by where they are: top of leg- stair gate, halfway down- bed, by my knee- coffee table. Anything else is a mystery usually.

I lost count how many bruises I got on my thighs from child safety gates.

I walked into the end of our bed in the dark (standard) but I hit it so hard I actually moved the bed. (King sized and with my dh asleep in it) It woke him up, that's how bad it was.

I mean... You can't get much more impressive than that

Just realised my clumsiness can be expensive as well as painful. In the space of two years I had to buy four phones. The first was on my lap in the passenger seat. I got out of the car and it fell on the ground, intact. I looked at it, considered picking it up, and then stood on it. I have no idea what I was thinking.

Second was dropped on concrete and immediately died. Third was in my back pocket and fell out down the toilet in Sainsbury's. I'm now on the fourth and the screen has started to go and I have no idea why,and it's months old.

The first was on my lap in the passenger seat. I got out of the car and it fell on the ground, intact. I looked at it, considered picking it up, and then stood on it. I have no idea what I was thinking.

I genuinely laughed out loud at this. I can imagine the 'What the actual...' going through my head if I had done the same thing. Like my brain is too slow to register that I probably need to deal with the first clumsy incident before moving on to the next one.

These were the pictures of my leg after I slipped down 4 wet steps in a restaurant going to the bathroom mid meal - lunchtime on a week day a day had not had a drop of alcohol!! I still had the bruises 6 weeks later and had to go and have an x-ray to make sure I’d not chipped the bone!!

Also managed to drop a wooden cutlery drawer liner (complete with cutlery!!) on my foot when moving house a few years ago and massively bruised my foot - it looked almost as impressive as those bruises!!

Lastly, during another move, I managed to drop a carving fork and impaled my toe leaving a deep prong shaped hole in it.

All these injuries were the same foot/leg and that’s my dominant, so supposedly stronger, side!!

@JaneJeffer it was a few months ago now and yeah I was on strong antibiotics for two weeks

Over this past weekend I have trodden on a piece of broken glass, dropped a steam cleaner on my toe, shut my finger in a gate and trapped my finger when moving the washing machine.

I definitely think staying in bed is the right thing to do! You have my sympathy.

Was putting up wood panelling yesterday. Just to clarify, this was in a shed, this wasn't a dubious interior design decision. I managed to hammer thwack my thumb four times, which is still throbbing now, and drop the hammer on my shoulder when doing the ceiling - lucky it wasn't my face to be honest!

Stupidly, then did my nails last night, in a fetching shade of 'bruise' (not the real colour name!) - which I felt was appropriate! 😂

I dropped an electric sander on my eye. The bruising was spectacular. I’m glad I have cosmetic cover foundation, although the kids at work all still asked what was wrong!

I used to fall over a lot, now I walk like a very old person so as to avoid that. I’ve had so many A&E visits for suspected broken bones/torn ligaments. My latest was when I walked into the sticking out corner of a wall, full force in the dark. The ligaments all came away, I’m still very uncomfortable months later.

I did things like that a lot until I a) got my eyes tested again - the prescription had significantly changed, b) had physio for the now-permanently-wrecked ankle which involved a lot of wobble board work and then went on to do kickboxing training and c) changed the sort of shoes I wore to something more akin to barefoot soles (not the monkey feet toe ones, though - I have some standards).

The combination of being able to see things properly again, some core strength, being aware of where my body is in relation to the rest of the world (proprioception, I think it's called) and experience in actually finding my centre of gravity made those THUD....(groan) moments far less likely.

Well, until the arthritis took a hold of my hands and grip strength. Taking medication makes the dropping stuff slightly less likely only my phones now, even with proper cases on them.

My most embarrassing was i was shopping in poundland for some Christmas dec's for my desk at work, shoe wet from the rain and slipped from under me, sent me skidding on my stomach down the aisle into a box of stock. 2 very sore knees and a very bruised ego.
Kicked a door at work while rushing in flipflops, broken, dislocated little toe, about 8 months later kicked the sofa foot with same toe, ffs.
Painful i was opening the bathroom door after my shower and the bit the catches in the door frame scratched across my nipple.

Brigante. - jesus christ!

Also I tend yo be more clumsy when my period is due. Any one else notice this?

Me!

Oh and fell down 4 steps on holiday recently, totally sober and only 10 seconds after reminding my 4 year old to be careful because it was slippy, i missed the rough part your meant to walk on, stepped on the polished floor with wet feet and fell, bruised thigh and lower back.
This was also 10 minutes after my husband did the same thing on a different set of steps but he had 3 drinks in his hand, came back covered in chocolate milkshake and cocktails, i know i shouldn't but i did laugh

Glad it's better now @Marshmallow91 !

Oh my goodness @Brigante9 that's the worst black eye I've ever seen!!!

Epic bruising @Rememberallball - very impressive! I'm sorry to admit though the carving fork had me sniggering

I'm alternating between grimacing and grinning. These are great, though I'm sure they didn't feel it at the time!

@MyGodImSoYoung I still shake my head in disbelief at the memory. I vividly remember thinking, 'hmm, I've dropped my phone, that's lucky it didn't break!' then CRUNCH as I stepped right on it with my full weight. What the fuck... I can only assume my brain completely short circuited, or is actively working against me

I fell down from a ledge on to some plastic totes at work

Hurt like hell and it left me with some lovely bruising

That’s the top of my thigh and upper arm btw

@Sparklfairy It is interesting you say about a previous head injury. I am no doctor but I also had a head injury a while back and although I have always been relatively clumsy, since my minor head injury I don't think I have been a day without injury.

I whack my head on something most weeks (seriously haha) I always have cuts and bruises (often no idea where from) and my new trick is shoulder barging door frames haha.

My doctor has said I am deficient in B12 and this can cause clumsiness - fingers crossed it improves!

I think yours wins @Brigante9! That looks very sore

@Sparklfairy, as it made you laugh - here’s the after effects of the carving fork!! Funnily enough, I still wield that fork with bare feet 🤦‍♀️

@Rememberallball brilliant and you're hardcore to keep using the thing with bare feet!!

@anna114young it's weird isn't it? The crash was nearly 8 years ago now so it's hard to remember how clumsy I was before iyswim. I too get random bruises that I have no idea how they happened and frequently collide with door frames. I think it's a spatial awareness thing, or maybe I'm just fatter/wider than I think I am

I got out of the car and it fell on the ground, intact. I looked at it, considered picking it up, and then stood on it. I have no idea what I was thinking.

I did something similar the other day, out walking. I saw a huge bramble dangling down like a weird jungle thing, thought, "I need to avoid that" and promptly didn't, just walked into it. It snagged on my lower face in a few places, DH had to disentangle me from the bloody thing, especially as I was leaping around in agitation like a stricken gazelle. I'm not usually a drama llama about injuries, I'm actually used to random collisions with inanimate things, so no idea Maybe it was the being-caught sensation?

I often bump into doorways, gateposts, doors with handles, bouncing off them like a pinball - I just can't judge where they are properly, even when I thought I have. I have always struggled with throwing and catching as well, much to the disgust of PE teachers. (I suspect dyspraxia as it's often co-morbid with ASD and other neurological conditions - diagnosed in our family - although I guess it could exist in isolation.)

I got a new bed a few weeks ago. I have so many bruises from walking into it. It's SMALLER than the old one! I'd understand if it was bigger...

I’m in stitches at the phrase ‘stricken gazelle’ I love that!