FFS. I'm such a clumsy arse.

[Sparklfairy]

I'm sitting here pretending to WFH with bruised ribs. They felt a bit better yesterday but now they're really painful again. I'm sulking because it was such a stupid way for it to happen. I got out of the bath but had forgotten to let the plug out first, so leaned in, my (wet) foot slipped out from under me and my left side came crashing into the side of the bath, which is quite wide with a little shelf too.

I'm now sporting a cracking bruise on my leg the size of my entire hand, and two 50p sized adjacent bruises on my ribs. Shamefully I've cracked/broken ribs on more than one occasion so I know they're no worse than bruised, but it's still fucking sore!

I took painkillers and from experience knew that a hot water bottle would help. Obviously I boiled the kettle and poured the boiling water all over both my hands instead of actually in the bottle

A couple of weeks ago I slipped on some wet leaves and went flying onto my back, bruising the other side of my ribs

A couple of weeks before that I managed to get my thumb caught in a door handle as I pulled it open but didn't stop moving forward. My forearm tried to bend around the door so I was left with some very strange bruises and sprained my thumb.

I'm in my early thirties and supposedly in my prime (!) so recover from my stupidity fairly quickly. It has occurred to me though that as I get older I won't be so lucky. I'll probably 'have a fall' break a hip or something soon AIBU to stay in bed where it's safe forever?? I'm so fed up!

i severed a finger and degloved two others after getting my hand caught on a metal fence. i also (separate incident!) smashed my collarbone to pieces walking into a door frame. had 8 surgeries on it and still have a lot of metal in my shoulder.

i also badly tore the ligaments in my ankle whilst moving house. i just walked it off. 4 years later it needs surgery. i regularly trip over my own feet and misjudge steps a LOT.

as a child i was routinely boinked in the face by netballs/tennis balls/rounders balls.

i’m claiming dyspraxia.

What made it worse was lying on my right side, so loads of blood pooled round my non-damaged eye. I ended up with 2 equally black eyes and a day being checked out in A&E. So annoying!

@Curlygirl06 we have had the same bed frame for 10 years. I walk into the corner of it at least every other night. I always have bruises on my upper thighs

My people!
Haha I love all you fellow clumsies!

A while ago I was chuffed I'd left work early and decided to use the half an hour to go shopping. Picked up a few groceries and went home. Soon my dh and the kids arrived and I had a great idea, hubby can take the kids to the park whilst I make the dinner.
So dutiful husband, takes the kids and leaves.
I look round and decide to unpack the shopping. And - still no idea how - I bend down to get the shopping out of the bag and on my way up, whacked my head on the kitchen door handle. Cue loads of blood, tears and frantic, barely understandable phone call to dh to come straight back.
He made the dinner that night whilst I sat on the sofa embarrassed and feeling sorry for myself with dh hovering around asking me again and again if I wanted to go to the hospital.

14:05Sparklfairy

I walked into the end of our bed in the dark (standard) but I hit it so hard I actually moved the bed. (King sized and with my dh asleep in it) It woke him up, that's how bad it was.

I mean... You can't get much more impressive than that shock

Why thank you, it's about time my skills at walking into EVERYTHING is appreciated!

[quote andannabegins]@Curlygirl06 we have had the same bed frame for 10 years. I walk into the corner of it at least every other night. I always have bruises on my upper thighs [/quote]
Same here, bed has been in the same space for ever, I walk into it in daylight as well!

If it's any consolation I fell out of the loft because I forgot to put the safety on the ladder I fell flat on my back completely winded

I was leaping around in agitation like a stricken gazelle. I'm not usually a drama llama about injuries, I'm actually used to random collisions with inanimate things, so no idea confused Maybe it was the being-caught sensation? @TheNoodlesIncident stricken gazelle although I think you might be right, that same panicked wildlife feel when they're snared in a trap? That must have been a sight to watch you flailing about and your DP trying to extricate you ... from a deadly branch

@fucknuckle NOPE. I'm too squeamish to read yours properly so I kind of squinted my way through your post while wincing. Sorry

@freeingNora that is a beauty. I might screenshot your post and keep it as an excuse to avoid any kind of ladder for the rest of my life!

Oh I like all of you. Well OP I am you but with 25years plus. Erm it hurts more and there is a bit of arthritis but on balance I do better than my peers when they go down!

I have found my people ... and promptly tripped over them

I have always been clumsy, and have really poor hand-eye co-ordination. My balance is none too good either. I was that kid who always had scabby knees and bruises all down my shins, and I'm not much better now.

In less than 40 years, I have broken my wrist 3 times, head of ulna x2, head of radius x 1, two ribs, 2 fingers (falling downstairs in the pub lol), torn my anterior cruciate ligament, my medial ligament, and a ligament in my ankle, dislocated a shoulder, had concussion several times (one of which was so bad they kept me in hospital for 24 hours for observation) and had to and get facial or head wounds glued/stitched/steristripped more times than I care to remember.

Some of my best accidents have resulted in no injuries at all, like the time I was painting the kitchen ceiling, forgot I was standing on the worktop and stepped back to see if I'd missed a bit, or the time I got a black eye when the bathroom light cord flicked into it (because I was trying to turn the light off with my teeth because my hands were full - wtf?).

Now I'm old I have a "dodgy" knee and am waiting to see a consultant. It gives way without warning, often when I'm coming downstairs. I almost faceplanted the front garden a few weeks ago, but my huge tits broke my fall (landing on your tits hurts though, I don't recommend it).

I have always got bruises and half the time I have no idea how I got them. DP is amazed by all this. We have known each other for 34 years, and in all that time, I've known him to fall over just twice. He's ridden motorbikes for 44 years, including 13 years as a motorbike courier, and he hasn't even had a spill on a bike for 43 years.

Personally, I think I have his share of accidents, and that if he had more, I would have fewer. I've tried to persuade him to test this theory by throwing himself down the stairs, but he is strangely unkeen.

@QualityFeet

Oh I like all of you. Well OP I am you but with 25years plus. Erm it hurts more and there is a bit of arthritis but on balance I do better than my peers when they go down!

'On balance' if only!

@LakieLady the worktop one had me my DM does shit like that all the time, climbs up on the worktops to clean on top and my heart is in my mouth because I know that I would fall off and break my neck but she's always fine

@LakieLady I feel awful, but I couldn't help giggling at your post. Just the stepping off the kitchen worktop... so me! I'm also impressed with your very long list of injuries; I thought mine was impressive, but I now see that I cannot hold a candle to you.

My DSC are really into 'parkour'. The horror! I can't even walk on a flat pavement without twisting my ankle and buckling over sideways in the process. Was walking to a restaurant once, me, DP and the two DSC. I literally fell into a ditch that no one else had even noticed or would have given a second thought to. They all thought it was hilarious. DP had to assist me to the restaurant though, so hopefully it got him back!

Ha you are right - without balance ... I fall quite well and I believe this is because I never think I to react. My sister went down once and snapped her wrist. No skills

@MyGodImSoYoung, some of the injuries happened in the same incident, to be fair. The radius and ulna fractures both happened at the same time as the broken wrists, for example.

@LakieLady Together or not, still an impressive number of injuries!

Hey fellow clumsy people! I fell over while giving ds (aged 2) a piggy back, knocked myself out and had to have my face cleaned out in A&E with a toothbrush. Luckily ds was ok.

While heavily pregnant with ds 1 I went for a floatation tank, panicked when it started to close and threw myself across a tiled floor, sliding along until I hitting the wall with my head.

I also gave myself concussion by swimming into the end of a pool.

Sometimes it feels like an ostentatious form of self-harm 😂

I forgot the time I had a conversation on the stairs at work, turned to go and fell down the whole fucking lot.

I've got one from this weekend. Massively outing as I've posted these photos on Facebook

Away in a cottage at weekend and 14m old DS kept climbing on the glass topped coffee table and sitting on it. There's an accident waiting to happen I thought (!). Decided to move it not realising the glass wasn't fixed in. Upended the table and it slid out and hit my foot. First photo is 5 minutes after I did it and second photos are 48 hours later

The really weird thing about those photos is that they are very similar to ones I took in a different holiday cottage after moving a table from a different toddler. The I better move this before it causes an accident is a while subset of disasters

I broke a bone too - it still hurts if I press where it landed

And lakielady have done the overnight for obs a few times after knocking self unconscious and having concussion.

I still wonder how my staircase, that has never changed, sometimes seems to grow or shrink with the extra or missing step causing chaos.

I love steri strips though - the hours they have saved me.

@QualityFeet

The really weird thing about those photos is that they are very similar to ones I took in a different holiday cottage after moving a table from a different toddler. The I better move this before it causes an accident is a while subset of disasters

It might have been the same holiday cottage

😂😂 Scotland?

Am in another cottage at the moment and as we moved in was happy that I don’t have to toddler proof anymore😂

@QualityFeet

😂😂 Scotland?

Haha no Derbyshire! I know these places look nice with all the nick nacks but we literally had to move everything. Good job we had an extra hour on Sunday morning to put it all back