I'm sitting here pretending to WFH with bruised ribs. They felt a bit better yesterday but now they're really painful again. I'm sulking because it was such a stupid way for it to happen. I got out of the bath but had forgotten to let the plug out first, so leaned in, my (wet) foot slipped out from under me and my left side came crashing into the side of the bath, which is quite wide with a little shelf too.
I'm now sporting a cracking bruise on my leg the size of my entire hand, and two 50p sized adjacent bruises on my ribs. Shamefully I've cracked/broken ribs on more than one occasion so I know they're no worse than bruised, but it's still fucking sore!
I took painkillers and from experience knew that a hot water bottle would help. Obviously I boiled the kettle and poured the boiling water all over both my hands instead of actually in the bottle 
A couple of weeks ago I slipped on some wet leaves and went flying onto my back, bruising the other side of my ribs 
A couple of weeks before that I managed to get my thumb caught in a door handle as I pulled it open but didn't stop moving forward. My forearm tried to bend around the door so I was left with some very strange bruises and sprained my thumb.
I'm in my early thirties and supposedly in my prime (!) so recover from my stupidity fairly quickly. It has occurred to me though that as I get older I won't be so lucky. I'll probably 'have a fall' break a hip or something soon AIBU to stay in bed where it's safe forever?? I'm so fed up!