18yo DS and job hunting.

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

Genuinely don’t know if I’m expecting too much here.

He’s at college and has a gf who lives nearly an hour’s drive away from us, but closer to college. We pay for a bus/train pass to college, in excess of £100 a month. He gets £15 a month pocket money.

He spends most weekends at his GFs house. We facilitate this by giving him lifts or paying for the train. I told him after this morning’s request for a lift home that he needs to get a job.

Which brings me to my AIBU. He says he’s applying, and looking for new jobs once a week. He reckons there are no jobs.

I think he should be applying for absolutely everything, and looking everyday. And I don’t believe there are no jobs.

For context I was recently made redundant from my retail job and spent six weeks looking for work, I applied for nearly 50 jobs and only had 3 interviews. I now work in a pub and most of my colleagues are his age. I know the job market is hard but I think he needs to prioritise it.

He’s only in college three days a week and does very little (nothing) around the house in the way of chores. He a pleasant lad and no trouble but I’m really worried about his work ethic.

WIBU to set a deadline for him to get a job or we just stop bankrolling him? I’d also like him to learn to drive (he has lessons banked since his 17th birthday which have never been booked) but without a job that would be pointless as he’s got no way to pay for petrol or insurance.

I left home at 15 so I have rubbish boundaries about parenting older teenagers and I would appreciate any advice here.

Dh earns well so it’s not about affordability btw. Just that I don’t know how much bankrolling of him we should be doing now.

Surely the experiences he gets now will be important when he becomes a uni student. Is everyone here suggesting the OP fork out for pretty much everything he wants because they can afford it, going to pay for their own kids until they've left uni just because they're a full time student?

I only graduated my undergrad in 2016 and received nothing in the way of financial support from family unless I was really hard up (unexpected bill or travel etc). Everyone I knew in my year at uni had a part time job, even those supported by parents and they'd all had jobs in their teens. Getting a job as a teen will make it easier to find a job as a student be it bar work or supermarkets - supermarket jobs are actually very convenient as you can normally transfer between sites. You can also work at the site nearer home over holidays like Xmas and summer when you're still expected to fulfill your contracted hours.

I think people who don't expect their teens to volunteer or get a job during a-levels are doing them a disservice. How will they learn to juggle working and completing their education if they've never done it before? It's a learning curve, and you learn the importance of money. Those overpriced trainers you wanted your mum to buy now don't seem worth it when it's your money.

I don't think it needs to be a big job with lots of hours, maybe even just an evening a week or the weekend. It's more about the effort and skills than hours or money. Keep checking the supermarket websites, I imagine evenings and weekends are harder to fill.

£15 a month pocket money? Are you serious? I can't imagine how he manages on that.

It's not easy to get jobs at the moment. Lots of youngsters don't do chores around the house, he could probably manage a couple if you and husband insisted.

I’ve just graduated with a first class degree and I’m finding it hard to find work. Don’t be so hard on him. It really is unprecedented times.

Has he only just turned eighteen or is he doing longer course? My mum and dad told me and my sister that they would pay for everything until we left education, working on the basis that you do two years of A levels or BTEC so finish the June or July after you turn eighteen. That said they weren't paying out a hundred pounds a month transport. He should keep looking and perhaps you cuod help him, if you've been paying over 1200 pounds a year in transport you might as well have paid for car insurance but at this stage I'd prioritise him getting work.

@Undergrad20 well you'll definitely find it hard if you dont actually apply for any jobs. That's the OPs point, he's not really maki g any effort.

I wasn’t even allowed to get a job till I’d finished my A Levels. Then the deal was that I’d find a job to pay my uni fees (back when fees were £1000 a year). I managed it. It is not a total given that unless you started working at 14 you will never get a job because everyone will see you as unhireable.

I also live in the south east and many of my friends have fallen into the gap of no furlough, no SEISS and not eligible for UC. And even they are finding it hard to get work. Huge swathes of job markets are out of action at the moment making it very hard to find employment in areas where normally hospitality and entertainment are big employers. And it sounds like the OP is ‘rural south’ not ‘London South’ if it takes that long to get anywhere which limits things even further.

I think there’s a balance between a young person learning personal responsibility and having to just fend for themselves.

There is work, but it's not glamorous. Suggestions

Care agency - every agency near you will be desperate for staff
Joining the local hospital bank to fo switchboard or reception work
Post Office
Argos
Supermarket
Local council may be doing the kick-start scheme

If those are not working out he can volunteer with

Food bank
Scouts
V volunteer scheme
Nhs volunteer responders
Local council volunteer bureau will have more information

Even if he's not home to a set pattern he can easily help round the house by doing some of the more background stuff

cleaning the bathrooms twice a week
Hoover the living room and stairs weekly
Clean the fridge out monthly
Washing the house doors six monthly

I don't know why so many pp are banging on about op being unfair because the job market is tough at the moment.

I think most parents know whether they've got a hardworking child with a solid work ethic desperately applying for any available job, or a workshy child who's happy with the status quo and lacks motivation. OP said he's applied for four jobs in two years so how hard is he trying, really?

OP, it sounds like you've been quite fair up to now - money whenever he needs it and lifts everywhere. He has certainly been happy with it anyway. But you're right that things need to change and I hope your new plan works out.

Regarding driving lessons - sit down with him and get them booked today. While he's only at college three days a week it's an ideal time to learn - much harder if he waits until he's at university, and difficult to find a job without.

Normally I would be with you on this. But right now, there really aren’t much jobs out there and jobs that would normally be great for a student are getting lost left right and centre

Having been in a similar place with my daughter. We didn’t want her working during the peak of Covid as at that time didn’t really understand the virus (there was plenty of temp contracts for supermarkets at that time) hindsight I wish she had gone for one and she would have got a foot in the door. (& helped her mental heath)

Anyhow, she has been looking since June/July and finally has a little part time job but it took us both checking openings at the supermarkets/shops everyday online to find the right timings etc it has taken a while though & we live quite central with shopping centre & few large supermarkets. She didn’t even get to the interview stage for any of them she applied for bar one (she got)

It takes effort but he has to be willing. My daughter now learning to juggle college, boyfriend, friends, work & home chores. But she loving having her own money for independence & freedom.

The job market is dire at the moment. My DD (20) has a zero hours contract in a pub, her hours have dropped from 22 to 4 per week. I would encourage him to keep looking, but be realistic about what is actually available for teens with little to no work experience. As a PP said, volunteering could be a good way to gain some work experience and to instill some work ethic.

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets

He’s doing software engineering (which is what dh does) and is doing really well, university next year is very much on the cards.

I agree about starter jobs, I’m in one myself and appreciate that a lot of firms will choose the 40yo with exp over the 18yo without. That said, we are in the SE with minimal unemployment and he hasn’t bothered applying to Lidl, Aldi, Coop because he thinks they are shit jobs. So that’s the state of play regarding his ‘job hunting’.

Aldi pay good money - quite a bit over min wage! A friend's DS started working there during uni holidays and he manages the store now.

I'd try linking money with chores, make what you give him a bit more, but only if he pulls weight, or pay directly for specific jobs to be done.

Kids vary so much. My DNiece is really motivated by money because she likes nice things. She's at college, has 2 p/t jobs, an online business selling beauty stuff and helps out on her dad's building jobs when they need an extra pair of hands. She loves the building work and is becoming quite a proficient tiler.

She's saving like mad because she wants to buy a property to do up and rent out. She's not even 19 yet!

I have been helping DD to look for and apply for jobs online since the summer with no success yet despite lots of applications. I would not underestimate the time and effort involved in this as many companies now require a very lengthy application and registration process online, including some situational questions as part of the screening. It's not always just a simple case of 'send your cv'. DD is going to keep trying however given the current situation and the fact that she has already missed two weeks of college due to isolating my main priority is her education and work will follow at some point.

I think in normal circumstances you'd be right. At the moment though it's hard.

Make sure he does chores and jobs for you for anything extra to the £15. Don't just bankroll him for no effort on his part.