18yo DS and job hunting.

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

Genuinely don’t know if I’m expecting too much here.

He’s at college and has a gf who lives nearly an hour’s drive away from us, but closer to college. We pay for a bus/train pass to college, in excess of £100 a month. He gets £15 a month pocket money.

He spends most weekends at his GFs house. We facilitate this by giving him lifts or paying for the train. I told him after this morning’s request for a lift home that he needs to get a job.

Which brings me to my AIBU. He says he’s applying, and looking for new jobs once a week. He reckons there are no jobs.

I think he should be applying for absolutely everything, and looking everyday. And I don’t believe there are no jobs.

For context I was recently made redundant from my retail job and spent six weeks looking for work, I applied for nearly 50 jobs and only had 3 interviews. I now work in a pub and most of my colleagues are his age. I know the job market is hard but I think he needs to prioritise it.

He’s only in college three days a week and does very little (nothing) around the house in the way of chores. He a pleasant lad and no trouble but I’m really worried about his work ethic.

WIBU to set a deadline for him to get a job or we just stop bankrolling him? I’d also like him to learn to drive (he has lessons banked since his 17th birthday which have never been booked) but without a job that would be pointless as he’s got no way to pay for petrol or insurance.

I left home at 15 so I have rubbish boundaries about parenting older teenagers and I would appreciate any advice here.

Dh earns well so it’s not about affordability btw. Just that I don’t know how much bankrolling of him we should be doing now.

He doesn’t just get £15 a month! He’s had upwards of £50 in the last month for train fairs, a pizza, pack of beers etc.

The £15 is a hangover from when they were younger and at school, it’s a standing order. But we pay for everything.

I got a job at 14/15 (think I'd just turned 15) in my local chippy. It wasn't well paid (£3.40 an hour when I started) but it showed willing to my mum. We didn't have a lot of money and pocket money was still £1 a month (this was late 2000's) but she was more willing to give me money if I could show I was willing to work for it too. My sister on the other hand didn't get a job until she was at uni, and that was only because she was spending far more than she had coming in. My mum was of the option that I understand the value of money more than her and could therefore be trusted to actually pay her back if that was the agreement.
I think it's the work ethic that you want to focus on, not necessarily the amount he will earn so a little job in a shop locally would do. Maybe bar work, a takeaway or till work.

It took quite the effort to get my 16 year old a job this summer. I did sit down and make sure he had a CV and I kept an eye myself on what work there was - Indeed is useful and local job groups on Facebook (where he finally got a job). I did some of the screening questions for fast food places and supermarkets with him and we discussed answers and which one we felt was best and why so he could continue doing those logically. I also helped with some covering letters so he had a template.

I teach and am aware of a couple of 6th formers who now work ad hoc as carers as a result of lockdown and feeling they needed to do something (they are 18, however). Depending on what he wants to do, you may find relevant free courses on the likes of FutureLearn which may help give him an edge.

We live in a tourist area which has been very badly hit by covid but there is work out there. It just took some effort to get it.

Does he have saving you'd be will to let him spend? Let him spend his own money for a month and see if his values change? Give him all the money you would spend on him in a month (use this month as an example if it was a standard month), give it to him all in one go with a list of things he needs to budget for?
When he moves out (uni or leaving home), he'll need to be able to budget or he'll be coming to you to bail him out and pay his rent. It might be a chance to practice.

50 in the last mont is still not a lot.

• He doesn’t just get £15 a month! He’s had upwards of £50 in the last month for train fairs, a pizza, pack of beers etc.

The £15 is a hangover from when they were younger and at school, it’s a standing order. But we pay for everything.*
Up to you of course but I prefer to give them an allowance to cover everything and that helps them to budget
Mine got 50 a month under 16 then 100 16 to 18
I didn't want mine working when at school

When my son was in college he had a part time job at the local football club and McDonalds. McDonalds are always after people and are pretty good to work for.

He also had to help out at home, like taking bins out, emptying the dishwasher, hoovering etc.

It gives a good work ethic and at least a start on their CV.

I know my DS found it very difficult to get a PT job when he was in 6th form, and this was pre Covid Most places offering part time hours seem to want you to be available 24/7 and to be able to pick up the 3 shifts a week they are offering at any time during the week . DS never got anywhere with specifying particular times he was available, yet had no problem once he was available full time (again pre Covid). His GF has recently got a new job, having lost her previous one through Covid restrictions, and it's very much a case that she is told the hours she'll be working with an 'average 20 hours per week over a month' so some weeks more than others , and she can be asked to work any time between 6 and 10, 7 days a week .

@CherryPavlova

Instead of handing out money at his will, pay him to be your cleaner. Set an expectation of hours, results, payment and adhere to it.

Ie 4 hours a week at £12.50 will see his income rise to £50 a week. Much more reasonable than just handover cash for nothing. He can then budget and still seek alternative employment but starts to understand the world isn’t free. Obviously, you’d adjust the amount to what you usually hand over.

I did this @CherryPavlova when my son was unable to find PT employment in college . I figured it was a win for both of us

We are in the Christmas season, a great time for him to find a part time job.

But there are very few jobs around and slots of competition.

Also. Just had a thought whilst doing my own.

It’s not a money issue you said so get a dishwasher. No rows about washing up. 😊

We have a dishwasher! That’s why I got so fucking frustrated with the absolute scenes. I can clean up after a full roast dinner in less than ten minutes so the constant drama over it was really draining.

God that would drive me demented then!

I think you are being far too soft. For £15 a week he needs to help round the house (willing help, not moaning help) and tidy up after himself.

If he wants more than £15/week then he gets a job (bus pass and phone contract excepted).

both mine got jobs - DD 1 (17 at the time) in one supermarket in March - DD2 (16) in another one in Sept - both work about 20hrs a week - I no longer give them pocket money!

I wouldn't be giving him lifts

Get him to volunteer somewhere to get a good reference or encourage going into education. It’s extremely hard to get a job nowadays especially with needing qualifications In almost anything.

Get him to volunteer somewhere to get a good reference

or encourage going into education.

He is at college

My mum only ever gave me pocket money when I did additional chores, like give up a Friday night to babysit my brother or do an extra basket of ironing. When I was 14 she got me a weekend job with her cousin at the local market until I was 16, when I worked in Boots on a Saturday.

Me not having a job just wasn’t up for discussion. I know that it’s tricky to find work at this very moment but, in my opinion, he should have had a part-time job before Covid came along. Yes, parents should support their kids in education but the fact that he does nothing to pitch in and can’t earn a few bob to pay for a train ticket is just laziness. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want some extra cash to go out and do things!

Does he not get a bursary or student loan from college?

Is he actually looking for a job? I was in my local inner city shopping centre and saw 3 or 4 signs in shops looking for PT staff, and that was without really looking.

My DSD is 16, no experience and has just got a temp job at Schuh.

why would he get a loan or a bursary from college???????

why would he get a loan or a bursary from college???????

Because that’s how funding and college courses work?

Erm it really isn’t! There’s a bursary for vulnerable or low income students I think but he’s neither.

no it doesn't!

if you in higher education-ie uni you can get a student loan but not for further education which is what college is- like sixth form.

Vulnerable kids might be able to apply for a bursary to buy books but that's it

He can't just apply for everything, because a lot of jobs will not accommodate his classes.

And finding work now is far from easy anyway.

Tell him no more lifts, that's about it. And ofc make him pull his weight in the house.

@Prettybluepigeons

why would he get a loan or a bursary from college???????

DD got a student loan when she was at college.