Not texting back for hours

[M0wgl1]

Disclaimer: we are both single parents (shared custody) with long hours (weekday) jobs

New guy takes 12-24 hours to reply to my messages, weekdays + weekends. He instigates dates and asks questions but only ever messages very early morning or late evening. Am sure he is single. Is this unreasonable? Very very early stages of dating, like two/three weeks in.........

You're not owed a response - texts get responded to at their convenience. He's clearly not glued to his phone, which is a good thing down the line.

Depends what the message is really. If it’s something that needs a reply then unreasonable. If it’s just general chit chat not unreasonable.

Sounds like he's texting before or after work. I think I that's fair enough. Perhaps it's his way also of putting in boundaries... he's letting you know that he's not on call. That's ok too. He's an adult with responsibilities and a life to live.

I think that you need to chill a bit.

Have you posted this twice as I’m sure I read this somewhere earlier??

If it’s something that needs a reply then unreasonable if it's something urgent that needs a reply then you should call. It suggests nothing more than the fact that he isn't constantly glued to his phone. It could mean he's not massively into you, equally it could mean he's not that big on texting or he's trying to play it cool, or it could mean nothing.

I often take that long to respond to texts on the grounds I'm not glued to it. It can sit at the bottom of my bag for hours unnoticed. I often only glance at it once or twice a day.

This is me when I’m texting during dating, it really doesn’t means anything. I just like to respond when I’m in the mood for a proper chat—I wouldn’t let it hang for days, but I also wouldn’t respond immediately, especially as at the moment there’s not that much to talk about!

What sort of messages are you sending him that you are wanting responses to? Not everyone likes idle chit chat text messaging. I would stop sending him pointless texts and go by how attentive he is when we are together to rate if his interest in me.

Has he text back OP? I wouldn’t worry about it too much. He’s probably very busy with his job and his kids if he’s a single dad working long hours. Why stress?

I wouldn’t worry, with me between working and parenting you’d be lucky to get a response the same day.

Without trying to be rude, if you have only dated for 2 weeks and he has children, you do have to accept that you won’t be his number one priority. And that’s a good thing, it means that he has his priorities right and potentially will be a good match for your family.

This would be a dealbreaker for me, personally. When I was single and dating, poor texting (content, time to reply, etc) warranted instant dismissal. I’m very much a millennial - I don’t ring people. I also work mad hours. As such - particularly in the early stages - the majority of communication in any relationship is text based for me. I don’t consider only having conversations on the occasions when you see each other to be sufficient foundation for a relationship.

However, that’s me. I get that it’s completely different for other people. You just need to find someone who is on the same page. I’d talk to him about it. My now DP was awful at texting when we met, I explained that it was important to me and he immediately got better. We now live together, but still send each other random memes and silly musings, as we like to keep in touch during the day.

He is using his phone in a sensible, healthy and professional way.

Hmm tough one. I think it's great when people aren't glued to their phone, and some people can't use their phone at work during the day. However it's true that others ignore you on purpose. Are you feeling like if he was excited and in to it, he would be texting a lot more?

Some people just aren't wedded to their phones. At the weekend I might be gardening or redecorating and not look at my phone all day. I usually check mine while I cook supper.

Ask what his routine is and text him then. Or phone and speak to him.

I think you are coming across as a bit needy. You have only just met!!

Perhaps he is spending time with his child and not on his phone 24/7.

Or working as you said he does long hours.

Or maybe he isn't single at all and thats a safe time to reply to you.

For what it's worth, I ended a relationship because he was getting upset as I wasn't replying to him within his expected time frame. Refer to first two points as I am a single parent and work long hours. Texting non urgent messages wasn't a priority for me.

Ok so I have adhd and I often think of replies to texts but then don't actually text and send. Some people are crap communicators, just like me.p mol

24 hours is a long time, though.

@TulipCat

I think you are coming across as a bit needy. You have only just met!!

Totally agree

I’m going to a bit against the grain...

When I was 3 weeks or so into a relationship that was the giddy part where we’d be texting each other day - no actual point to the messages but just a way to be in contact with each other. Every time I head a beep to say I had received a text message I’d get a big smile on my face because I knew it would be him.

I get that some people are different but if your gut feeling is telling you that his apathy towards your messages is a sign he’s not overly interested then listen to it.

When I was 3 weeks or so into a relationship that was the giddy part where we’d be texting each other day

There may be quite a difference between 3 weeks into a relationship and 2-3 weeks into ‘seeing someone’. I think this all depends on how they both see the situation.

How old are you both? Texting / messaging as a way to chat is very millennial. My DH and most of my male friends (generally in our mid 40s and older) would text or message only for a very functional purpose, like where and when to meet.

Any carrying on a conversation with someone via text on your phone while you are with real live people (children, friends, work colleagues) is incredibly rude to the people you are with (disclaimer, though, I still do it with my denial friends, though. Trying to break that habit...)

You are being unreasonable. I dont check my phone for hours at a time unless someone rings. Messages get responded to when I'm ready.

Also a millennial, and this would bother me. Pretty much exactly what Buggrit said:

This would be a dealbreaker for me, personally. When I was single and dating, poor texting (content, time to reply, etc) warranted instant dismissal. I’m very much a millennial - I don’t ring people. I also work mad hours. As such - particularly in the early stages - the majority of communication in any relationship is text based for me. I don’t consider only having conversations on the occasions when you see each other to be sufficient foundation for a relationship.

I don't know anyone my age (of any gender) who would leave it 12 hours to reply to texts to someone you liked and had just started seeing. I did once date someone who said he just 'didn't really text' - I adjusted my expectations accordingly, but it was very much not the norm and I found myself losing that spark of interest quickly because we would see each other for a date every 7-10 days and barely talk in between.

My mum, however, would think this was perfectly sufficient and would be annoyed if someone tried to text more (but she hates technology) - so I think there's an age and personality thing in play.

You'd hate me, I leave my phone on charge in a different room all day at times and only see messages hours after they've come in.

However, I think if you are in a new relationship you would you have your phone glued to your side if you like your new partner. What does he do for a living? Maybe he can't text when he wants to?