Sleeping with a married man

[Singleuser65789]

So for full disclosure I know I am unreasonable, disgusting and one of the worst human beings out there. Any insult you throw at me I have already thought about it myself but feel free to throw them my way anyway.

So I am currently sleeping with a married man. We are in the same work place but we do not work closely together. He does not live with his wife most of the year due to work, he lives where we both work as do I. I have absolutely no feelings for this man. I do not wish to have a relationship with him, I do not wish to spend any time outside of work with him unless obviously we are sleeping together. The problem is the sex is absolutely amazing which is literally the only reason I haven’t stopped seeing him. I feel awful because I have been cheated on including by my ex-husband so I know what I am doing would destroy lives but I just can’t stop. I have absolutely no self control but at the same time I’ve completely detached myself from the situation and in my head it is purely sex. How do I stop this?

P.S I am not a troll or being in goady in any shape or form I just need a kick up the arse by someone else to tell me how disgusting I am.

There's no advice to give except, stop this right now and block all contact. End of discussion.

He is a sleaze ball emptying his balls while the wife is at home.
I couldn't do it the guilt will have an effect on you down the line especially if the DW discovers it.

This can be as bad as an addiction, you get a release of happy hormones and a high when you're having amazing sex with this guy. I think you need to look at it as an addiction and go from there really. Relate's website have some good advice or you may even benefit from seeing a counselor.

How would you feel if the wife found out and topped herself?
You never know what is happening in other people's lives.

@Childrenofthestones

How would you feel if the wife found out and topped herself? You never know what is happening in other people's lives.

dramatic much?

As much as I feel that the OP is wrong to be sleeping with a married man, threats that someone might kill themselves because of her is too much like emotional blackmail for me. I mean, the world is awash with men who threaten to kill themselves if women don't sleep with them. So women (as a group, not necessarily this individual woman) can't win.

If you really just want sex, there are other single men out there. Also vibrators.
If you have been disgusted with yourself, that is reason enough to stop, to not hate yourself.
I’d not block him or make him seem “forbidden” I’d just keep reminding myself of the unpleasant things about him and how I feel about myself when I remember I am doing something I wish I wasn’t.

OP, even if you don’t care about this man’s wife, you’re devaluing yourself by doing this. In future, if anyone cheats on you, you won’t have the moral high ground.

Sex isn't everything in life .Sex may be amazing with him because your guys doesn't have a relationship.As everything new and forbidden are exciting ,but because he is married the consequences will nock the doors now or later .
If you are here asking for advice you can't be that bad .
Life is made of choices .sometimes we have to make the right one and sometimes the right one isn't the one we want to make .

Apologies about my English as it is my 3 language I'm still learning .

You sound line a deeply impressive human being.

like

Sleeping with a married man once could be considered a mistake. Heat of the moment etc. Doing it over and over again is most certainly not a mistake. It’s selfish and calculated.

@Lockheart

These threads always bring out the internalised misogyny. "Close your legs", "homewrecker", "side piece".

The only homewrecker is the married man sleeping around. He's the cheater.

Yes, thank you! I feel a lot of the comments are very loaded

I disagree, complicit active agreement to be with someone committed to someone else makes you just as amoral.

Soz if you’ve never made a mistake.

It's not a mistake though, is it? It's deliberate and selfish. I would have maybe a tiny bit of sympathy if you were deeply emotionally attached to this man, but behaving this way just for a shag? Pathetic.

to the posters that have actually given me advice thank you, especially to @SoPanny. That thread was something I needed to read. To the posters that have thrown insults that is fine I knew that would happen and I accept them however to the poster who said to “close your legs” that is not a insult, that is just you reverting back to shitty way to try and insult a woman and it says more about your character than it does mine... Soz if you’ve never made a mistake.

I haven’t seen that post but you did say ‘any insult you throw at me I have already thought about it myself but feel free to throw them my way anyway’. Why say it if you don’t mean it? 🤷‍♀️

People like you always come looking for sympathy.

It is not a mistake.

It is a conscious decision made repeatedly in full knowledge of the facts to have sex repeatedly with a married man.

You can't even say it's because you are in love with him. Because you say you don't even have feelings for him.

So as others say, own it and admit you are doing because you don't actually give a shit that he's married and you just want to.

I don't really know what you want anyone to say? I'm so sorry you're the one having a tragic time whilst ruining a poor womans life.

whilst ruining a poor womans life.

To be fair, her husband is doing that. If it wasn't op it would be someone else.

Just stop doing what you're doing, having been cheated on yourself you should know better.

You say you just can’t stop, but that isn’t true, is it. You could stop. You could say no to meeting up. You could ignore any non-work texts, contact etc. But you are choosing to continue to have sex with him.

People like you always come looking for sympathy.

Exactly. Wants to be seen as sweet and innocent, almost forced into it by the evil man who is able to trick her into constantly shagging him. No, you're just not capable of saying no because you don't give a shit.

All is fair in love and war.
I'm not going to call you, it's him that's married.
As long as you don't treat it as anything other than a sordid affair and expect him to be faithful to you and his wife then that's ok.
I'd get an std check every time before you sleep with him, he's skanky.

How do you stop?

Do the decent thing and tell his wife.

I suppose when it’s out in the open and an innocent woman has been destroyed, the thrill of illicit, naughty sex might wear off for both of you or it might not?

I think you’ve got to be really honest with yourself and ask why you are doing this? You’ve called yourself some pretty horrible names so I imagine your self esteem isn’t that high? Does he make you feel attractive and wanted? Do you have some feelings? Even if it’s just the idea that you can sleep with him when you want and it makes you feel in control?

Saying it’s just because the sex is good is a bit weak. You can have good sex with someone else, or even yourself. So if you’re constantly ‘needing’ to go back to this guy sex can’t be the only reason.

If you really do want to stop, I guarantee you will. You just have to have enough resolution. You’ve been in his wife’s shoes, you know it’s shit. You know he’s a bastard. But if those emotional and moral grounds aren’t enough then I think you’re having yourself on saying it’s just about sex. Sex is really not a good enough reason to sleep with someone repeatedly, when they’re already married. Also stop saying you made a mistake. Once is a mistake. This is a choice.

He’s married. You’re not.
I have zero judgement about you and truth be told if you didn’t feel something off about what you’re doing, you wouldn’t be posting here. You’d carry on as you are.

Truth be told, you’re probably doing this because it’s easy. You’re getting a very real physical itch scratched. It’s easy, it’s convenient, it’s on tap. And most importantly you’re not having to make yourself emotionally available. Which is hard to do after divorce/ betrayal. The fact that it’s amazing sex is the kicker.

It’s your choice, you can continue this.
Or, you can decide to do some work on yourself and figure out what you want from life.

You won’t meet anyone else while you’re doing this.