“It’s me or the cat!”

[GonePenguin]

Ok, not quite that dramatic/black and white ultimatum.

Moved in with bf. The cat is an utter bastard. He was shy for a few weeks - got him to nuzzle me in the mornings (he wants feeding) - but now he stalks and ambushes me. He doesn’t do this to bf. It’s more awful the three or so times a day he gets his ‘crazy 10 minutes’. I walk into rooms and have to check under sofas and beds etc so I can at least prepare myself for him scrambling after me with his claws out.

I really hate the damn cat. It does nothing but take, take, take. He’s 3 and half Bengal. My bf is never home and barely pays it any attention, but claims he loves it because he was there for him during dark periods. This cat is an indoor cat. Bf asks me that I feed the cat...even if he’s at home too. Ummm, he managed before I came along. Further, I love dogs but don’t have one because I haven’t the time to take care of it...so why have I now got to take on a bastard cat? Bf says it’s more like doing him (bf) a favour.

I’ve said I won’t live somewhere I get attacked/have to be on edge. Bf says he’s just playing and it’s his breed. My feelings still stand. Bf obviously won’t train the cat to behave (he doesn’t even play with him)...I’ve taken to arming myself with a water spray, but I still feel a prisoner/hostage in my own home.

I’d feel bad for my bf if we got rid of the cat...but I also genuinely think it's unreasonable of him to have got the cat in the first place.

So:

YABU - suck it up.
YANBU - it goes.

[Lamentations]

He needs to be allowed outside and everyone will get along much better.

[Lex345]

When I first moved in and we were on good terms, he’d knead my chest in the mornings (he is now not allowed on the bed as the hair drive me crazy/litter paws)

I think this outlines the problem. Cats are hugely territorial and you have "taken" his territory from him-and not just any territory, his inner territory, where he has likely slept previously. This would piss anyone off to be honest. If you have a cat of any breed, they are the boss. Bengals are beautiful, I had a silver spotted lady in the past and she was the most beautiful, intelligent creature.

I think you should let him back on to the bed even if it is in the day when you aren't in it. Put a throw over the covers if the hair bothers you, although I don't remember my cat being a shedder particularly, this could be a sign he is stressed. Look in to different litter if its tracking. Try the feliway. Look at a cat tree/toys. Bengals are very energetic. Stop squirting him.

[MrsToothyBitch]

@JacobReesMogadishu that's ok if the cat wants a friend! Ours hates other animals and I can't see OP or her BF doing the work to integrate a new cat or kitten.

It is a good suggestion though- two would distract each other and play together if you do put the work in with them. It is suggested that Bengals are paired, especially if they're left alone for part of the time. Often with another bengal though. You'll just have to hope they don't turn into double the trouble!

[JacobReesMogadishu]

Yes, cats often don’t like an incomer/new cat. So it’s a gamble.

I have two cats and the older one dislikes the younger one. The younger one is a house cat but we do play with him a lot. We also have a dog who the younger cat spends a lot of time stalking, pouncing on, chasing and wrestling. 😁

[Eddielzzard]

I would leave. Your BF isn't doing a great job here. He's done nothing to help, and in fact just loads you with chores.

[Bluesheep8]

Poor bloody cat, it's stuck in the house with very little interaction from the people around it, and not much to do from the sound of it, and on top of that when it does interact in the only way it knows how, it gets sprayed with water.

Sounds like a horrible way to live, just being a nuisance to everyone.

Cat might be happier being rehomed to someone who wants it around.

Absolutely this. Poor cat wasn't being looked after even before you arrived, stuck indoors/not fed on time/played with now he gets sprayed with water.
Please rehome him.

[HaggieMaggie]

@GonePenguin

Unreasonable do him because he works incredibly long hours - hence doesn’t play with him or give him regular feeds.

If I had a dog that was attacking him, I’d quickly train the dog or else get a professional to help me. Bf, on the other hand, seems to think this might just fade out...or when I do ask him to discipline when an attack happens, he picks up the cat and basically whispers ‘be nice. Don’t be mean to GonePenguin’

You can’t train cats, they are not submissive like dogs. Cats do that e owners they have people, and you are not responding as the cat would expect.

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

Your boyfriend sounds lazy and hes got you looking after the cat that is supposedly HIS pet.
How do you think he would be with a kid ?

[LavaCake]

It sounds like the cat is bored and under-stimulated, as well as a bit territorial. Bengals are strong willed and energetic cats, so they need a lot more input than your boyfriend is giving his (especially as it’s an indoor cat).

Your boyfriend needs to commit to sorting this. Contrary to what lots of people think you can train cats. He needs to research some techniques and start implementing them. He also need to provide the cat with a lot more stimulation so it’s not attacking you out of boredom - it will need toys, a cat tower, and regular play sessions.

You’ll need to work on this too to improve your relationship with the cat.

YANBU to want this resolved - your boyfriend is being an irresponsible pet owner and you’re paying the price for his bored, miserable cat. He needs to take his responsibilities seriously.

[LavaCake]

I also very much do not recommend getting another cat when the current one exhibits aggressive behaviour. Cats are territorial and often don’t appreciate the introduction of a second cat at the best of times. The new cat would likely just become a punching bag - or it will respond with aggression of it’s own and you’ll have to do with cat fights. Especially as they would be indoor cats and so dealing with limited space.

Cats which aren’t bonded from a young age rarely get on harmoniously (though obviously there are exceptions - but an aggressive, territorial cat is unlikely to be one of them).

[LunaLula83]

I feel for you. I hate cats.

[Frumpypigskin]

I have cats and say this as a cat lover - Bengal cats are shits. A local Bengal terrorised our neighbourhood; attacking local cats, killing squirrels and birds and forcing its way into houses.

It's not a good breed for a domestic pet.

[learieonthewildmoor]

If you don't want to make your boyfriend unhappy by getting rid of the cat, then you'll have to take on responsibility for the cat simply because you're there with him. If you don't want to do that, your boyfriend needs to re-home the cat.
Keeping the cat is going to require a bit of investment in toys, treat feeders, cat trees, maybe even a $500 cat wheel. Maybe your boyfriend won't be too keen to keep him after that.

If you decide to keep the cat:
-The jumping out and attacking you is asking you to play. My male cat does this. Instead of a squirter bottle, have a wand toy or ball you can throw around for him when he jumps out.
-Let him sleep on the bed - that's a really good way to build a relationship with him because the bed with your scent is a safe place.
-Feeding him, giving treats in a toy, playing with him will all help calm him down and improve your relationship with him.

[Aridane]

I never quite get ‘the x was there before you’ argument . One is an animal, the other a human being.

[Hailtomyteeth]

Ideally, you should leave.
Or have the cat put down.
You could devote yourself to 'winning round' the cat, and learning the cat's preferences, but why? What boyfriend is worth that?

[Nottherealslimshady]

YABU cat was there first, you dont make someone get rid of their pet, how horrible.
The water bottles only gonna make it hate you more, give it a treat when it's near you and not "attacking" redirect to a toy when it bites you.
Also dogs don't give unconditional love, animals return affection. If you sprayed my dog with water she'd behave the same as this cat.
You've stomped into the cats house and hate it, why would it like you? Try being the bigger person?

[Nottherealslimshady]

@Aridane yeah exactly, one is entirely independent and chose the situation and the other was dropped into a situation it has no control over and is reliant on someone it cant talk to for everything it needs and wants. But hey, humans are more important, stick it on gumtree, some dog fighter will be along in no time to feed it to his dog 👍

[TuMeke]

I just see no point in him

Ugh.
It sounds as though you have no understanding and no compassion, OP. Animals have individual personalities and respond to change and uncertainty in different ways, and it seems as though this cat is bored and anxious and needs care, not punishment with water sprays and being forced off the bed he used to sleep on. And your bf sounds like a shit pet owner, based on what you’ve said about lack of play and regular meals.
Although usually I would say that if you don’t like someone’s pet, you should be the one to leave, in this instance I think the poor cat would be happier living somewhere his needs are met by an owner who cares about him.

[Teirsforfears]

My cat stopped doing that when he could go outside. Why can’t he be an outside cat?

[Thinkingg]

Ditch the boyfriend. I would want to be with anyone who neglects their pet, it doesn't reflect well on him

[Dumbie]

You've stopped the cat going on the bed?

Well, there's your problem!!!

Get some pet hair removed for the washing machine (vamoosh I think it's called) and let the cat on the bed

[midlifecrash]

Many people are looking to get a cat at the moment so it might actually be a good time to rehome this cat with someone who will give it attention, regular food and ideally outside space. Your boyfriend is useless, I don't know why people like this have pets.

[Beamur]

I feel for you OP. That's not nice to be on the receiving end of.
The cat is very very bored. Stalking and pouncing on you is probably the most fun it has.
You are living with a high energy, intelligent animal in a confined and repetitive space.
Your boyfriend is not a good owner and is not putting the cats needs very high. It needs a much more stimulating environment.
Whilst it's not your job to play with it, a bit of play and imagination will go a long way.
If the cat is food motivated you can get various toys that you put treats in and they have to move around to get out.
Cats are neophiliacs. They react positively to change and interest.
I keep a variety of cat trees and posts around the house, positioned also so they can look out of the window. A basket of little toys that I bring one or two out and rotate. Mine also like tunnels, cardboard boxes and tactile things like bits of fabric and memory foam mats.
One of my orientals sounds a lot like your cat. Luckily for me, she has a sister so they use up a lot of energy chasing each other.
To be honest OP, unless you or your bf are willing to do a bit more, this situation is unlikely to change. The cat will not be very happy right now either. So, either enrich it's life and get the benefit of how enjoyable a happy relaxed cat can be or rehome it to someone who can.

[MessAllOver]

Agree with @Thinkingg. Ditch the loser boyfriend. He neglects a pet he is responsible for and has started happily unloading his responsibilities onto you. Both red flags. I hope you're not considering procreating with this man eventually because children are a lot more hassle than cats and you can't legally walk out on them (well, some people manage, but they're mostly men...).

[MzHz]

Imagine having kids with this bloke

Thank god he hasn’t already got any, you’d be responsible for their care EOW while he’d fuck off on his bike/to the golf course