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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

977 replies

8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:24

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Brefugee · 21/10/2020 22:06

I find all this non-mask wearing baffling, tbh. I haven't seen anyone in a supermarket where i live (not in the UK) without a mask. I am going to assume that approximately the same proportion of people are exempt. So either they are sucking it up or getting someone to do their shopping for them? (we don't have a good system of supermarket deliveries)

In this scenario the bloke was being Extremely British in making a comment pretty much under his breath in a PA way. And the Extremely British way of handling it, especially if you can't wear a mask, is to ignore it.

Sorry you have mask trauma, OP, it must be difficult right now. But since we see so many complaints about Tier 3 because people can't be bothered to follow rules, you probably need to grow a very thick skin because you're about to hear a lot of PA comments about your lack of a mask.
Flowers

LilyWater · 21/10/2020 22:08

To be fair, the vast majority of people walking round without a mask are doing so for purely selfish reasons, are mainly the ones spreading the virus and don't care about potentially putting other people in hospital or in their graves.

I agree with the suggestion of another poster - completely understandable you can't wear a mask but could you wear a visor?

What unpleasant behaviour on his part after you explained to him.

OwlBeThere · 21/10/2020 22:08

I feel your pain OP, my dd is asthmatic and has ptsd as the result of a sexual assault, she’s only 17 and terrified of being approached like you were. So as a result she won’t go outside other than to school and work.
It’s shit and unfair.

OwlBeThere · 21/10/2020 22:10

@lemonsandlimes123...that’s a good joke. Help for any kind of MH issue is woeful at the best of times, in the current climate it’s virtually nonexistent. And if you think it involves help to wear a mask you really do need a reality check.

Oneisdrunk · 21/10/2020 22:11

You are no being unfair. I also understand why you stuck up for yourself with that horrible man.
I don't agree however that someone should be wearing a sheild or a scarf just to make it look like you are trying (face shields have been proven to be useless and are band in hospitality in Scotland for this reason). There is something deeply wrong with society when people feel they have to wear something on their face to prove a point when infact they are exempt. I say this as someone who wears a mask and agrees with them. I do however who has a parent that can not wear one and has been horribly hassled for simply doing their weekly shop.

The world is very, very wrong at the moment and is becoming an intoreable and suspicious society.

Fajitanita · 21/10/2020 22:11

@Brefugee ah yes, I bet you tell people with depression to just cheer up, or overweight people to just stop eating eh. You hear them OP, just suck it up, you'll be fine.

BlueThistles · 21/10/2020 22:12

I feel your pain OP, my dd is asthmatic and has ptsd as the result of a sexual assault, she’s only 17 and terrified of being approached like you were. So as a result she won’t go outside other than to school and work. It’s shit and unfair.

This is dreadful, I'm so sorry to read this. Flowers

AnnaMagnani · 21/10/2020 22:14

I have asthma and found it really easy to wear a mask at work - sitting down, talking to people - so was quite surprised to find I struggled to wear a mask walking around a shopping centre. Then I tried a cloth one and it was a complete disaster. So I'm a sometimes mask wearer and sometimes not.

And none of my really short of breath patients can wear one.

It's a shame that everyone I see not wearing one in the shops just looks like a man who thinks masks threaten his masculinity though - it ruins it for all the actually not able to wear masks people.

Original poster
8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 22:14

@NameChange9824 I'm so sorry for your experience. I hope that you're able to get past what was done to you 💐Sending supportive thoughts and hugs 💐

OP posts:
Iminthewrongstory · 21/10/2020 22:15

I am being very careful, so if I see someone not wearing a mask I just stay a distance from them. But everyone is so tense right now that any confrontation is a bad idea. It's like when people honk instead of just applying the brake.

Original poster
8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 22:16

@user1493494961 I haven't posted anything about this before

OP posts:
halfmoonfullmoon · 21/10/2020 22:17

why not wear a clear face shield @8catsaremycoven ?

OwlBeThere · 21/10/2020 22:18

@BlueThistles it is, and it’s wrong, but she’s not mentally strong enough to cope at the moment. She is having therapy which is helping her she has gone back to her job which is a huge step.
The ‘wear a lanyard’ crew also annoy me, those lanyards can be bought by anyone who has a mind to, so don’t prove anything so doesn’t help. It also isn’t a solution for my son with asd because he can’t tolerate that anymore than he can a mask!
People have literally no right to question someone’s exemption reasons. The fact that they think they do in this world we live in is just sad.

Mischance · 21/10/2020 22:18

Feelings are running high - people are scared. I am sorry that you bore the brunt of that.

I guess that, just as he did not understand the reasons for your decisions, then maybe none of us can know what is behind his outburst - maybe a loved one is in a very vulnerable category or he has lost someone to covid. We just do not know what is going on in people's lives.

tillyandmilly · 21/10/2020 22:18

i am sorry you are asthmatic but surely you can wear a visor?

goingtotown · 21/10/2020 22:19

Wear a visor.

PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2020 22:19

Why are people banging on about visors?

The op is not required to wear a visor.

Fgs1 · 21/10/2020 22:21

This reply has been deleted

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DoesThisMakeSence · 21/10/2020 22:22

@wasgoingmadinthecountry

I'd also as an asthmatic like to recommend face brackets from Amazon - I can now wear my mask at school all day. Obviously doesn't help with PTSD x
Thank you for this! I didnt know thing like this exsisted. My asthma has been horreondous with mask wearing so i just havent been going out. This may help for when i do though. Off to order one to give it a try! Flowers
FractionalGains · 21/10/2020 22:23

@Fgs1

If she won’t wear a mask, visor or lanyard or get online deliveries, then she can’t be surprised someone might mutter under their breath as she walks past them in a supermarket
She can be pissed off that people are such in-compassionate arseholes though
lemonsandlimes123 · 21/10/2020 22:24

purpledaisies - the OP is not required to wear a visor and the general public are not required to not say anything to her, she is complaining about the fact someone had the temerity to speak about her within her earshot - it cuts both ways

FractionalGains · 21/10/2020 22:24

@PurpleDaisies

Why are people banging on about visors?

The op is not required to wear a visor.

Also isn’t there evidence they do the square root of fuck all in terms of protecting others?
lemonsandlimes123 · 21/10/2020 22:26

fractional - not wearing a mask does the square root of fuck all in terms of protecting others!

Janevaljane · 21/10/2020 22:26

@Brefugee

I find all this non-mask wearing baffling, tbh. I haven't seen anyone in a supermarket where i live (not in the UK) without a mask. I am going to assume that approximately the same proportion of people are exempt. So either they are sucking it up or getting someone to do their shopping for them? (we don't have a good system of supermarket deliveries)

In this scenario the bloke was being Extremely British in making a comment pretty much under his breath in a PA way. And the Extremely British way of handling it, especially if you can't wear a mask, is to ignore it.

Sorry you have mask trauma, OP, it must be difficult right now. But since we see so many complaints about Tier 3 because people can't be bothered to follow rules, you probably need to grow a very thick skin because you're about to hear a lot of PA comments about your lack of a mask.
Flowers

This.
Bramblespoint · 21/10/2020 22:26

He sounds like a complete arsehole.

You anbu given your history and no need to explain to anyone, however there is no evidence that masks cause asthma attacks.