Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

[8catsaremycoven]

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

@ArcheryAnnie

Haenow there's a relative risk - almost everything we do can be harmful to other people in some way, whether we personally witness it or not. The relative risk posed by a cold, and by covid, are very different. This isn't controversial at all.

As for the "vast majority" - how many deaths and long term illnesses are you prepared to think is not a problem? It's been estimated that Long Covid hits one in twenty people who get it - that's a huge chunk of the population to be made long term ill, needing extensive medical care, and being economically inactive for an extended period, even if you don't care about the people who die.

@ArcheryAnnie

Having worked with numerous people who have sadly died from Covid, I care a huge amount about those who die. Due to my work, I probably have developed more close relationships with those who have died than most people. So, yeah....

I’m interested that so many people suddenly give a shit about people like me when they never did before. Perhaps people will be less willing to rush off to soft play with their child who has recently had D&V or visit the supermarket with their chicken poxy kid (when they have other options) or snot all over the office.

I have enough compassion to recognise my needs aren’t the only ones. I wear a mask despite my chronic health needs making it very uncomfortable so I’d prefer less of the “don’t care about people who die”.

@SecretSpAD why can you not wear a mask? Have you tried it? Given the air is the same what is the issue? I don’t know anyone with asthma who isn’t wearing a mask

No I can't. Yes, I have.

You don't know everyone with asthma.

What makes you say that @bluethistles?

Almost everyone is wearing them where I am.

Hi there,

where I am geographically, more and more people are wearing 'hidden disability' lanyards, or nothing at all.

I'm in Scotland, I live rurally, but the nearest larger towns are high risk areas, heavily populated, with very high infection rates. The figures are not a secret.

It's a strange turn of events, it's like people have given up.

I have no interest in knowing why people are not wearing masks, but when a town has more disabilities than people wearing masks, then that makes me wonder, have people literally given up?

Still waiting to hear why the OP can't shop online.

I suppose it'd spoil the goading and froth.

@ZoeTurtle

Still waiting to hear why the OP can't shop online.

I suppose it'd spoil the goading and froth.

She doesn’t have to.

She's not inthe uk

Could you get something that says you are unable to wear a mask. He was probably only attacking from fear. Which is no excuse but makes it a little easier to understand

Could you get something that says you are unable to wear a mask?

Like what? A sandwich board? A big badge?

@ZoeTurtle, I’m not the OP so I don’t speak for her, but in my area getting a delivery from s supermarket, for months was almost impossible even with a shielding child. It did improve a lot, but now it’s hard again with wales going into lockdown again. In my area there are 2 that deliver (well 3 if you count Ocado, and I’d have to sell my child to afford that), so the slots disappear fast. When you have dietary restrictions like I do with an autistic child who gives no fucks about pandemics and other piddly reasons why I can’t get the safe milk, or the safe bread it’s even harder to shop online.

There is also the small matter of the law saying she doesn’t need to get delivery as she is allowed to not wear a mask and is allowed to expect to do so without comment from PA men.

My daughter is currently too scared to go to a supermarket or indeed anywhere other than her school or her place of work (and that’s taken 3 months to build up the courage to return) because of the worry of this kind of thing. She’s a 17 year old kid who looks fine, but she was assaulted by a boy at school with a tie, and she can’t tolerate anything on her face anymore. When we tried a mask she had a panic attack that set off an asthma attack which landed her in hospital. Her life is already way harder than anyone’s should be at that age. If that guy had done to her what he did to OP that would have been months of therapy out the window. And as this thread shows she’s far from alone in that experience. And reasons like that are why it’s not ok for people to pass comment, ask, challenge or otherwise say anything to those not wearing masks.

I take on board the point about the risk to retail staff and I completely sympathise and feel for them. And I’m aware there are liars out there, but please don’t assume everyone is.

OwlBeThere I know I said it previously, but again, I am so sorry for both your daughter and you, there are some evil monsters out there.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that things get easier for both of you in time, and without meaning to sound condescending, your daughter sounds extremely brave x

If you can't wear s mask wear a clear vizor. I have seen several people wearing them and assume they can't wear a mask for some health reason. If you chose to wear nothing with the Covid raging I think people will look at you and move away from you. No excuse for attacking you though. In most countries if you don't wear a mask you get fined and would not be allowed in shops. Could you get an online delivery?

@caringcarer have you even read the thread? The OP cannot wear a visor for the same reason she can’t wear a mask. My daughter can not tolerate a visor either with it causing panic. They don’t need to wear a visor because the law says they don’t.

@Saltandstars thank you. She’s the bravest person I’ve ever met. All that and killed 10 GCSEs, she’s the best and will get through this.

@OwlBeThere she sounds truly remarkable (again, not meaning to sound condescending), that is such a huge achievement, especially with what she has been up against

I've changed my name for this.
I know some people have mask PTSD but I'm finding it very upsetting seeing it talked about as if that's what it's like for everyone with PTSD. It might be irrational but I can't help feeling offended and feeling like not in my name.
I have PTSD. Domestic violence including rape. Suffocated. I love masks. My PTSD is worse about not being safe. What's the point of surviving then dying of coronavirus. I know it's not a definite but masks help and I feel traumatised seeing lots of people not wearing them. I know some people can't wear them but I wish people wouldnt think it's like that always for PTSD.

nimnnimntypl . None of this is easy for anyone, and there is no easy solution. For what its worth, I think most of the posters with PTSD on this thread, myself included, have said that their experiences are their own, and they do not speak for everyone with PTSD.

Jeez....!

To all of the visor/scarf/polo neck advocates at least have the courtesy to read my initial post if nothing else. IF I COULD I WOULD

To the get your shopping onliners - if I could get delivery slots I would!

I am not unintelligent, I am not uncaring, I am simply trying to survive this horrible experience exactly the same as everyone else BUT I have experiences in my life and health issues that mean that I am LEGALLY EXEMPT from wearing a face covering.

PTSD affects each person differently, asthma affects each person differently. The combination of both is not conducive, in my case, to wearing a face covering.

I'm sure the sight of me bending over a trolley, coughing and gasping for air whilst trying to get my breathing under control enough to get my inhaler and use it would be far less scary than me SDing and calmly and quietly minding my own business and shopping as quickly as possible...NOT!!!

OP, have you even looked at delivery or click and collect slots? In my local area there's absolutely no issue getting slots. If people were managing to get them during the shortages in lockdown, you definitely can now.

It's just easier to say "you can't" though, isn't it?

@stretchedmarks

OP, have you even looked at delivery or click and collect slots? In my local area there's absolutely no issue getting slots. If people were managing to get them during the shortages in lockdown, you definitely can now.

It's just easier to say "you can't" though, isn't it?

Are you generally in favour of banning the disabled from shops or just certain groups of them?

I dont get the visor comments..if someone can't have something over their face how is that different? Plus aren't they meant to be a bit useless anyway.

Don't feel you should have to get online delivery because you can't wear a mask..thats not what it says. If excempt..thats that. Also dont get people being worried about people not wearing masks but happy to get up close to have a go/question it. Unless they really have this conversation 2 metres apart..

@stretchedmarks even if there's a thousand available slots she does not have to take one because in this country we don't shut disabled people indoors! She is legally exempt from wearing a face covering which means she can shop without one! She does not have to stay at home to appease people who don't agree with the law! Anyone who does not agree with the law is absolutely within their rights to stay at home!

@BamboozledandBefuddled

No, I'm in favour of protecting retail workers from unnecessary risk when others can protect them by using other retail methods if they are refusing to wear a face covering.

No ones disability is more important than protecting the workers who have worked through the bloody pandemic, on the front line, since March, while everyone sat at home nice and cosy.

They don't deserve to have to frequently self isolate because they've been in contact with ANOTHER person with symptoms and get bog standard SSP and struggle to pay their bills and feed their family. Just because someone "can't" wear a mask.

Use another shopping method. Simple.

I understand why you don't wear a mask OP. Where I live (not UK) people who don't wear masks are asked to stay at home as much as possible as they do pose a risk, even though it's not their fault. Instead of going to a supermarket (you are not allowed here without a mask anyway), you would be asked to shop online. As you say you wish you could wear a mask, I would advise you to shop online for food as seeing someone in a food shop without a mask is likely to make many people feel worried and is also unfair on the staff who have to work there.
However that doesn't mean the man should have been rude to you.

stretchedmarks yes

[quote stretchedmarks]@BamboozledandBefuddled

No, I'm in favour of protecting retail workers from unnecessary risk when others can protect them by using other retail methods if they are refusing to wear a face covering.

No ones disability is more important than protecting the workers who have worked through the bloody pandemic, on the front line, since March, while everyone sat at home nice and cosy.

They don't deserve to have to frequently self isolate because they've been in contact with ANOTHER person with symptoms and get bog standard SSP and struggle to pay their bills and feed their family. Just because someone "can't" wear a mask.

Use another shopping method. Simple.[/quote]
If, in your world 'unable to wear a mask' means 'refusing to wear a mask', there's really no point in responding to you further.