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AIBU?

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Original poster

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

977 replies

8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:24

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Livelovebehappy · 22/10/2020 00:38

The lanyards mean absolutely diddly squid. You can buy them in bulk on eBay. Do people think anyone takes someone seriously displaying something you can buy for a couple of pounds on eBay?

ClickandForget · 22/10/2020 00:38

I wore one for 5 mins the other day and fainted!

This was right at the beginning. I'd only gone to get a click & collect order!

The other day, or 8 months ago?

AibuTellMe · 22/10/2020 00:45

Could you not wear a visor instead OP? I think some people go over the top because they are scared and want to feel protected.

Roseboss · 22/10/2020 00:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 22/10/2020 00:55

I could be exempted but I want to minimise the risk for myself and others.

Everyone needs to do what they can. If you struggle to wear a mask then look for alternative solutions or limit how much you go out.

It's madness that so many people are not wearing masks. The few people that really genuinely can't wear a mask are being punished because of a lot of very selfish people. I think only those truly exempt should be allowed inside shops etc. Those that are choosing to not wear masks should be fined.

ArcheryAnnie · 22/10/2020 00:56

Hi @Roseboss - I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. You might find a better response if you started a fresh thread, as your post might get lost in this rather heated discussion about facemasks!

stretchedmarks · 22/10/2020 00:57

I do think if you "can't" wear a mask then you need to try and work around it. C&C, deliveries, asking someone to shop for you, a visor/scarf, etc. I don't think it's particularly fair on shop staff to have to wear them all day and then have others increase the chance of them contracting it. Additionally, most retail workers are on a minimum wage/close to it. They don't get extra money alongside SSP when they have to isolate. So them having to, at best, isolate for x days every few months is hugely damaging for them income wise.

I can see it's hard for you but I don't see why you can't work around it more rather than just saying "well I can't" and cracking on.

I really pity retail workers, I really do. Must be absolutely infuriating sweating your face off every day for fuck all money and see reams of customers come in with not a care in the world. You can get C&C, deliveries, etc- ie, get your shopping safely without endangering yourself and others. They can't exactly leave the store if you come in without a mask.

Roseboss · 22/10/2020 00:59

Sorry I post it here instead of my own page. I can feel you though some people do not have common sense and they like to judge everyone without knowing their situation but just ignore them as they cannot change themselves

EarlLeighIndamornin · 22/10/2020 01:10

These threads always are me raise an eyebrow.

I live in New York, work in retail myself and, funnily enough, visit a supermarket now and then to buy food.

I think I may have TWICE seen someone unmasked.

Maybe we have no-one with asthma in NY, or and unseen disability, or PTSD or any other reason for not wearing a mask? Hmm Confused

PolkadotGiraffe · 22/10/2020 01:16

@PanamaPattie

If you go out without wearing a mask, you are going to come across people who won't see your hidden disability- they see someone who isn't wearing a mask and they may react in an aggressive manner. This is the risk you take by not wearing one. Front it out but don't engage.

How will you manage in future with some retailers using face recognition software on their doors and not allowing anyone in (by not opening the automatic door) not wearing a mask?

That would be illegal discrimination, given that there are legal exemptions.

The law is clear that those who are exempt do not have to explain themselves or wear a lanyard if they choose not to. Nobody has a right to challenge them, regardless of how they feel about it or their personal issues.

I wear a lanyard. But some aren't comfortable to do so and harrassing them is totally inacceptable and excusing that behaviour is enabling it.

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 22/10/2020 01:18

What a total prick. I'm anti people not wearing masks without a reason but never say anything. If I did and they responded as you do I'd feel about 3 inches high and would apologise profusely. And you actually went out of your way to explain yourself on top of it all which he ignored. Misogynistic bully.

BuntysTwinkle · 22/10/2020 01:40

I sympathize, but perhaps you could try exposure therapy, simply so that you can shop in peace and not be harassed by arseholes?

I have HFA and I hated wearing the mask, but it helped to wear one of the more rigid ones so it doesn't move in and out with breathing, and I just wore it around the house for a while. I'm perfectly comfortable in one now. It feels weird and restrictive for about 10-20 seconds, then I forget. In my case, I'd rather wear a full gas mask than risk being a target for knobheads. But I know it may just be impossible for some. If you really can't do it, get a badge or lanyard that people can read.

BlueThistles · 22/10/2020 02:01

The law is clear that those who are exempt do not have to explain themselves or wear a lanyard if they choose not to. Nobody has a right to challenge them, regardless of how they feel about it or their personal issues

this was my original point y'see... why bother with Masks at all..

so despite the reasons... why is it okay for a huge portion of society to not wear them, when the other equally huge portion of society being forced to wear them? why is one Safer than the other in the race to stop the spread ? it's makes no sense ... it's a mess.. the whole situ is chaos 🌺

JingsMahBucket · 22/10/2020 02:25

@EarlLeighIndamornin

These threads always are me raise an eyebrow.

I live in New York, work in retail myself and, funnily enough, visit a supermarket now and then to buy food.

I think I may have TWICE seen someone unmasked.

Maybe we have no-one with asthma in NY, or and unseen disability, or PTSD or any other reason for not wearing a mask? Hmm Confused

Exactly, same here @EarlLeighIndamornin. I’m in NYC too and you better believe everyone outside of a few communities is wearing a mask. Children Ages 2 and over are mandated to wear masks and they’re complying!! If a bunch of 2 year olds can do it, why can’t several million British people? I guess the 2 year olds are less whiny and are made of stronger stuff than your average British adult. 😂
Elsewyre · 22/10/2020 02:37

"Maybe we have no-one with asthma in NY, or and unseen disability, or PTSD or any other reason for not wearing a mask?"

Or they're all already dead. .

JingsMahBucket · 22/10/2020 02:50

@Elsewyre nah, we’re just made of tougher stuff in NYC and are less whiny while being more community minded. :)

Loustew12 · 22/10/2020 03:03

They are so unhygienic even the sage guy said kids might spread it more wearing them. There is still no good evidence that they do much. I wear one anyway out of respect for others but I respect those who don't.

EarlLeighIndamornin · 22/10/2020 03:12

"Maybe we have no-one with asthma in NY, or and unseen disability, or PTSD or any other reason for not wearing a mask?"

Or they're all already dead. .

Yeas, I'm sure that must be it.

EarlLeighIndamornin · 22/10/2020 03:13

Elsewyre Thu 22-Oct-20 02:37:22
"Maybe we have no-one with asthma in NY, or and unseen disability, or PTSD or any other reason for not wearing a mask?"

Or they're all already dead. .

Yes I'm sure that must be it.

ddl1 · 22/10/2020 03:14

'why is it okay for a huge portion of society to not wear them'

It isn't. Only a fairly small minority of people are unable to wear them, but there are some, and they should not be harrassed.

I think I've said before: I don't have any problem with wearing a mask, but I have a slightly parallel situation, in that due to mostly-invisible co-ordination disabilities, I cannot stand safely in a moving vehicle and have certainly experienced disapproving looks and tuts, when I have failed to give up my seat on the tube for older people (but I would risk falling if I did). So I understand how people sometimes judge those with invisible disabilities for not doing what seems the considerate thing to those who don't know the situation, but which the people in question genuinely cannot do.

Most people in our local shops do wear masks, as do I. I would not challenge someone who happened not to be wearing a mask, though I would make particularly sure to keep a social distance from them. Maybe if every other person was not wearing a mask, I would start being a bit more suspicious and at least inwardly judgemental.

PolkadotGiraffe · 22/10/2020 03:57

@BlueThistles

The law is clear that those who are exempt do not have to explain themselves or wear a lanyard if they choose not to. Nobody has a right to challenge them, regardless of how they feel about it or their personal issues

this was my original point y'see... why bother with Masks at all..

so despite the reasons... why is it okay for a huge portion of society to not wear them, when the other equally huge portion of society being forced to wear them? why is one Safer than the other in the race to stop the spread ? it's makes no sense ... it's a mess.. the whole situ is chaos 🌺

From what I have seen, very few people are not wearing them. Presumably because they are exempt. Some wear lanyards, some do not. Everyone should if they can. You clearly have no idea abour the discussions going on in disabled communities who cannot wear them: people who medically should not yet are trying to "train" themselves to and risk their health to avoid this kind of aggressive behaviour. It is shameful.
PolkadotGiraffe · 22/10/2020 03:59

@JingsMahBucket yeah because we should all follow the US as an example of how to run a society. 🤣 Or to control CV.

tillytown · 22/10/2020 03:59

Elsewyre What a weird comment

Tyformyprescrion · 22/10/2020 04:01

Nasty bully. I bet you a million pounds he wouldn't have spoken to you like that if you were a big, tall man. Hope you are ok Flowers

Suzi888 · 22/10/2020 04:08

What a traumatic experience, awful.
Could you wear a visor? I only say this for your personal safety. There seem to be a few random and violent attacks on people not wearing a mask lately.
Have you got the sunflower lanyard or card exempting you from wearing a mask and is it visible?
YANBU at all by the way, but some people have the covid crazies Confused right now and I think it’s an excuse to be an A hole!
Take care OP.