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AIBU?

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Original poster

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask

977 replies

8catsaremycoven · 21/10/2020 20:24

Wow, had a great experience in Lidl today - I was verbally abused and intimidated by a bloke in his 40s for not wearing a mask.

I'm minding my own business, choosing some fruit for DHS when random angry bloke walks past and hisses "You should be wearing a mask ". He doesn't stop and ask me directly why I'm not wearing a mask, just walks past me and says it in an undertone.

I catch up with him because he's browsing and tell him I'm exempt because I'm asthmatic. Apparently anyone can claim to be exempt and it's my personal fault that people are dying?! I told him that I wished that I was able to wear a mask to protect myself if nothing else, he just carried on ranting at me. No security guards in the store, other shoppers just stood and watched. I ended up crying in frustration and walking away.

I can't wear a mask because of my asthma but I also suffer from PTSD because an XH put a pillow over my face and raped me.

Am I expected to explain everything to anyone?

YABU - get over everything, risk a major asthma attack and wear a mask

YANBU - asthma is enough to excuse me from wearing a mask let alone my other reasons, which I don't feel I should have to explain to anyone

Bring it on, I'm sure someone is going to roast me but I truly hope that you're going to be behind me.

I left the shop shaking and in tears

OP posts:
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Alternista · 21/10/2020 23:11

This reply has been deleted

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PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2020 23:12

@Janevaljane

OP, lots of people are really genuinely suffering because of covid and lockdown. I get pissed off when I see people not wearing masks tbh. I'd never say anything or stare passive aggressively. Wear a lanyard.
Wear a lanyard. Wear a visor.

It’ll be wearing a hair shirt next.

The op is exempt. She doesn’t need to do anything else.

borntohula · 21/10/2020 23:12

@pinkstripeycat

If your asthma is THAT bad don’t go to the shops! I am asthmatic and I wear a mask all day to work - you CAN breath with a mask in even as an asthmatic. It IS because of selfish people like you that the virus is spreading
Did you say that before covid when viruses were circulating constantly? 🙄
Janevaljane · 21/10/2020 23:14

If she's exempt but doesn't wear a lanyard then she's going to get challenged or moaned at. Up to her.

FractionalGains · 21/10/2020 23:15

@pinkstripeycat

If your asthma is THAT bad don’t go to the shops! I am asthmatic and I wear a mask all day to work - you CAN breath with a mask in even as an asthmatic. It IS because of selfish people like you that the virus is spreading
Yes of course it is, nothing to do with travel abroad, public transport, schools and unis reopening... let’s all pick on the traumatised rape victim and blame her.
PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2020 23:16

@pinkstripeycat

If your asthma is THAT bad don’t go to the shops! I am asthmatic and I wear a mask all day to work - you CAN breath with a mask in even as an asthmatic. It IS because of selfish people like you that the virus is spreading
Congratulations. Your asthma is different from to op’s. Would you like a little badge?

People love to say it’s exempt people shopping without wearing a mask that’s driving all this increase in virus transmission. I haven’t seen that mentioned once by any scientist as a problem.

m0therofdragons · 21/10/2020 23:17

I find it weird that in shops there’s quite a high number of people not wearing masks yet in the hospital I haven’t come across anyone walking in our doors that doesn’t have a mask on or isn’t willing to come and take a mask on entry.

m0therofdragons · 21/10/2020 23:18

Sorry, I should mention patients with dementia. They don’t wear them and we’ve had a few of those.

DC3Dakota · 21/10/2020 23:21

@Iamthedevilinthedetail

There was a woman on the bus the other day wearing a mask under her nose......I wish I'd had the balls to tell her to put it on properly. On the other hand, if you've got asthma, and you want to avoid this, buy a face shield. It will at least show willing and it absolutely won't affect your asthma.
What gives you the right to say something to her?!?! She is likely exempt but is trying to at least cover her mouth with the thought that it's better than nothing at all!!!! I cannot wear a mask without beginning to pass out after a few seconds but I can wear one over just my mouth. I don't however, because of people like you.....
sunflowerstory · 21/10/2020 23:21

Wearing masks reduces the spread of droplets when we breathe and speak.

If you can't wear a mask then don't, but also don't go up to people and expel droplets in their face explaining why you're not wearing one.

DC3Dakota · 21/10/2020 23:24

@Cloverglens

Try a visor 🙂
Sadly these are worse! For everyone in fact. The visor's positioning means that the Carbon Dioxide you breathe out, bounces off the visor and becomes what you then breathe back in - instead of oxygen!! I wore one for 5 mins the other day and fainted!
MasksGlovesSoapScrubs · 21/10/2020 23:26

I didn't think asthma was a reason to be exempt? My DP has severe asthma but still wears one. Obviously what you said about your XH I completely understand why you would find it difficult to wear one. Sorry to hear that.

DC3Dakota · 21/10/2020 23:27

@maddening

Get a visor if you can't wear a mask Imo.
Sadly these are worse! For everyone in fact. The visor's positioning means that the Carbon Dioxide you breathe out, (like every human on the planet does) bounces off the visor and becomes what you then breathe back in - instead of oxygen!! I wore one for 5 mins the other day and fainted!
MasksGlovesSoapScrubs · 21/10/2020 23:28

DC - Where have you read this? Generally curious. I've worked in a mask and visor daily for 8+ hours a day and never had this issue.

MasksGlovesSoapScrubs · 21/10/2020 23:29

Should have added for 4 years daily.

lemonsandlimes123 · 21/10/2020 23:30

DC3 - you must have a very serious medical condition if you are passing out so frequently. I find your explanation re visors a touch implausible however.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 21/10/2020 23:33

I have mask supports that leave a gap between the mask and my mouth and nostrils.

I am asthmatic and struggle to breathe in a mask on it's own.

I can wear the masks if I use the mask supports.

Amazon and Ebay have them.

Verbally attacked for not wearing a mask
Barryisland · 21/10/2020 23:34

Wow a lot of bullying going on and peer pressure such as .... justanotherneighinparadise

Visor? Scarf up over your mouth. Just look like you e made some sort of effort and most people will leave you alone.

No op. Next time just ignore them or tell them to @@@@ off. If you as an adult decide that you can’t wear a mask it is nobody else’s business. I’m sorry you have been treated so badly.

TheHighwayman · 21/10/2020 23:34

I'd get a lanyard to avoid future instances of this OP.
There is a lot of resentment towards non-mask wearers unfortunately.
Hope this doesn't happen to you again, that man sounds an utter knob.

ArcheryAnnie · 21/10/2020 23:35

This really is where it's a zero-sum situation, and personal rights collide. On the one hand, people should be able to go into shops and on public transport without being exposed to other people's germs and the risk of contracting a disease that could kill them. On the other hand, people should also be able to go into shops and on public transport even if their medical conditions don't allow them to wear a mask. In either case, disabled people are forced out of public life, either because they can't wear a mask, or because other potentially infectious people not wearing masks puts them at too great a risk..

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask strangers to put their mask on properly, and it's also perfectly reasonable for those strangers to say, sorry, no, I am exempt. But people not wearing a mask (whether exempt or not) should also be extra-careful to maintain social distrancing, and alas they too frequently are not.

quelquechose · 21/10/2020 23:36

OP, you haven’t answered, why, if can’t wear a mask why can’t you wear a visor?

It is indisputable that face masks work - especially to reduce transmission of the virus from someone who is COVID positive to other people.

If you can’t see wear a visor (they don’t work as well to reduce transmission anyway), then you could try to do the right thing by minimising your time in shops, where you may be making other people anxious.

My DD is immunocompromised - I would be anxious coming across you in a shop and would think you are selfish for potentially exposing other people. I wouldn’t say anything to you though.

I have reminded my DCs that we don’t know what someone else has been through. Your previous trauma sounds awful and it must be so scary to have another man yell and scare you. I would have tried to stick up for you if I’d been there when that man was getting angry.

Luckily I live in a non-UK city where face masks are required everywhere if you are over 12. You can be exempt, but I have never seen someone without one. Visas are no longer permitted here as they don’t work as well.

Our face mask rule was introduced at the start of our 2nd wave, when we had more than 700 new cases a day. Everyone hated it. I had a panic attack wearing a mask at the supermarket on the first day.

My nurse friend encouraged me to persevere. She assured me I’d get used to it if I kept making the effort.

So many of us have got used to it now it really was worth persisting.

We now have fewer than 10 new cases a day in my city. Just saying ......

whatstodo20 · 21/10/2020 23:37

He was out of order, end of. He had no right to to be treat you the way he did. I can't believe how narrow minded people are! Exemptions exist and the government have been quite clear on this! If someone isn't wearing a mask we should assume is because they can't for whatever reason and leave them alone. I'm sorry you was treated badly, don't let it get to you Thanks

ArcheryAnnie · 21/10/2020 23:39

If you as an adult decide that you can’t wear a mask it is nobody else’s business.

The thing is, it is other people's business, as other people are the ones at risk. This doesn't mean that people shouldn't be exempt, but this isn't a case of individual choice, but collective action wherever possible, with those exceptions.

quelquechose · 21/10/2020 23:39

Honestly, just try to look like you are making an effort and you will be less likely to trigger other people. Everyone is anxious and we all want what is best for ourselves and our loved ones Flowers

MaxNormal · 21/10/2020 23:39

It IS because of selfish people like you that the virus is spreading

Whereas you just spread poison.