to think others would find this very irritating too?

[destinedtobeatiger]

DP and I argue day in day out about this.

I am very very sensitive to sound. I don't know why. If theres a slight noise as i'm falling asleep I will bolt awake and listen to make sure that no-one is breaking in.

The argument:
DP plays music constantly. When we wake up, when eating breakfast, (self employed) while working from home, in bed before sleep, while cooking, using the bathroom etc. He likes to play this outloud whenever possible.

After many many arguments he now uses wireless headphones when I am in the room and plays it loud when I am not.

The walls are very thin.

I wake up every morning to his rap music bellowing from the ensuite. He is in the shower so can't use headphones and was very upset at the idea of showering without music. The music is as quiet as it can be to still hear it over the shower, but I still hear it really loudly and it just makes me so miserable. I can't explain it, I never used to be like this. I find it so irritating and unpleasant.

If I ever want DP attention he has his earphones in. So instead of just talking to him across the room, I have to wave at him. He gets annoyed when he has to take his headphones out to talk to me 'so it better be good'.

Often I can't get his attention so I either text him, or walk all the way up to his table just to ask him if he wants to go for a walk later. It feels very frustrating. He says that I can stop doing this by just letting him play his music outloud.

it don't feel lonely because I keep myself entertained but it is very disconnecting and not my ideal at all. There is never any small talk, which doesn't bother me but I would like more conversations in general.

Music isn't at all important in my life. Am I being disrespectful to impose my opinion that music shouldn't be consumed all the time on him? His family are all like him.

Any time I walk out the room he puts his music out loud, but I can hear it through the walls. I just can't escape it. When I come in, he takes a very long time to put his headphones back on and gets annoyed. I can often hear the music through the headphones as its so loud, but I have given up asking him to turn it down.

We get on so well with everything else. But I really like peace and quiet and I don't want my thoughts interrupted with such aggressive music in my home. I just don't get the constant rap and latin music all the time.

I couldn't work in silence op and DH can't work in noise. If we were working like you op is have earphones on too because I literally can't concentrate on silence.

However this clearly isn't working.

He shouldn't be waking you up in a morning with his music. What about a skirt radio so he has music bit it's not as loud as having it on outside the shower?

If you're eating a meal together he shouldn't have headphones on. What about quieter background music such as classical so it isn't silence but it isn't Eminem shouting either?

Whilst you're both working o think earphones on are reasonable. I assume you're not working on joint projects?

Music on in bed on headphones after you've kissed goodnight.

What's quite telling though is that it didn't used to bother you, so he's always done this, you accepted it and now suddenly you're saying he has to change?
Has his music tastes changed?
Are you having issues in other areas?
Are you sensitive to other noise like this or just him?
If your overall sensitivity has increased, I'd call the GP for a chat.

My husband just bought some waterproof headphones, they can be used in the shower, I think they are ‘jaybird’ wireless ones, about £150.

Husbands and partners always do things that annoy us, it’s only a problem if it annoys one so much we want to leave the relationship. If you’re not at that point, let him be.

OP my DP is very like this but it's not just playing recorded music, he also plays the guitar and sings and also listens to endless podcasts with braying, blasting voices that grate on me worst of all.

We have argued about it plenty of times but have found a truce position that works. Primarily, sleep is sacred and neither of us would make above absolute minimum noise if the other is sleeping. He now uses earphones in bed sleeping or not, and if I'm watching tv. The car is still annoying as he just plugs his phone in and plays his choices, even if it's my car and I'm driving! I've asked that in the car he offers choices to me or at least tells me what he's putting in and what's good about it to make me interested. He's still not great in the car but in the house we've fixed the issue mainly.

@Aquamarine1029

You simply can not have a relationship with someone who is literally blocking you out all day, every day. Him telling you "this had better be good" when you only want to speak with him is utterly inexcusable. What a rude, dismissive arsehole.

This 100%

Would drive me nuts. In fact I have one friend who has a permanent trickle of background music on and it really irritates me.

I love him and I don't want to quit. I don't know what I was hoping to get out of posting this

Op is the sensitivity new and generalised?

@destinedtobeatiger Did you see my suggestions below? I had similar w my DP and now it's much better.

Also I get it if you don't really want suggestions and just wanted to vent. I sympathise. It's fucking annoying.

No advice (other than you might benefit from wearing ear filters yourself to block the majority of his crap out), but if it's that loud in his headphones, before long, he's likely to have his own irritating constant noise to contend with every waking moment.

Tinnitus really sucks. But when it's self inflicted, tough shit.

@destinedtobeatiger

I love him and I don't want to quit. I don't know what I was hoping to get out of posting this

When I was going through hell with my ex I was desperate to post here for help but didn't because I knew what the answers would be. I was the same, I didn't want to quit but the choice was eventually taken out of my hands. I'm so glad for that now, I'm happier than I ever thought possible. I feel for you

Beware the man who will do anything for anyone but is quite different at home.

@MitziK My noisy DP that I posted about a few mins ago has self inflicted tinitus! From playing gigs and band rehearsals at an unholy volume. His band disbanded because they all got terrible tinnitus. When I went to his gigs I used to stand outside on the pavement with the smokers and listen from there. It was as close as my ears could stand.

If you want to stay then you need boundaries/ a schedule. When you are in work mode, he treats you with the same respect as he would a colleague (ie headphones on and basic manners when you talk to him).

When having meals and hanging out, you have music on in the background but you get to choose what music half the time and if you choose nothing, fair enough. Can you share a playlist on Spotify of music you both like/can stand - that is a compromise position?

No music on while one of you is asleep - can't believe that needs spelling out, but if he needs a literal rude awakening (with pounding music) to get the point, I'd not hold back.

You get some top notch noise cancelling headphones for when you can't stand it or want to read.

When he's in another room, can you fight fire with fire and play some calm classical music or white noise in your room to drown it out?

You need to prioritise moving to somewhere with thicker walls and never, ever have wooden or laminate flooring (and preferably no neighbours, for their sake 😁).

Awful

I am also very sensitive to sound and I love nothing more than sitting in silence. I work on my laptop in silence and only ever switch the TV on after 6pm.

I could not live with your DH.

Playing music loud enough to be heard in the shower when other people are still in bed is pure selfishness. There's no excuse for that. I think I'd strangle DH with his headphones cord if he did this.

[quote BrandoraPaithwaite]@MitziK My noisy DP that I posted about a few mins ago has self inflicted tinitus! From playing gigs and band rehearsals at an unholy volume. His band disbanded because they all got terrible tinnitus. When I went to his gigs I used to stand outside on the pavement with the smokers and listen from there. It was as close as my ears could stand. [/quote]
I had the common sense to wear ear filters at all times when gigging. Despite the idiots who said 'what do you want to do that for?' and mocked the decision. Thing is that when you've also trained as a sound engineer, you have more confidence to look after yourself than the common or garden pub bandmembers who think filters are for pussies (yes, I was really told that once).

Still got Tinnitus, but mine's due to autoimmune issues, apparently, not loud sound damage.

I like to listen to audiobooks / podcasts a lot, particularly when I’m cooking. They drive my partner mad. So I listen with earbuds, but only in one ear, so I can still engage with him if he wants my attention. Could he not do that?

He has alot of stress with his business. There are many wonderful things about him, so I am not looking to break up. He is kind, caring, and generous. We have the same goals and vision.

He’s not and you don’t. If he was kind, caring and generous, he wouldn’t wake you every morning with his rap music up loud over the shower-who needs music whilst showering? He’s not that desperate. Also he’s cut off from you completely-music is his priority not you. You don’t share a vision or goal-how can you? You don’t even share a day fully.

Sorry to be harsh but his behaviour is inexcusable.

I love him and I don't want to quit

Well don't then. Carry on with a man that doesn't want to talk to you.

You don't sound compatible at all.

^This.

@SleepingStandingUp it is new as in a little over a year. I've never had it before. But now I can't stand shouting, even ripping up cardboard loudly. My mum is sensitive to sound. Do you know what it may be?

I would want to kill him within about 24 hrs and I'm not sensitive to sound! I love peace and quiet. My do lines the radio on in the morning but only plays it if he's alone downstairs. If he comes up with it still on his phone he gets the death stare 🤣

He does sound very selfish over this, especially waking you up when he's in the shower - he doesn't NEED music first thing in the shower ffs! And not having any conversation between you - so what's the point of being together?

Oh my god I felt irritated just reading that. How can he not shower without music? If he needs it that loud he needs to keep the bloody headphones on even if you're not in the room. Also if you're in the room together why aren't you hanging out and chatting instead of him with his headphones in.

Those saying the OP should compromise-have you seen that he tells her ‘it better be good’ when she approaches him to speak? So he’s constantly listening to music and she has to get his attention when she wishes to speak to him?? And he insists on listening to music in the shower while she’s still asleep so wakes her up? He’s an arse.