To think the sisterhood is a myth in love and lust?

[itsblueisntit]

Just thinking about Lily James and her 'dalliance' with Dominic West, married with children.

Of course it's up to him to treat his marriage with respect blah blah ... but what about her? Is there such a thing as sisterhood when you fall in love and/or lust? Or do women push that aside in pursuit of what they want?

AIBU to think women don't follow any sisterhood when it comes to this?

@itsblueisntit

Loving your work? Work? Really? Is this what passes as peer reviewed work nowadays?

Some comments have been made about men taking full ownership and responsibility for their infidelity and general poor behaviour and not passing the buck onto women to carry this. That's hardly Andrea Dworkin level insight.

The egos on here.

Well, it's insight that definitely passed you and some others by, so it clearly still needs to be said.

Do you realise that you have said pretty much nothing on here except "man cheats so women are awful", "I don't like two of my female friends", "calm down dear", "ooh, look at you sucking up to her" and "herp derp egos"? Why don't you up the tone and tell us we've got cooties or something?

Do you know what you sound like? This is a serious question. Look back over the horrible sexist double standard you kicked off and what you've got to say in response to women who refuted it, the way you try to silence and delegitimise them without actually refuting them (because you can't). Do you know how you sound?

If you've been married for 25 years then you will have lived through even more of this brainless, disingenuous type of misogyny than I have. Do you truly not see what you're doing?

Take the thread as a lesson learned. It's not too late. At least one good thing would have come of it then.

@itsblueisntit

Loving your work? Work? Really? Is this what passes as peer reviewed work nowadays?

Some comments have been made about men taking full ownership and responsibility for their infidelity and general poor behaviour and not passing the buck onto women to carry this. That's hardly Andrea Dworkin level insight.

The egos on here.

Ah, we should have just got stuck into Lilly James to boost your ego. Sorry.

You're inserting a lot of language and emotive comments that haven't been made into this thread. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

@itsblueisntit

You're inserting a lot of language and emotive comments that haven't been made into this thread. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

And you're accusing women of being emotional rather than addressing what they're saying,which so far has been far more substantial than what you've offered.

Are you actually a woman? Women do internalise misogyny but not usually to this level of lack of self awareness. You're starting to read as a parody.

I don’t think “sisterhood” or feminism has anything to do with the scenarios you’re talking about. People have affairs- it’s nothing to do with feminism

To say to another woman 'are you really a woman' as you purport to support women.

The irony.

My favourite thread along these lines was that man who came on to say all the husbands were watching porn, which led into a discussion about sex trafficking and he panicked and flounced. It made me laugh so much, his wanking habits ruined forever because he thought he was much, much more clever than these stupid women, and he absolutely got his arse handed to him.

How are you doing OP?

@itsblueisntit

To say to another woman 'are you really a woman' as you purport to support women.

The irony.

@ShebaShimmyShake is in fact being admirably patient in pointing out that what you appear to think is self-evident and factual is in fact misogyny so deeply internalised it's incredible.

I'm doing fine, thank you Pumper. Having tea and toast. You?

@itsblueisntit

I'm doing fine, thank you Pumper. Having tea and toast. You?

I’m just looking for easy to understand links so you can read up on internalised misogyny.

Here you go:

www.bustle.com/articles/130737-7-sneaky-ways-internalized-misogyny-manifests-in-our-everyday-lives

If the affair between those two (and all affairs) is evidence that the sisterhood is a myth (because Lily is a woman who helped a man cheat) then we also have to take it as evidence that the concept of loyalty in marriage is a myth. Of course sometimes men and women hurt other people and behave like shits. But I personally prefer not to extrapolate out to everyone because thats just depressing.

Also, younger me would have said that the concept of "sisterhood" matters much less than the more broad one of treating everyone with kindness and respect. and hoping they treat you the same. However, now I am older, while I still try to treat people with kindness and respect, I do believe in "sisterhood" or whatever you call it - because I have experiences multiple times where other women sometimes people I knew well and sometimes strangers have helped, advised or protected me in small ways and big (including here actually). I try to pay this forward. All of this is just based on my personal experience and of course others might have experienced the opposite. Also none of this means I don't like men, but to be absolutely honest I probably trust women more on balance.

Thank you Pumper. That was easy to read.

I'm making a lemon drizzle cake for my neighbour today.

You’re welcome. It’s nice when you walk away from a thread a bit more informed, and there’s loads of eloquent, intelligent women on here who give up their time for free to teach, it’s my favourite thing about Mumsnet

In my opinion, if the OW does not know me, has never met me I do not exist to her. She is unlikely to feel any remorse. I would be floored if the OW was an acquaintance, friend, relative as they did know me.

Married women are just as capable of cheating as a married man. If not, who are the men cheating with?

Thanks Pumper. Inspirational.

@itsblueisntit

Thanks Pumper. Inspirational.

Ah, I see. You were being sarcastic again.

If a chap loves his wife’s home cooking but occasionally gets a takeaway or visits a restaurant, is he a disloyal shit? Is the restaurateur also a shit? Should the wife be distraught and fear that he will dump her and go and live in a restaurant?
I’m just wondering idly about why our attitudes to food and sex are so radically different. Because they are, aren’t they?
Both are basic appetites, but the latter seems to have much more emotional baggage.
My generation was young in the 1960’s and 70’s, and I recall we regarded fidelity as rather quaint then - life was all about free love and the sexual revolution - people didn’t seem quite so proprietorial about their partner’s bodies, or upset about casual flings, as long as precautions were taken re infection or pregnancy.
The zeitgeist changed dramatically with the advent of HIV in the 80’s, and now seems to be very much pro monogamy.
Which is a lovely ideal, and as a Christian convert I approve the notion, but I suspect humans as a species are naturally promiscuous and it’s a struggle for many to resist temptation! I’m not sure an occasional lapse/fling/one night stand is worth ending a marriage over, whereas a long emotionally involved affair inevitably is.

There’s no such thing.

Women will always be wary of other women. Whether you know it or not, you will be.

Men are much easier to get along with! They don’t judge you in the same way women do.

I’ve been around 40 years, and I’ve never been proven wrong.

No idea what the sisterhood is meant to be.

I don’t think it’s ok for anyone to actively pursue something that can only hurt and humiliate another person, albeit a stranger. That’s not the action of a decent, caring human.

It’s not enough to only give a shit about the five people closest to you.

@Osirus

There’s no such thing.

Women will always be wary of other women. Whether you know it or not, you will be.

Men are much easier to get along with! They don’t judge you in the same way women do.

I’ve been around 40 years, and I’ve never been proven wrong.

What have you been judged for?

babdoc weird analogy. You don't make promises to only ever eat your wife's cooking, or at home. Also the two are not the same, we MUST eat to live. Contrary to popular opinion, sex, while a fairly visceral instinct is not necessary. You don't die without it, mens' balls do not explode if they don't get a shag on a regular basis.

It’s an analogy that’s as old as time. “Why go out for hamburger when you’ve got fillet steak at home?” - Paul Newman.

@itsblueisntit

To say to another woman 'are you really a woman' as you purport to support women.

The irony.

I won't be taking advice about how not to be misogynistic, or how to make a decent argument, from the likes of you.

Everyone who has seen this thread can read what you've said and what I've said, and draw their own conclusions.

Men are much easier to get along with! They don’t judge you in the same way women do.

Seriously? I've never heard women discuss how shaggable or not women are like men do.