To feel like I have to let my 5mo "cry it out"?

[OnSilverStars]

My 5 month old DD is a poor sleeper. She's EBF and I regularly feed her to sleep. I know I'm forming bad habits. I did the same with DS. When he was 9 months I sorted it with some gentle sleep training.

DD is only 5 months but will not nap and is up every 1-2 hours throughout the night wanting to be BF'd to sleep.

During the day I try rocking her, the pram, the car, leaving her for short periods of times and going into soothe her, leaving her for longer periods. Anything. Even breastfeeding her to sleep by the time I get desperate and she's getting soooo over tired.

She doesn't know how to get herself to sleep. It's obvious this is the problem.

Last night she went to bed at 6:45 and was up every 1-2 hours until 6:45 this morning. Glad she's in bed for 12 hrs but getting broken sleep all night can't be good her her. Tried to put her down at 8:30. Three hours later I think she's finally asleep after exhausting all other options and letting her cry.

What did you do? What would you do? Thanks

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel letting a baby cry for 5 minutes is not neglectful.

I haven't RTFT but I disagree with posters who have said feeding to sleep is perfectly fine. It IS fine if that's what you want to do, but you are right that it can make a baby reliant on that to get to sleep, which makes things hard for you. It's ok to not want to feed to sleep.

At 5 months she is capable of learning to self settle. I wouldn't personally want to do CIO and I believe CC is only recommended after 6 months. We had huge success with the shush pat method from Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Pick Up Put Down from the same book also teaches self settling.

@Onadifferentuniverse clearly most are not talking about 5 minutes 🙄

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel if all basic needs have been met and the parent is regularly checking on the child I don’t see an issue with letting a baby cry if they’re struggling to get themselves to sleep and you’ve tried every comfort method you know.
It’s not neglectful.

Neglectful would be being worn so thin you shake your baby out of frustration, many people sadly do this.

After over 100 comments, most horribly insensitive from people who have not read my posts, I'm just leaving this conversation and not reading anymore.

I let my baby cry for 5 minutes today. My son sat for 2 hours watching tv while I tried everything else. I already felt like a shit parent. I foolishly turned to an online community of mums for support.

I have been called a horrible parent and accused of not caring about my kids.

Do horrible parents worry if their kid naps? Do the put themselves through the pain of breastfeeding? Do they worry if they're doing it all right? Do they seek help when they're unsure?

Some of you need to do a bit of reflecting. But thanks for teaching me a very valuable lesson!

@OnSilverStars you’re not a terrible parent, please don’t think that from stupid comments from people who are hypocrites.

You’re doing your best, and your baby is safe and loved.

I hope you get some resolve soon 💐

I've sent you a PM OP
@OnSilverStars

@OnSilverStars you are not a shit parent, for all the reasons you've mentioned and more!

What happened to #bekind?

That lasted a long time ., NOT!

Some of you should be utterly ashamed, breast feeding a three year old to sleep does not the n any way mean you're a better mother. Not sure why anyone would brag about that?

@anothersleeplessone because it makes them feel like a superior parent which in turn erases their parenting worries.

It’s stupid.

Absolutely agree @Onadifferentuniverse!

It’s so hypercritical isn’t it. Leaving a 5 month old to self settle is neglectful but apparently it’s fine to be unsympathetic and making someone who is clearly struggling feel even shitter about themselves and their decisions, is completely fine! 🤷‍♀️

Sorry to resurrect what has been an upsetting conversation for some. People advocating feeding to sleep does this mean leaving baby in the bed obviously away from pillows duvets etc or going to bed at the same time as baby? Mine wakes as soon as I attempt to put down in the cot. Over 6 months so don’t need to supervise sleeps.

Unfortunately I think OP did herself a massive disservice using the terms cry it out and 5 month old in her thread title. But she’s clarified herself over and over again since so it’s annoying how so many posters don’t even bother reading all the OP’s updates before wading in.

What OP did clearly wasn’t CIO it was just leaving her baby to be a bit grisly before sleeping - many babies need that couple mins alone time fussing so they can sleep.

My two always transferred easily to the cot, though I do also have a floor bed (mainly used by an adult when my toddler is ill). I also cosleep sometimes. I have to say that i often go to bed at the same time as the children regardless as I’m exhausted! My 6mo is going through a phase of waking hourly. I know it will pass eventually though, my now 2yo did the same for months

The only dummy I could get my bf baby to take at the age was one of those cherry style cheap latex ones you get from chemist. Dh preserved on evenings and got the babies to take it. Basically held it in mouth with his finger tapping it.

Persevered

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel because they're tired rather than hungry, wanting a cuddle, needing a nappy change, needing someone to play with them. I assume you only have one child, but thelping them to get to sleep by themselves is a valuable skill.

I swear by the pick up put down method by baby whisperer. Did it on my youngest 2 and now my eldest dsughter used it on my 2 grandkids. Might be dated but by night 3 you should be getting sleep. First night baby crys you pick up baby let them know if they cry you there but as soon as they stop you put them back down in cot. They cry again and repeat. First night I did this 30 times. Second night 5 times. Third night once. It shows baby you there if they upset but they need to settle themselves. It's a lovely method and 4 babies that grew up settling themselves having the comfort of knowing you there if needed.

I tried that with my first, he just got into an absolute rage. They’re all different.

Disagree with the majority of posters here advocating feeding to sleep for months and months. I see nothing wrong in teaching independent sleeping skills - and your DC is at an age where they're able to learn. It gets harder as they get older, or so I'm told.

That said, I don't believe in what's called 'extinction' CIO at all (basically letting baby cry for however long it takes). But there are a variety of gentle methods to encourage your baby to learn self settling. You could look into Ferber, which involves letting baby cry for brief periods before coming in and soothing them, the 'pick up put down' method or the gradual retreat method. Lots of good advice on the Taking Cara Babies website.

Make sure you're using appropriate wake windows for baby's age and offering the opportunity to nap. Huckleberry is a great app to help determine the 'sweet spot' for naps before baby is overtired.

@miaows I was just about to post the same thing.

My youngest got to 7 months, on 3 meals a day but still needed the boob every 45 mins, which I realised was him needing me to go back to sleep after a sleep cycle.

Pick up put down saved us. First night we sent our eldest to the grandparents for a sleepover which I’d recommend if it’s possible.
Took 40 mins the first night. 20 mins the next few nights and within a week he was settling down to sleep by himself soon as his bottle was finished.

The only thing I say is read it, think about it. Decide if it’s for you, whatever method you’re looking at. Once you’ve decided on a plan, stick with it for at least 2 weeks, no matter what. Consistency is what babies understand. When mum puts me down she will leave but it’s ok because if I need her she will come back. Make sure your partner and everyone else who will be putting your child to sleep knows what to do. To the letter.

Hope you get some results and sleep very soon.

Letting her cry for 5 minutes isn't CIO. I never realised some babies have to fuss and grump themselves to sleep for a few minutes until I saw such a baby in action. Five minutes would be all I'd leave her for though. I say that as a cosleeping feed to sleep parent who still has a two year old in bed with me, feeding definitely does seem to keep some of them awake. Sleep is developmental, and "proper" CIO is horrible and sometimes you need to accept they're going to wake up, but a few minutes of crying and fussing when you know that's what they tend to do to settle is neither here nor there

@vinoelle

Not a popular opinion on here but I’ve just tried CIO with my 3 month old. Massive difference in 2 days. She’s happier and better rested.

Bloody hell!!

I’m not one to say this lightly, I’m not sure I’ve ever posted it on Mumsnet.... but that is abusive. Completely and utterly awful.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel because they're tired rather than hungry, wanting a cuddle, needing a nappy change, needing someone to play with them. I assume you only have one child, but thelping them to get to sleep by themselves is a valuable skill

Try again smart arse I have three now grown up DC all in good jobs with their own homes. One child my behind! 🙄

@Gillian1980 I absolutely agree. At just 12 weeks old her baby has already learnt there is no point crying because nobody will come. Utterly heartbreaking.