To feel like I have to let my 5mo "cry it out"?

[OnSilverStars]

My 5 month old DD is a poor sleeper. She's EBF and I regularly feed her to sleep. I know I'm forming bad habits. I did the same with DS. When he was 9 months I sorted it with some gentle sleep training.

DD is only 5 months but will not nap and is up every 1-2 hours throughout the night wanting to be BF'd to sleep.

During the day I try rocking her, the pram, the car, leaving her for short periods of times and going into soothe her, leaving her for longer periods. Anything. Even breastfeeding her to sleep by the time I get desperate and she's getting soooo over tired.

She doesn't know how to get herself to sleep. It's obvious this is the problem.

Last night she went to bed at 6:45 and was up every 1-2 hours until 6:45 this morning. Glad she's in bed for 12 hrs but getting broken sleep all night can't be good her her. Tried to put her down at 8:30. Three hours later I think she's finally asleep after exhausting all other options and letting her cry.

What did you do? What would you do? Thanks

I have a huge amount of sympathy, none of mine were good sleepers and it nearly broke me, there’s a reason sleep deprivation is used as a torture device.

I fed to sleep, which I think is fine, and I co-slept. They’re still so little at five months and responding to their needs rather than seeing them as something to be trained was always the way I tried to do it. I’m not saying it was easy though, it was very, very hard - and I had a supportive husband.

We had a connecta sling which was an absolute lifesaver. You can feed in it so can still have hands free - so baby goes in sling, feeds on the way to the park, falls asleep and 2 year old gets a trip out.

Feeding to sleep is biologically normal, not a bad habit. Co sleep and life will be much easier.
Babies who are left to cry soon learn that there’s no point in crying anymore because no one is coming.
I know you’re tired but this won’t last forever. Meeting your child’s needs is not a bad habit.

I feed in a sling when my youngest refuses to sleep (quite often). Sometimes it takes a combination of feeding and walking to get her to sleep no matter how tired she is. Feeding in the sling also means I can still play with my eldest too

Nobody would have turned a hair at this 20 or 30 years ago, and no, the children who cried for a little while before falling asleep were not damaged!

IMO crying or grizzling for a little while is a ‘hump’ some babies may have to go through before they can fall asleep. They’re very tired but they don’t understand that that’s why they’re not happy, and that they need to go to sleep.

Only saying anything like this nowadays is akin to saying you eat roast puppy for Sunday lunch or worship the devil. It’s crazy. And one reason IMO why so many mothers of young babies nowadays are permanently exhausted.

@northstars

She’s only 5 months old. Feeding to sleep at that age is quite normal, hardly a “problem”.

Agree wholeheartedly

@vinoelle

Not a popular opinion on here but I’ve just tried CIO with my 3 month old. Massive difference in 2 days. She’s happier and better rested.

Why have kids if you can't deal with a few months unbroken sleep. So cruel

How are they with pram naps?
My similar age baby is a nightmare sleeper right now ( waking hourly, waking several hours overnight, taking ages to nap then awake 15 mins later). He feeds to sleep at bedtime and overnight, daytime though he rarely falls asleep feeding.
But in the pram seems to be the easiest. Pram is cosy and lined with sheepskin, I give him comforter toy to chew ( he won’t take dummy or bottle either), and then either walk or can rock and walk around room at home if it’s pouring.

With a toddler, pram naps might be easier than cot as then you have the flexibility to take them out at the same time. And if he doesn’t nap at least he gets fresh air a bit.

It’s hard work isn’t it. It ok people saying don’t let them cry ( and I don’t), but when you have been having 3-5hrs max broken sleep for 6+ months it’s very hard and of course people want a solution.
Ds slept 9pm-6am last night with just 3 wake ups to feed (11,2,4) and it’s the longest I have slept in weeks even with feeding. I feel a lot better for it today

I had 20mth age gap and exclusively breastfed the baby with a toddler.
Baby 2 I co-slept with and fed to sleep throughout the night until she was 18mths I think. I loved co-sleeping compared with the awfulness of taking my first to a cold cot once she had drowsily fed
Baby 2 never napped unless on the move in buggy or carseat which is sometimes a bit annoying when it's chucking it down. But meant I could exercise the toddler.

Safe co-sleeping and night feeds were the only ways I could cope and get up for a toddler in the am!

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

PS we did some cry it out with my first when I had to stop breastfeeding and it was horrible, very happy not to do this 2nd time around

Parenting is helping your child do what is best for them.

If they're tired, it's getting them to sleep.

Let your DD cry and get a proper amount of uninterrupted sleep, she'll learn to self settle.

Letting a 5 month old cry herself to sleep. Fantastic parenting.

Meh, during the day I either fed to sleep whilst my eldest watched a duggee, or I put her in a sling to get her to sleep. On occasion I had one going to sleep on my back whilst the other went to sleep on my front (and then put them down).

At night we've pretty much always taken one child each, so neither feels neglected. I assume you're not a single parent or you'd have said in your OP.

The amount your baby is waking is tiring obviously but it's also completely biologically normal, and not a reason to sleep train IMO.

My youngest woke more than that at 5m, and I had an elder child, and was back at work. Share what you can with your partner, and eat too much caffeine and sugar, and eventually they will sleep better.

I do think it's cruel to leave a baby to cry, especially when so tiny. They are just learning they no one will come, which is very sad.

Why are so many people letting tiny babies cry themselves to sleep?! Why is feeding to sleep such a problem , it's really not. Jesus Christ , this is awful. Too worried about " bad habits" and it's neglectful . Stop it!

@underneaththeash

Parenting is helping your child do what is best for them.

If they're tired, it's getting them to sleep.

Let your DD cry and get a proper amount of uninterrupted sleep, she'll learn to self settle.

Absolutely agree with this. No baby should be left screaming for hours, but a clean, fed baby being left to cry for a few minutes will not cause any harm. If it means a well rested baby and parent, then that is a massive benefit. Responding to their needs sometimes means leaving them to work things out for themselves.

I'd give her a dummy; she wants the comfort of sucking.

@2bazookas OP had stated she won't take a dummy.

@OnSilverStars I can share more of what I did if it would be helpful.

I'm going to preface by saying I think everyone has to make their own choices with regards to parenting, however personally I think CIO is cruel and I'm 100% against it.
Now I've got my judgey bit out the way, I do sympathise with you OP because I've got 2 young ones, both who have had issues with napping.
Have you tried the huckleberry app? Sometimes if they get a little overtired the cortisol can make it impossible to get to sleep, so if you track it on the app it recommends the 'sweet spot' time to try to get them asleep. It may not help but we did find it helped a bit with ours.
Good luck, and remember they're only this young once, it will get better and in the meantime they just want to know you're there and responding to them, that's all x

@bluebluezoo

It’s not a problem and it’s not forming a habit. It’s what she needs.

You can either spend 6 months trying to “fix” things until the phase ends, or you can go with it and do what gets you through it.

I got a next to me cot, fed lying down, by 14 months she was sleeping through.

14 months until she slept through!!!

I would definitely have sleep trained before then 😴

Find what works for you and her, for ds it was rides in the car or walks in the pram that got him to sleep. Letting her cry it out at only 5 months isn't sleep training it is abandoning her and leaving her to it.

Sorry i've not read all responses so might have been covered. I think she's too young to cry it out.
But babies have a sleep development at around 5.5- 6 months I think. My baby was waking up often and then all of a sudden just flipped and now sleeps through for 12 hours at 7.5 months, she might wake up once or twice but that's fine. I would wait it out as hard as it can be (And you're not a bad mum for considering letting her cry it out like some have accused you of )

It is up to you. I'm still breastfeeding to sleep at 18 months. W chose not to CIO because we don't like it for us. Join the Beyond Sleep Training Group on Facebook for like minded individuals

OP, judging from a few of the replies on here, it's clear that some PP haven't read your updates.

Firstly, as others have said, please don't worry about forming bad habits. I fed all mine to sleep and they all stopped needing it at different ages, none of which were unreasonable. However, you said that hasn't worked anyway the last few days. Hopefully it's just a phase...perhaps your baby is teething or has reached some developmental milestone which can unsettle them temporarily. But also, as others have said, some babies do need to grizzle a bit before they sleep....a kind of way of disengaging and getting rid of the stress (cortisol, which is released in the tears). You mentioned you have a toddler too, making it more difficult. Could you hold your baby downstairs while they fall asleep, even if it takes a while, then transfer to the cot? Or even have a travel cot downstairs where baby could have daytime naps? We did this, as once asleep they slept through noise. Or wouldn't that work with yours?

I also liked co-sleeping when my babies were going through a stage of very frequent waking.

We let DD cry when she was about 4 months ish? We never left her for more than 10 mins and usually she was asleep within about 2. We tried everything before we tried that but she physically wouldn't sleep unless attached to my boob and I wasn't comfortable co-sleeping so for us it was the only option left! (Another bottle and dummy refuser here).

You will get a lot of judgement from a lot of people whatever you do as a parent. You know your child best, as long as you aren't leaving them for a long period of time and check in on them I believe you have to do what works for you to keep yourself sane. I would have been a much worse/unsafe parent with the lack of sleep I was getting until I tried leaving her to cry.

@Thesearmsofmine

YABU why would you want to let a tiny baby cry themselves to sleep? Feeding a baby to sleep is normal and fine and imo leaving her to cry is shit parenting.

This

‘ Letting a 5 month old cry herself to sleep. Fantastic parenting.’

Do you know what? I think it is fantastic parenting. Op has recognised that the way she is parenting is unsustainable and unfair on her 3 year old child and she is understanding that she is not the best parent running on absolute exhaustion.

She’s putting her baby down in a safe place and letting them cry for 4-5 minutes whilst they slowly learn to comfort themselves. If you think that’s neglectful you need to open your god damn eyes and learn some basic human empathy. Parenting is hard, particularly so when your baby isn’t your only responsibility and when they’re being clingy and waking up fully for comfort every 2 hours because they don’t know how to get themselves to sleep.

Op, ignore the negative comments, you’re doing your best and I think it’s great you’ve recognised you can’t go on like this, sometimes you need to p your own mental health first.