To feel like I have to let my 5mo "cry it out"?

[OnSilverStars]

My 5 month old DD is a poor sleeper. She's EBF and I regularly feed her to sleep. I know I'm forming bad habits. I did the same with DS. When he was 9 months I sorted it with some gentle sleep training.

DD is only 5 months but will not nap and is up every 1-2 hours throughout the night wanting to be BF'd to sleep.

During the day I try rocking her, the pram, the car, leaving her for short periods of times and going into soothe her, leaving her for longer periods. Anything. Even breastfeeding her to sleep by the time I get desperate and she's getting soooo over tired.

She doesn't know how to get herself to sleep. It's obvious this is the problem.

Last night she went to bed at 6:45 and was up every 1-2 hours until 6:45 this morning. Glad she's in bed for 12 hrs but getting broken sleep all night can't be good her her. Tried to put her down at 8:30. Three hours later I think she's finally asleep after exhausting all other options and letting her cry.

What did you do? What would you do? Thanks

Excellent and level post @Isit2021yetplease!

Some awful things being said here, like you don't care about your baby. Horrible thing to say and clearly not true.

If feeding where we were didn't work, I'd regularly use an infant rocking chair, rocking with one foot while doing something with the older child, or use a carrier - something through fussing/tired-crying. I wouldn't go off to a dark room during the day, or even in the evening until they were older - they'd sleep wherever my spouse and/or I were going to be.

My eldest was a bit like that. He just struggled to nod off and was a very fussy baby. I ended up just getting completely blackout curtains, giving him a feed in the dark (during the day) and a big cuddle, putting him in his cot where he would cry for a minute or two and fall asleep on his own. He wouldn't fall asleep in the car, or pushchair, or feeding. It was a right pain.

It got better when he started eating solids and sleeping a bit less during the day.

Not Beyoncé but George Ezra staying at Tamaras album worked for my DS, still does at 16months but I have to be singing as well. I obviously listened to it too much when he was in my belly 😂🤣
In all seriousness have you got any songs you used to listen to a lot when you were pregnant?

I fed to sleep until my child was nearly 3. She sleeps fine now and I didn’t have to sleep train her AT ALL. She did it in her own time, she didn’t need it anymore.

Feeding to sleep is NOT a problem. Not following your natural instincts as a mother and instead following what society unreasonably expects IS the problem.

Breast milk has sleep inducing hormones for a reason. Use it!

Oh, and please, please, please DO NOT leave your poor 5 month old baby to cry it out. That’s terrible parenting.

Ok reading thru the replies I guess what we did isn’t ‘cry it out’. Before I’d try to settle her before putting her down and she would cry whilst I was holding her/ it would take 45 mins + of rocking to get her to sleep, even for each naps. One day I just couldn’t take it and put her down (safely) in her crib... she had a 5 minute fuss and self slept! I couldn’t believe it! Now I do the day every time, rock for a minute or so, put her down even if crying and leave her. Sometimes it takes a few seconds, sometimes it can take 20 minutes of fussing but she goes to sleep. She had longer and better naps this way. I know she’s clean, fed etc so I just let her cry it down a bit and it works. Sorry if that offends anyone but actually going in and picking her up makes it way worse and she gets more agitated 🤷‍♀️

But I don’t get why what I wrote above is terrible parenting

We teach our babies lots of things, why would we not help them learn how to sleep?

Because at 5 months old they aren't developmentally ready.
We should teach them that we're always there for them if they need us, and crying means they need us. Once they learn that, they will feel secure enough to sleep on their own.

We also have to teach them to eat, and to go to the toilet without using nappies, ut we wait until they're developmentally ready and don't rush in to "teach them" when they're only tiny just because it's more convenient for us.

@Osirus how did you cope with your other children when feeding your three year old to sleep?

Feel like I need to post this again.

Thank you so much for the advice from some.

Right. Revised question

I feed my baby to sleep.

I don't think it's ideal.

The last couple days she won't even be fed or sleep. She's exhausted. Overtired.

I have a two year old that spends too much time on his own while I sit in a dark room trying to get his sister to sleep.

Can anyone give any advice as to how you made it work? I've tried everything. Earlier today I let her cry for about 5 mins. She fell asleep.

I guess that's bad parenting.

Also to the pp that said just let her fall asleep wherever! Haha 😂 thanks. I hadn't thought of that.

Sorry but I agree that it is selfish. You're a parent, you put their needs first. My 11 month old is still fed to sleep, we have always co slept. It is tiring but it's not forever. When I'm back at work properly full time I plan on stopping breastfeeding.

When I had two with a similar age gap my baby napped in the buggy or car seat. I do think 5 minutes crying is ok though if you've exhausted other options. I wouldn't leave her longer than that but you have to balance both children's needs. In terms of feeding to sleep at bedtime I wouldn't worry about it until you want to stop breastfeeding. I fed both my DDs to sleep until I wanted to stop (10 months and 12 months) and then transitioned to milk in a cup and sitting next to the cot to get them to sleep without too much trouble.

OP I feel your pain. I had this issue with my second child. Ie feeding to sleep is grand when it works. When it stops working.... what then!?!

It was soul destroying. I think it fucked my mental health, damaged my relationship with with my older child (was 3.54yo) and more

In terms of solutions I kept at it and the above happened. When child was 10m I used a sleep consultant and we broke back of it. Not controlled crying very gentle - sitting with them not feeding etc.

Child was always a tricky sleeper tbh but it got way better. Shame I can't say the same or my MH or other things.

Instead of feeding to sleep, what has worked for us occasionally (when baby on feeding strike, teething, or being put to bed by dad) is reading repetitive stories, counting, stroking hair or face, softly singing. It could take up to an hour but she wasn't crying for that time. They just want comfort and reassurance. Being close to you and hearing you helps them. Some babies might fall asleep fine in a carseat or a pram but mine never did, she wanted human contact.

Thank you so much @purringpaws and @howaboutchocolate

Those are really helpful responses and things I will try

I feed my baby to sleep.

I don't think it's ideal.

The last couple days she won't even be fed or sleep. She's exhausted. Overtired.

I have a two year old that spends too much time on his own while I sit in a dark room trying to get his sister to sleep.

OK. There are (at least) 2 issues here: balancing baby care with a toddler and that feeding to sleep just isn’t working for you right now. It does sound hard and solving the latter will help them former.

Is it just the last couple of days it hasn’t worked?

In your OP it seemed that you were trying everything else first and then attempting to feed your irate and overtired baby to sleep as a last resort. Is that what’s been happening, or does feeding to sleep just not work even if it’s what you’ve started with? I’m only asking because there’s no point in people telling you to just go straight to feeding to sleep if it doesn’t actually work. You’ll get better advice if people have a clearer idea of what you’re trying to do.

Will she settle at all in the buggy or even a sling if you go out with your toddler? Or does she just scream the whole time?

When I had a toddler for naps I’d put the baby in the buggy after a feed and we’d walk to a cafe, the library, park etc. Usually by the time we got there baby would be a sleep and toddler would get some attention. Plus fresh air always helps sleep.

At night dh would take over with the shush-patting. We’d take it in turns.

She’s only 5 months old. Feeding to sleep at that age is quite normal, hardly a “problem

It would definitely be a problem to me. I cannot function on 1-2 hourly waking. I’d feel horribly down and probably get ill all the time.

I’d stop bfing to sleep.
I’d try dummies, white noise and anything else that I could to soothe whilst not actually getting them out the cot

I’m in the camp that at 5 months a bit of crying is okay. If you can crack it now whilst they can’t stand up and protest about it, you won’t regret it and probably have a lot less tears overall

Earlier today I let her cry for about 5 mins. She fell asleep

I see no problem with that at all.

@LemonPeonies how do you deal with your toddler whilst feeding the 11 month old to sleep?

Teach her that she is loved and cared for and not alone. Hugs, cuddles, bf to sleep. Co-sleep safely, dont get up to breast feed, just feed lying down. Then you can just feed and fall asleep. This way she will wake less as she knows you're there.
You dont have to be independent at 5months old.
You're not forming bad habits, you are following your mothering instincts and you're doing fine.

I have a 2yo and a 6mo. I use a sling when my toddler is awake, feed baby to sleep if my toddler is asleep (still has a lunchtime nap)

Is she in a routine? I would try and settle her into one for sleep and feeds at that age and not worry about feeding to sleep, I still do it with my 11month old at bedtime. Is it possible she is going through a late sleep regression? That would also make her rattier and hungrier or a development leap?

I hear you. I don't think being up feeding every 2 hours is good for anyone. I was a mess. You're in a privileged position if you can say "just go with it" or "they'll grow out of it" as you might have space for a floor bed or might not be back at work or maybe you don't have to focus on 3 other children while utterly exhausted or perhaps you've got family support. No one should be made to feel bad for wanting to improve sleep!

I waited until 6 months to sleep train. Read a million sleep books. The core sleep foundations seem to be: how they settle e.g. do they go down awake, solid bedtime routine and ensuring they're not over tired by having appropriate naps. I found all aspects challenging lol. Some babies are just more high needs in the sleep department. To change the feeding to sleep issue, we put breastfeeding at the start of the bedtime routine. We then put down awake after feed, bath and books. At first there was a lot of crying but 3 months on I don't regret it and she naps well and sleeps 12 hours with one nighttime wake up for feed. Someone said to me it's not 'training', you're just allowing them to learn a skill e.g. if you carried a toddler around always they would never learn to walk. Good luck.