To feel like I have to let my 5mo "cry it out"?

[OnSilverStars]

My 5 month old DD is a poor sleeper. She's EBF and I regularly feed her to sleep. I know I'm forming bad habits. I did the same with DS. When he was 9 months I sorted it with some gentle sleep training.

DD is only 5 months but will not nap and is up every 1-2 hours throughout the night wanting to be BF'd to sleep.

During the day I try rocking her, the pram, the car, leaving her for short periods of times and going into soothe her, leaving her for longer periods. Anything. Even breastfeeding her to sleep by the time I get desperate and she's getting soooo over tired.

She doesn't know how to get herself to sleep. It's obvious this is the problem.

Last night she went to bed at 6:45 and was up every 1-2 hours until 6:45 this morning. Glad she's in bed for 12 hrs but getting broken sleep all night can't be good her her. Tried to put her down at 8:30. Three hours later I think she's finally asleep after exhausting all other options and letting her cry.

What did you do? What would you do? Thanks

Also I have a 2 year old to care for so I think 3 hours of trying to get her to sleep was long enough.

I would rather stop breast feeding and bottle feed so she's not looking for breast comfort than let her cry. Try a dummy. Five months is tiny.

She won't take a bottle or a dummy. Not willing to starve her into a bottle, which is surprising considering what a monster I am! Just wanted some advice. Thank you to those that gave some.

@OnSilverStars

Wow. Mums net at its finest! Haha. I don't care about my baby!? New low for some of you I'm sure. Well done 👏🏻

I have been trying to breastfeed my baby to sleep since 8:30 this morning. It wouldn't work. She's was exhausted. I let her cry for about 4 or 5 minutes and she fell asleep.

Sorry but think it was the right decision. How can some of you even see your phone screens from your high horse? Ffs

Well done OP. People are so quick to judge. It is bloody hard, find what works for you. There is guilt at every stage of motherhood, don't let it overwhelm you.

I let her cry for about 4 or 5 minutes and she fell asleep.
Now in my opinion that isn't crying it out. Some children do just need to cry for a couple of mins to go to sleep . Crack on with that without a second thought.
Cry it out is where you leave them properly bawling for as long as it takes them to stop. It seems quite cruel to me.

Thanks @QuentinWinters. I agree. People did not stop to think - Right under 10 mins (or X amount of time) is reasonable or whatever they actually thought. It was just harsh criticism from the get go. I think they were already foaming at the mouth when they saw the title

Sorry but think it was the right decision. How can some of you even see your phone screens from your high horse? Ffs

Why ask for opinions if you only want people to tell you you're right?

What did you do? What would you do?

I breastfed my children to sleep for years. I prioritised sleep for us all over tosh about "forming bad habits". In your shoes I would feed the baby to sleep.

At this age, go for what works rather than trialing things out. That can wait a few months with more sleep.

Most of the time at night, I would breastfeed while lying in bed. When I was really touched-out while really sleep deprived and needing a breather -- I'd use an infant rocking chair with them swaddled up and sit with them rocking or my spouse would have them laying on him or walk in a carrier until they fell asleep and then we'd do a transfer thing that often involved me feeding, but for far less time than if she started on me. As they got closer to a year, their father did more of the bedtime routine.

Iince again @unmarkedbythat I tried! I have done every nap and nighttime for 5 months and for 9 mi the with my first. It hasn't been working the last couple days and I'm desperate

I wanted practical advice

@OnSilverStars

Iince again *@unmarkedbythat* I tried! I have done every nap and nighttime for 5 months and for 9 mi the with my first. It hasn't been working the last couple days and I'm desperate

I wanted practical advice

From your OP it sounds like you’ve been trying all kinds of things to avoid having to feed your child to sleep, including letting her get over tired and exhausted. Maybe it would be best to let it go and just feed her. She is tiny after all.

Op you do you - you have to do what works for all your family. And when you have an older child too you have to be able to physically function and also you can't just disappear for 3 hours and pat a baby on the back leaving your 2 year old unattended. Crying for 4/5 mins is absolutely nothing! Ive often had to leave my second for far longer than that as my eldest will be mid poo distaster or something and many times he accidentally went to sleep while waiting! We had to get a sleep trainer in at 6 months for my youngest as he was such a bad sleeper and I just couldn't function and be there like I needed for my eldest. I didn;t do it to help me, my baby or my husband - it was all for my eldest benefit and he was MUCH happier when I had had more than 2 hours sleep a night. I really worried I was mentally scarring him being such a zombie.

With my youngest I fed (breast or bottle as he was mix fed)and held him whilst he napped for about 7-8 months. With dd I simply couldn't do this as I had 2 under 2. For her I always tried feeing to sleep first but it often didn't work so then i used a sling. Have you given one a go? We used a Caboo initially then a Connecta when she got a bit bigger.

I think sleep "training" is difficult at such a young age really .Maybe try to put her down a little later on ? About 8/8.30 pm .If you want to sleep train a little longer may be best about 6/8 months .She is only a tiny baby still!

I see you are upset OP, but really, you posted a deliberately provocative question in AIBU. If you are struggling with Breastfeeding and sleeping, perhaps post in the baby feeding section and ask mums who are currently breastfeeding what they are doing? You might find some like minds there or get some concrete ideas - although perhaps also phrase it as "I am so tired of feeding my baby to sleep, any ideas?" instead of the black and white CIO option.

Good luck - they are not easy days but life does turn again. All mine were breast fed to sleep and all now sleep alone in their room through the night ( the youngest is 8 but really they have been doing this since they were 18 months) in spite of all the naysayers telling me we were forming bad habits (including my not so supportive DH).

OP here’s my practical advice - read The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. I think you’ll find it useful and it will have the answers you’re looking for.

• babies sleep cycles are literally different to adults, trying to make them sleep like adults won’t work. They go in 45 minutes and helping them to link these cycles is possible but....

• they need all their needs met to be able to sleep, sometimes those needs are feeding to sleep, or proximity to you, this isn’t an issue that needs to be solved. You can support good sleep though, but it’s sleep hygiene not sleep training. The book will help.

• CIO methods (which vary a lot, they’re not all the same) don’t teach babies to sleep, they teach them if they cry you won’t come. Their cortisol levels spike and it’s really not good for them.

• Sleeping more is a developmental stage that will vary between babies - like speaking and walking. You can support this development but you can’t force it or make it happen before that baby is ready.

I have a 5 month old who is exactly the same. I just have faith that her sleep will eventually get better! Feeding to sleep is developmentally appropriate-there is no issue with it. She isn't going to be feeding to sleep forever but at 5 months it works for us and isn't doing her any harm.

Please don't leave your baby to cry. It is really damaging and unnecessary and, frankly, cruel. Just because you are tired. I know it is brutal being sleep deprived but it will pass.

Also - breastfeeding to sleep is completely biologically normal and not something you need to change. This is how babies are designed to go to sleep. She won’t still be feeding to sleep at 10, I promise! Rather than making life harder for yourself why not just feed her straight away rather than waiting until she’s upset and nothing else has worked (which is what your OP seems to say you’re doing?) save both of you the anguish and do what works first! It’s not a bad habit. She’s 5 tiny months not 5 years.

Op ignore many of the thoughtless posters on here.

Some babies do almost need a short fuss before they go to sleep. Crying can be a release of emotion, think about it, you sometimes feel better if you have a little cry! As a mother you can usually easily tell the difference between this tired fussing before going to sleep, and proper distressed crying. My DS always did it, and I sometimes found continuing to attempt to feed him to sleep etc was just keeping him awake and making him overtired. He was never a sucky baby, he was only interested in the milk. When be was eating more he quickly dropped feeds and when my supply dropped he did not want to feed simply for comfort!

I found it helped to pat his tummy if he fussed. Over time I needed to pat less and less.

And all these people are carefully ignoring the fact that there IS an issue for you that needs solving - your two year old needs mummy too and cannot be ignored for hours and hours. There are gentle sleep training approaches you can try. At this age you can gradually transition to ways to help her sleep that dont involve you being there 24/7 and thus allow you to meet your 2 year olds needs too, not to mention your own. Have you tried music on the monitor, white noise etc? Also my daughter loved a satin edged comfort muslin.

@TeddyIsaHe

I co-slept and bf laying down. Dd eventually got to the point where she fed without waking me up. Frigging god send.

This (except I did wake up )

• CIO methods (which vary a lot, they’re not all the same) don’t teach babies to sleep, they teach them if they cry you won’t come. Their cortisol levels spike and it’s really not good for them.

This is actually balls. Its widely circulated and also plenty of evidence to the contrary.

Thank you so much for the advice from some.

Right. Revised question

I feed my baby to sleep.

I don't think it's ideal.

The last couple days she won't even be fed or sleep.

I have a two year old that spends too much time on his own while I sit in a dark room trying to get his sister to sleep.

Can anyone give any advice as to how you made it work?

Did you stand on one foot and hum Beyoncé songs and it worked a treat?

Thanks 😊

Tried to put her down at 8:30. Three hours later I think she's finally asleep after exhausting all other options and letting her cry.

I think this is why you got some harsh responses - to me, it reads like you left her to cry for 3 hours, rather than the 5 minutes that you've now clarified.

I personally wouldn't class crying for 5 minutes as CIO (and I'm a BF'ing to sleep, co-sleeping parent)

I would agree with previous posters though, co-sleeping has saved our sanity. I think you just have to do what gets you all the most sleep and remember that sleep is developmental and she will get it eventually (and have faith that you aren't making a rod for your own back).

Good luck.

........for you op,of course you love your baby.take no notice of the spiteful remarks on your love for your dc.there has been some genuinely helpful replies which hopefully will help,you know your baby best,so do what you feel is right,and accept any offers of help with other stuff so you can test when baby does.

Rest not test