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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DGC 3 not in nursery

89 replies

Tellmemoreaboutthat · 20/10/2020 20:59

My son & dil have 2 DC, 3 & a younger one. Neither are in nursery, DIL is a stay at home mum.

She does take the children out a lot, they meet up with friends who have children the same age, DGC’s seem friendly and social enough.

I am worried though, that DGC will be overwhelmed when they start school if they’ve never been in a nursery setting.

Son & DIL say they don’t see the need as she is home with them and she wants to enjoy ‘their time’ before the DC go to school.

Is it selfish? Putting her needs before the DC? Or aibu?

OP posts:
MonkeySnake · 20/10/2020 21:02

I don't mean to be blunt but... Not your children. Not your business. You need to leave them alone. There are SO many posts on here about interfering MILs - don't be one. Treat your DIL with some respect as the wife of your DS and mother of your DGC.

northstars · 20/10/2020 21:03

Wow, please back off, this is not your decision to make. I hope you haven’t said anything to them.

gluteustothemaximus · 20/10/2020 21:03

None of mine went to nursery. Everyone looks at you like it's paramount to child abuse.

They were fine. And yes, time goes oh so fast, and then before you know it they're at school. So if they can do, why not. Time is precious, and it isn't selfish.

Thatwentbadly · 20/10/2020 21:04

And if everyone agreed she is selfish, what difference would it make to the situation?

Original poster
Tellmemoreaboutthat · 20/10/2020 21:04

No I haven’t, I never would. Just an observation. Only trying to do best by the children

OP posts:
Perching · 20/10/2020 21:04

You are being ridiculous. Let them be. You’ve had your turn. Beak out.

TicTacTwo · 20/10/2020 21:04

Do you know how much nursery costs?

PaulinePetrovaPosey · 20/10/2020 21:05

Lots of people don't send kids to nursery, and it's totally fine.

It's also none of your business.

Incidentally, why are you blaming this on your DIL ('her needs') rather than seeing it as a joint decision between her and your son?

Frequentcarpetflyer · 20/10/2020 21:05

Did you go to nursery? Most children never did. Do they see people, go to toddler groups?

Original poster
Tellmemoreaboutthat · 20/10/2020 21:05

Eldest DC would get funded hours now

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 20/10/2020 21:06

Is your daughter-in-law selfish for taking care of her children and providing them with lots of stimulation and social activity?

No. She's not. I imagine if she was putting the children in nursery you'd be asking if she was selfish to be palming them off on other people when they're only little for such a short time.

Keep your judgemental opinions to yourself.

Star81 · 20/10/2020 21:06

It’s their children and their choice.

When I was young most people didn’t go to nursery and maybe only to a playgroup. I still went to school without a problem. I did send mine to nursery but kept them off if we had other things on. My youngest just went to school happily.

This isn’t your decision and in all honesty don’t say anything and stay out of it. I wouldn’t appreciate you giving your opinion to me. They are doing nothing in the slightest harmful and socialise their children so there is no issue. Your just making one up so yes I think YABU.

Rotundandhappy · 20/10/2020 21:07

@Tellmemoreaboutthat

No I haven’t, I never would. Just an observation. Only trying to do best by the children
They’re not your children to ‘do best by’. That’s the end of it. Butt out.
BornOnThe4thJuly · 20/10/2020 21:07

I think it could definitely benefit the 3 year old to do a couple of half days at nursery before they start school, especially if the school they’ll be going to have a nursery on site. All 3 year olds get 15 hours free, so it wouldn’t cost anything either.

Original poster
Tellmemoreaboutthat · 20/10/2020 21:08

Yes they do always seem to be out and about to be honest. They’re wonderful parents, she is a wonderful mother. I’m just concerned about this one aspect but no of course I don’t think it’s akin to abuse!

OP posts:
Shedpaint · 20/10/2020 21:09

You are being ridiculous
Lots of kids don’t go to nursery or are cared for at home by other family or nanny or at child minders etc.

It’s lovely your son and DIL are able to have a choice and they seem perfectly content plus kids having social interactions at playgroups etc.

You ARE interfering as you have obviously had a conversation with them when they have felt they need to explain to you their reasons
They don’t
They will grow to resent you for your clear judging of them and start to distance themselves if you aren’t careful
Please be supportive and mind your own business on such issues

Rotundandhappy · 20/10/2020 21:09

I also picked up on in you directing a lot of this to your DIL rather than your son. Don’t be that MIL.

MonkeySnake · 20/10/2020 21:09

@Tellmemoreaboutthat

No I haven’t, I never would. Just an observation. Only trying to do best by the children
You are not "doing best by the children" by silently judging their mother and posting anonymously on the internet about her. How does that benefit the children in any fathomable way? It's interesting how you've said it's a joint decision between DIL and DS but you're only calling her selfish.
yellowmaoampinball · 20/10/2020 21:09

If you think about this logically where does the preparing for school end? You think they need nursery at 3 to prepare them for school. How will they prepare for nursery?!

It's like you're trying to find fault with your dil - this is really such a non issue. If the worst you can say about her as a mum is she enjoys having her kids with her then your grandchildren are pretty bloody lucky.

timetest · 20/10/2020 21:09

Really not your call to make. I would keep my opinion to myself on this one.

Rhubarblin · 20/10/2020 21:09

I'm sure most of us on this post didn't go to nursery.

Leave it to the parents.

saraclara · 20/10/2020 21:10

Nursery was allocated by lottery when I was a SAHM (early '90s). There just weren't enough spaces. So only about 30% of local children got to go. And even then they didn't go until the term that they were four.

But most kids went to playgroup for a couple of mornings a week and got their socialisation there.

As long as your grandchildren are getting plenty of socialising opportunities, you have nothing to worry about.

turnthebiglightoff · 20/10/2020 21:10

Funded hours are very, very misleading. The nurseries near me would still be £50-60 a day even with funded hours. If you care that much, offer your DIL the £1400 it could cost a month; I'm sure she'd bite your arm off to have a kid free wee once in a while 👍🏼

MasksGlovesSoapScrubs · 20/10/2020 21:10

Some rude and harsh replies.
The 3 year old could benefit from her free hours at nursery. It would do her good being away from her mum for a couple of hours. When she goes to school her mum won't be there!

D4rwin · 20/10/2020 21:10

They might not be planning on going to school at all. In which case nursery might be unnecessary. Also if they've only just turned three, since September, they won't get free provision just yet.

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